M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G.

9/11/01 to 9/11/11

2011-09-13T17:46:00.004+08:00

A decade after...

Most of us could remember the exact moment when we watched the towers crumbled. Most of us. Some of us, doubt it happened. Some of us belief that it was all a conspiracy. It matters not. You cannot hide the fact that almost 3,000 souls lost their life that day. Some of them right if front of us. On television. As they fell off the towers.

Hate, begets hate.

As we seek for the truth, often we overlook the fact that the truth is only true in the eyes of the beholder. As we continue to seek those that sets us apart, we overlook the fact that we are a part of what we seek. The lies that we all hear, are often the truth that we seek comfort in. We are the problem, and we too are the solution. The world has never been peaceful. Not for long anyway.

Peace on earth.

Peace on earth, perhaps belong only to earthworms after it rains. Human-kind are often neither human nor kind. We kill each other in the name of a god that we exchange for currencies, and we slay in names of countries we defend, and ask not whether it wants to be defended upon. We preach in the open, and we pitch in the dark. Deals are made as territories are divided. Kings are hanged, as countries are framed.

A decade later...

It will be more of the same. As bankrupted nations wage war, to sell what they sell best. Stories and tales of horror, in the name of defending against terror, which are shadows they craft as they weave it cloak and dagger. People will die. In the name of human-kind. As they seek humanity, in their own kind. While they proclaim profanity, on anyone of a different mind. Time shall take its toll. And the earth is no longer worth a stroll. For its beyond man nor its kind. As shelter is sought in dogmatic lies and corrupted cronies, in countries that sells stories in return for a place in history.

9/11 isn't just sad because many died. It is also sad because no one learned that it was hate that started it, and hatred too will not end it.

On guard!

2011-03-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

Just feeling lousy, since for the hundredth time I argue with the guard to my place, which I find ironic. We hired the guards to protect our property, and in return, the same guard makes it difficult for us to come home to our own property. Weird.

My trial entry from the iPhone

2010-06-27T20:55:00.001+08:00

This is just a test entry to see if this works. Not the greatest way to blog but it's pretty decent.

In pain with no gain

2009-12-23T05:32:00.004+08:00

Sometimes in life we do foolish things. Well, perhaps more then sometimes. But, there are times when you really screw things up. And I mean really, really screw things up. I think I just did. I don't know how (but actually I did), I didn't know when (but actually I did), and I didn't know what would have happened if I did what I did (but actually I did). Alas, I did it anyway.

Today, I am feeling this gnawing pain. Rumbling deep in me. This feeling that I cannot, simply cannot shake. You know that feeling. The feeling of abandonment so bad, that you feel that the whole world has just went by you, and you are this insignificant little gnat. The feeling that one would wish that one never started something, that simply could not have an ending. Yes, this feeling often involves members of the opposite sex, either leaving you or leaving whatever it was that you had. Or didn't have. This feeling of inadequacy. This feeling of being dumped.

The single biggest pain of being a zed is the fact that the dichotomy of whom he is, and whom he has to be is so big that it would make Dr. Jekyll proud. I wonder if I can keep doing this. Keep this inner storm lying low and calm, while it brews within me not unlike a tsunami in waiting. The pain of having to swallow so much pride in a day, simply because of the walks of life, when all you want to do is shove everything back where it belongs (usually up a poor fella's rear end). I doubt this satirical lie can persist. I doubt that who I am, and whom I am being could coexist for very long. The stretch on sanity has taken its toll. My foolishness is making me inept.

Yes, I am quite convince now that I often write when misery visits. This time, I am also quite sure that this string of words and letters shall persists. Thanks to this blog, I am at least able to visit a side of me that for now lies dormant. While names and places are often missing, but hey the drama is the drama. String a few sonnets of lies in the rhythm of truth, everything is melodious.

I don't know. I say this a lot. And absolutely hates anyone who says I don't know. So often I do hate me. I would like to think that I should have known better. And often I do. We all do. Yet, down the slippery slope we go. Playing with fire. Fire that will consume.

And all we have to show for our pain... is more pain.

A new frontier

2009-11-25T20:04:00.003+08:00

A long lost friend.

That is how this blog feels. It has been so long, yet everything seems so familiar when you get back in touch. All the nooks and crannies in the same places. All the idiosyncrasies right where they belong. I was commenting to a friend that I wasn't sure if I write better when I am depressed, or is it the act of writing that is making me depressed. Well, we'll find out soon enough.

Life has been a blessing these last few years. As everyone would say - so much has happened. Indeed. I have learned a lot, and perhaps it would even be fair to say that I am perhaps no longer the same person. I have been on the wagon for a while now. Alas, a small sacrifice compared to what I get to enjoy in return. Otherwise, I have also not been able to hang out as much. Age, job, and everything else is catching up.

So here I am.

This time, I hope to stay longer. To explore more words. More stories to be told. Much emotions to share. As always, I write simply because I find it fun. I only hope it is equally fun to read. Meanwhile, let's talk a bit about my favorite subject. Me.

I have been in several companies, started one, and am now running one. All in all, I can safely say that a good company is nothing more then a group of people driven to be the best they can. It is when the people within, makes a product that one can't do without - that a company thrives. It has been fun to develop this value. To use emotions like fear, hope, and shame to keep the ship in shape and ultimately to share the feeling that nothing is impossible if we all put our minds to it. I am dabbling in a few things nowadays. Sometimes, keeping my head above water is tough, but it is fun. Thrashing away learning how to swim is my life story.

It is time for me to stop. But only for now. We shall meet again. Soon. I hope.

Welcome MacBook Pro! And tightening of the belt...

2008-06-17T19:29:00.005+08:00

Yup! My MacBook Pro has arrived.

Biggest plus points?

1. The 15.4in screen and its graphics quality. The additional real-estate on the screen helps a lot!

2. The keyboard, it's so much better then the MacBook chicklets.

3. Backlighted keyboard, a nice feature to have when working on my bed (as-if!)

4. 250GB of storage! I was down to my last 15GB on my 120GB MacBook.

5. Not having to worry about a white keypad and palm-rest. Silver is the way to go.

6. The speakers sounds so much better.

Some minus points?

1. Naaaaaah... there's none! LOL.

Beyond my fetish for gadgets, not much is getting my attention nowadays. With my project about two months away to going live, the hustle and bustle of work seems to have drowned into a constant buzz, and no matter how crazy things are, I feel like I have achieved zen at work. Serenity surrounds calamity. I am at home in this chaos. In fact perhaps I actually need it. It's my fix to this predictable grind we all live in.

I just got back from a trip down under, where we spent a week at Gold Coast, and what can I say? It was f-u-n! Away from it all, with our only worry being what ride to be on next, or where to go as every second is precious. The way I see it, life is good, only when it is good. Best to enjoy it while you can. The next drama, the next disaster are all just around the corner.

So, how about the oil prices? Well, this blogger has only one opinion. It's global, it's everyone, and it's everywhere - stop blaming the government and start figuring out what to do next. Things are going to get bad, before it gets worst! It is inevitable, and no one knows how to fix it yet. In fact, no one seems to know what to fix even. It is just a big problem with a shadowy list of symptoms with no real head. So before things get worst, stop spending and start saving. Fast.

Stretch the Ringgit, and yes, share the pea!

Poetry in Motion

2008-05-15T14:48:00.005+08:00

Yes. Coming soon to a boy named Zed. The final toy that shall make the whole set complete. Coupled with the rest that Steve Jobs has to offer, this shall make the ride worth the traffic (literally!).

A big, big milestone to cross, but one that was definitely worth every step, every single drop of sweat and blood, and the undying cries of agony. A little bit dramatic, albeit when one reflects this to some extend is what it is all about after all. Worldly goods. Only the best, for the best.

So much for all the drama. I figured that since there isn't much to dwell on (or even write on!), I might as well share some thoughts on the next toy. I wonder if anyone is reading this stuff anymore heh heh. Sheer driving pleasure, here I cometh.

TGIF

2008-05-09T15:08:00.002+08:00

I have recovered. I feel good. Life is good. All is well. This feeling is precious!

I don't know, perhaps it's the knowing that it is the end of a long productive week, when all that could have been done is done and you feel satisfied that you've given it all you can. Or perhaps, it is that there were some nice good news here and there. All of which makes me a very happy man.

The journey continues. All I can feel is thankful, Alhamdullilah.

It's official. I need a break!

2008-04-30T10:50:00.003+08:00

According to my iPod and Nike I ran a total of 330 km since February 2008. My top speed for a kilometer is 5.36 minutes per kilometer. The result is not great relative to the record holders on the Nike website, but compared to what I was able to do four months ago, heck it's amazing! Anyway, having lost about 6 kilograms and being able to now fit into my skinny pants - I should feel much better eh? Nope. I don't.

This is when I concluded what I really need to do. I need to get away from it all for a while. A long while. The drone and drudgery of the daily routine has taken a toll on me that I can no longer bear. You see the price one pays for being a "leader" is you really run out of people that you can bitch about work. I have about 50 "resources" reporting to me. That means 50 different type of problems I get to listen to. 50 different wants and needs. 50 different ways to motivate. Alas, 50 faces that is amalgamating into one big noisy crowd. I am no longer able to care. This is when I realized that perhaps enough is enough.

So. Yours truly am now trying to invent a way out for a while. I haven't really figured it out yet, but I am sure I will be able to come out with something. A week off sounds good. I am sure with or without me life goes on. So it is time to put on the sandals, hang around the pool, read a good book, and just watch the days go by for a while.

Meanwhile, I shall have to endure a few more days of tormented reruns of this daily travail. Shucks.

Bored again?

2008-04-28T16:13:00.006+08:00

Yup. The self destructive side of me is talking. It is boring when all is the same, and when all is well. I guess we can never leave good-enough alone. There is always something to tweak, tinker, and twiddle with. Now, 20 months into a long drawn project and about two years into being out on my own, life has started to have its own rhythm. The familiar hum is beginning to ring, alas here I am again on my blog, after a few months of nothingness. I made some small alterations to the blog. Lat is gone. It is a much simpler site now. Nothing fancy. Just me, my rants, and perhaps a note or two.

It has been almost 5 months since I moved to a MacBook. All I can say is that I was perhaps ten years too late. So much is so much better that to stick to good 'ol boring PC is depriving oneself of the few small pleasures in life. Seriously. Now, I am eyeing the MacBook Pro. For good reasons too! Simply because it has 2 extra inch in its screen real-estate. Yup. 2 inch, and I am thinking of shelving a good nine-grand for it. I must be bored!

A little bit of spice, and nothing nice

2007-12-27T17:39:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I have pulled off an extended disappearing act. Lots can be blamed on, but basically it is just me. Just lost interest for a while as I adjust into my Mac world. The verdict? Absolutely, positively, definitely recommended!

A must, I must say.

If you're still rebooting, worried about viruses, and attempting to get the latest OS from good ol' PC aka Vista to actually work with all your apps - just stop now. Look at your credit balance, bank balance, and/or balance of family and friends that you can beg and borrow from. Then, start totaling up how much dough you can put together. If it hits RM 4,000.00, stop. Then pack you things, go to Mid-Valley and get yourself a MacBook.

And, yes you may thank me later.

Happy New Year to all, and stop with the resolutions already. Just do it.

An apple a day

2007-11-21T13:12:00.000+08:00

You are looking at the new and proud owner of a MacBook. Having seen a few of my team mates getting infected by this new virus that wipes out the FAT on the hard disk, and resulting in an instant reinstall of everything and lost of all data – I felt that my investment is well justified. Of course I am just saying this to convince myself. The real reason I bought my MacBook is because it looks just so cool!

All white with a super friendly OS and minimal hassle about trying to tinkle here and there to make things work, along with built in software to manage photos and music, this boy is very happy. Anyway this is day 2 for me as a Mac user. I am waiting for my MS Office for Mac to arrive and then I shall have to figure out the MS Outlook transfers. Still debating on which to use, Mac’s or MS’. We shall find out later tonight.

My issue is I am an email power user. I get anything between 80 to 100 emails (work-wise no spam included), and send about 20 to 45 emails a day. Hence I have a huge email archive and I also use my email to track a lot of the activities happening around me. So the decision to migrate my emails into Mac’s email is a biggie. To be continued on this one.

So I have decided to live up a bit. I ran a very conservative year in 2007 because we were trying to stabilize the company. Now looking ahead, if we stay conservative I believe we will lose out on large opportunities as our risk appetite would be pretty low. With bolstered confidence along with a stronger team I really do look forward to 2008. My E90 and MacBook would definitely help too. Just that dang car that keeps peeping around the corner taunting me that bugs me ha ha. Just you wait Mr. Higgins… Just you wait.

So what's new?

2007-11-12T10:11:00.001+08:00

Had a slow weekend. Came to the office on a Sunday. Today is UAT for the project, so had to do a bit of housekeeping. 37 days of UAT ahead. Today is Day 1. Well 36 days to go.

Got me a new E90. It sucks. Could have been so much better, but being a communicator user since the brick Nokia 9210 days - my expectations are much higher.

You're wondering about the cat? I just browsed and found it. I thought it showed very well how I feel! It is Monday you know.

So back to the rambling. I have too much to do, some important, some urgent, some I really don't care too much about. Instead? I blog. Nice way to tone everything down a bit, and get into the rhythm. With new ventures and new grounds to break, I have realized that while reflecting on the past is important, just forging ahead into the future is equally important. One gets paralyzed much too easily dwelling on what if’s and what not’s. Just do it.

So here I am rocking ahead, much to the dismay of foreboding thoughts of pessimisms, while I leave caution to the wind. Dramatic? You bet. I am going to spend 2008 figuring out how to get my hands on my CLK. Having thought about it, I figured an RX8 is nice but too “ah-beng” and a Cayman is kinda out of my league right now. So a CLK will have to do. Some say it is a mistress’ car, I say it is! I just need a mistress to go with it heh heh.

Five minutes of blab…

2007-10-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

I have been reading a couple of blogs, and since I really have nothing to write about, I shall just spend the next five minutes writing about nothing. It has been a rather good Monday, and as a result I am expecting a lousy Tuesday. That is just the kind of person I am. A pessimist? Not really, it is just that due to what I do for a living (which is basically running IT Projects and being an IT Consultant) I get to see a lot of what I keep advising people not to do, being done, and when all hell breaks loose, I get to say I told you so – and end up cleaning up their mess.

Right now, I am seriously looking for two to three good people. They should be around 26 to 28, have a degree in IT, a very good command of English, very hungry and willing to work hard to make a lot of money, and inquisitive in nature – always willing to learn and invest in themselves. Know anyone? Email me.

Okay, my five minutes are up. Happy Monday to all.

Welcome back!

2007-10-18T09:39:00.000+08:00

Congratulations for not being a statistic in Ops Sikap XIII, and Selamat Hari Raya to you too.

For me, Aidilfitri has begun to lose its appeal. Perhaps I used to have lots to celebrate about, and the reasons are simply getting less nowadays. We used to have a “kampung”. Used to. Back in Ipoh. Kampung Manjoi. Jalan Menteri to be exact. Anyone from Ipoh will know where this is. It used to be a big affair. Uncles, aunties, cousins, second cousins the full monty. We were not so traditional, hence no dodol making and our last attempt at actually making lemang ourselves was probably back in 1985. After that, my uncles found it easier to just buy the lemang and spend all the extra time lazing around gossiping about each other. And for the ones that just bought a new car, they usually spend this time washing the car. Sometimes twice a day! I guess it gives them an opportunity to tell their brothers and me all about their car. Twice a day!

Then there was Maktok’s cooking, which was a whole different story. In my family only my grandma and mom could cook. The rest of the clan just kinda became kitchen helpers. Kitchen helpers and noisemakers. Gossips of the year - talks about divorces, divorces to be, and in-laws who should be outlaws are often very hot and juicy. Amidst all this hoopla, the kitchen unleashes its delightful aroma. One so recognizable I could be blind and still know exactly where I am and why I am there.

Maktok would make her rending tok, ketupat, and the usual Raya affair with an addition of her ayam masak merah, and this is made just for me. She knows I like her ayam masak merah a lot and she will make it for me, every year. In the morning, every morning we were there Maktok will make me my lempeng pisang. It’s like pancakes and I have at least five of them. This is a woman who raised me, so she knows how to get me. I looked forward to Raya. Every year.

Maktok passed away two years ago.

Top ten reasons to hate Mondays

2007-10-08T14:42:00.000+08:00

10. It comes right after Sundays… two days of bliss interrupted by no other then? Yup, you guessed it… Monday

9. It is the longest working days distance to Friday… Yes, I know we have 5 days to go to Friday!

8. Monday morning meetings… guys come on, my brain is barely functioning and we are having a meeting?

7. Monday is when you have to plan for the week, realizing that you are simply repeating last week’s work this week.

6. For some unknown cosmic reason, the traffic on Mondays are worst then other days. This is even worst when you are finally calling it a day, and on your way home it simply just takes forever.

5. Monday sitcoms just don’t seem that funny anymore, all the jokes predictable, the casts look desperate, and it is full of reruns anyway.

4. Monday seems like a longer day, and it crawls to an end. I swear there is something wrong with the clock! I have been watching it and it barely moves 5 minutes in the last one hour!

3. Everyone and everything seems to move slower on Monday.

2. No blogs get updated on Mondays; usually bloggers use Mondays to write blogs!

1. Monday is the day, when customers usually calls and ask you if you have finished their work for them, and guess when they asked for it? Yup, last Friday! And they have the cheek to say, I asked for it since last week, why is it taking you so long? God damn…

Sit seek seize

2007-09-26T12:45:00.000+08:00

In the dark I sit
Hiding not from what I see
It is what I know that trembles
Murmurs of beyond sinks deep

It is not insanity to seek
Far beneath the skin of light
In depths of morbid intensity
I know of too little to swim

The cry of crows too near
Piercing the final scream
As the soul finds asylum
Nothing begets nothing for the damned

As it seems hope is forgotten
Cloaked by promises of abundance
One that ploughs and never ends
Pray it ceases and set me free

But it persists but it persists
So let the damned be damned
And insanity ruins insanity
While in the dark I sit

Zed Ezekiel, Sep 2007

Yup, I miss my coffee. Much! Anyways right now my life is a mundane routine broken by whines and cries of foul which doesn't seem to be worth a mention - hence I won't, and shall spare the two readers of this blog the agony.

Beyond work, I am enjoying the fasting month, where people pretend to be unaffected by the days and remain productive, but actually leaves exactly by 5pm rushing out the door like Fred Flinstones jumping off his dinasour at the sound of the horn. So much for productivity.

Food is good, but I have decided to use this fasting month as an opportunity to lose some weight (Who am I kidding? Lots of weight! Heh heh) and have set my sights on losing at least 3kgs within the next 3 weeks or so. I often gain a few kilo’s during Aidilfitri hence I might as well be prepared for it. I actually have not had a single hunger pang throughout the last week and this is a good thing. So here’s goodbye to all the kuihs and cendols for breaking fast.

As work turns into a grinding routine and with so little time left thereafter, life is becoming a monotonous grey. I hope to be able to get out of this toneless schedule sometime in early 2008 and perhaps again sail the stormy seas of luck and chance. Otherwise I may lose my street creds and will just be that final dot you see in your old TV when you turn it off – a disappearing speck of a has been flailing for attention.

Salam Ramadhan

2007-09-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

Wishing all Muslims a blessed Ramadhan and may we all reap the benefits from this glorious month.

A Clear Midnight

2007-08-06T11:13:00.000+08:00

THIS is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best.
Night, sleep, and the stars.

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

What a life!

So much to seek, so much to unfold, yet what is done - never is. I have learned that our lives intertwine into a convoluted puzzle that never ends. What is today is merely tomorrow’s mess, and tomorrow shall be an illusion of promises – most of which are never kept.

Perhaps I am disenchanted by untold stories and promises broken, alas to realize that this is all there is to this life. Money cures not the pain, rather it adds to the want. Love cures not the pain, rather it warrants the fear of lost. My soul seeks serenity now, only to be disappointed by promises of tomorrow.

So little we believe that we set aside faith for fortune, yet when it is done – it is never enough. Pangs of regrets echoes in the soul, only to be awakened by the fact that time is no longer a friend. So much have been wasted over the toil of material, yet the soul is left hungry and starved for salvation.

Perhaps I am lost not in a maze of confusion, alas it was a foray of choices wrongly taken. Choices taken not for faith, instead for the glory of fame and fortune. Such deprivation of the soul, such travesty of ignorance – while I plead superiority to the simple minded, I rape and pillage the very essence of my conviction.

It is time.

Time to no longer seek, but to accept.
Time to no longer plunder, but to accept.
Time to no longer question, but to accept.
Time to no longer run, but to accept.

It is time to accept that I am nothing but a humble slave. I am a slave, and it is not me that matters – it is what I am a slave to that makes the difference.

Jakarta in July

2007-07-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

Another satisfying trip. Three days of unrelenting golf, three days of camaraderie, and three days of not talking about deadlines and deliverables. I am still recovering from my trip, and perhaps am still having the blues about having to once again get back to work. But heck, it pays the bills, so here I am hacking away. Life has taken many interesting twist and turns these last few months. The guy in the mirror is someone I barely recognize anymore. He seems to have taken a life of his own!

Anyway, back to Jakarta in July.

We started off in Cenkareng just five minutes from the airport. It is really an easy going course, with the occasional airplanes flying overhead taking off. Perhaps not playing the last two months didn’t help my score here, so shot a 96.

Next – Sentul Highlands. A newly renovated course, and one that is rather tight and undulating. Very rewarding if you can drive straight, else better to stick to the three woods. Course management is a must.

Finally, my favourite – Klub Golf Bogor Raya. Two days of golfing may have prepared me when I shot 5 pars on the first 9! Bogor Raya is a golfer’s Disneyland. Scenic, fantastic club-house, and caddies that makes you feel that 18 holes is just not enough. The food here is very good too. I had Nasi Timbal, and I would recommend this. My friends had the Gurami Dabu-dabu another dish that I would strongly recommend.

So that was golf. Final scores? 96 – 94 – 91. Got better along the way, and am really looking forward to more golf.

I am still having a few crisis burning holes at work, and am very concerned about how to implement a process that will ensure that balls are not dropped along the way. Then again that's what I get paid for. Enjoy the rest of the week folks, while I scheme my way for the next event - Surabaya in September!

When do’s and don’t collide

2007-07-16T17:27:00.001+08:00

I seek security
I seek clarity
Yet all I find is insanity
And believe you me
I am happy!

I have longed wondered why something so easy for so many, can be so difficult for some? Why common sense is so uncommon? Why politics is just a big word for - I like it my way, and your way sucks, and if I don’t get my way then it’s because of politics? Why it is so hard for people to simply pick up the phone and ask? Why they wait for days on end, only to answer when asked – “Errr… I was waiting for your instruction?” I also wonder why they go to the toilet when I didn’t instruct them?

Alas, I beseech understanding - only to find myself further in a quagmire of human fallacy much to my dismay. Then, upon much thought it struck me!

Eureka! I know now the answer I seek.

Alas how thankful I am finally realizing that the enigma that lies upon me isn’t much of pain - as it is so much more of a gain.

You see when human is too lazy to seek answers to something so simple, it makes my work easy. When human would rather focus more on how to kill each other, it makes my work easy. When human is too lazy to simply pick up the phone, it makes my work easy. All I have to do is tell them how lousy they can be, and then I move on pretending to be a busy bee… And here I am writing for thee!

When you say, Phew!

2007-06-27T16:07:00.001+08:00

Moments one keeps to one self.

Have you bumped into an old flame, looked at her size and tell yourself... Phew!
Have you bumped into one of your college mates and realized that because he did "Actuarial Science" and was perceived to be the smartest-dude around (aka nerd), and now he's stuck in a dead end job at the back of an insurance Company counting crap for a living - Phew!
Have you had one of those nights that you really feel like drinking, but didn't and you got stopped by the cops? (come closer and smell me breath Datuk! heh heh) - Phew!
Have you bumped into one of the girls that you almost had a one nighter with, and realized how she looks like during the day-time - double Phew!

So tell me - what was your Phew! moment...

Aaahhhh I am back

2007-06-21T17:26:00.001+08:00

I missed writing here.

It has been a long hiatus, and one that was filled with projects, proposals, and much work in between.

I am getting the hang of my new life. Sort of a bit here, and a bit there but it seems to work out. I have waited a long time for my views on life to change. Yes, I expected it to change, and change it did.

I was sure that given enough time, I will have a different perspective towards what life has to offer, so I waited. True enough, with time my views did change. No longet am I the eager beaver jumping on everything and anything that comes by, but now I am more patient (relative to before perhaps, but to others I am perhaps still a very impatient man). I am more interested to hear the whole story before I conclude the ending. And often, yes often I find that perhaps I am not always right after all.

So feelings of immortality aside, the time has dawned on me that while I know a lot, there is so much more that I don't know, and shall never know. I am but a gnat in a world of gnats. I hold alas a small piece of the puzzle. To have to complete picture, I need more.

The real question is, do I really want the whole picture? Perhaps this ignorance that I hold I should cherish.

Shucks!

2007-04-20T10:49:00.001+08:00

I really don't feel like working today.

Too much grinding action, with little to show for it. Time seems to have just decided to take a whizz on me and pass me by like a speeding train with no sound. A silent apperition chugging along, and I am reduced to a mere spectator.

Working 12 to 14 hours a day, with 7 to 10 meetings - makes me sometimes feel that things perhaps could be done in a better way. It has brought me to think about the broader picture. I need good people. People who understands technology and how it relates to business. Someone with seven to ten years of experience, and has been in a large scale successful IT Project.

I think this is an opportunity knocking for those who wants to live a challenge and enjoy the rewards. Anyone wants to answer the door?

Email me, and let's have a chat. I can only assure you that it would be interesting.

I have nothing to say...

2007-03-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

Seriously, had so much to do so am left with very little to say, but felt like blogging a few words heh heh so here I am - Saying nothing.

Nothing.

A slice of Heaven, and a whole cake of Hell...

2007-03-19T09:35:00.000+08:00

I wonder why it always feels like one has to chomp through a whole cake of Hell, before tasting ever so briefly a slice of Heaven? It has been that kind of year for me, and amazingly I crave for more.

On another note, it was brought to my attention that I write like a girl! Really? Damn! Of the many things that I thought was cool, like a girl? Seriously? Shit. Can't a man be sensitive too? Heh heh heh...

Bunch of crap plus some…

2007-01-23T10:35:00.000+08:00

Well, it has been a pretty nauseating time the last month or so.

I am on a project, one that is long drawn and depending how one sees it – it is either very interesting or extremely dysfunctional. Either way, I am in it and getting out doesn’t seem likely.

By the way I am hunting for a couple of Oracle PL/SQL fella’s so please do drop me a line if you are interested (That is by sending me an email on my hotmail, and I shall contact you).

Over the last few months I have managed to contain myself from basically crapping on my own blog, but to heck with that. If I can’t bitch on my blog, where the heck else should I be doing it?

Having gone through the experience I had the last few months, the way I see it, we never left the playground. We are just a bunch of kids still in the sand-box pretending we know what the heck we are up to.

The bully’s, the know-it-alls, the just plain obnoxious they are all still around. Perhaps covered up with the guise of professionalism but plain and simple they are who they were. Lo and behold, I get this honor of baby sitting each and every one of them. Listening to their really annoying screechy complains and pretending that I actually care. Boy oh boy… what I could do with a screwdriver right now.

Anyway, so be it. Now I know why they say it is just plain lonely at the top. I am not even at the top of the ladder and it already is pretty lonesome here. I can’t bitch to my team, they might lose confidence, I can’t bitch to my peers – bunch of wolves they are they might just decide to have me for lunch. My boss? Forget that too, they might just shit in their pants and run around screaming “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”.

That kinda leaves you out there reading these words. I beg neither for sympathy, nor a shoulder to get putty on, alas a warm night under the moonlight by the beach cuddled up saying nothing but just a smile – satisfied.

Any takers? Heh heh heh.

(Zed’s Note: Naughty but nice… I promise)

In Paths Untrodden

2006-12-07T09:40:00.000+08:00

IN paths untrodden,
In the growth by margins of pond-waters,
Escaped from the life that exhibits itself,
From all the standards hitherto publish’d—from the pleasures, profits, eruditions, conformities,
Which too long I was offering to feed my soul;
Clear to me, now, standards not yet publish’d—clear to me that my Soul,
That the Soul of the man I speak for, feeds, rejoices most in comrades;
Here, by myself, away from the clank of the world,
Tallying and talk’d to here by tongues aromatic,
No longer abash’d—for in this secluded spot I can respond as I would not dare elsewhere,
Strong upon me the life that does not exhibit itself, yet contains all the rest,
Resolv’d to sing no songs to-day but those of manly attachment,
Projecting them along that substantial life,
Bequeathing, hence, types of athletic love,
Afternoon, this delicious Ninth-month, in my forty-first year,
I proceed, for all who are, or have been, young men,
To tell the secret of my nights and days,
To celebrate the need of comrades.

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

I have always enjoyed Whitman, and as one reads in between the words forming the prose within his verse, one can’t help but to wonder what he was feeling and thinking at the exact moment when he wrote these words dancing full of toil and emotions.

It has been a while since I have seek the depths upon myself looking inside me, wondering about the perjury of life and the tribulations of living such a fib hoping for a day when it all may end. Alas one has no say. No say in his own play, as he may claim to possess the stage but the audience is one that does not care for neither an encore nor reverberating tall tales.

We are all merely selfish beings, born as such and shall die as such. Life is all but one convoluted mess of survival.

This realization may strike some as a bogus belief of deprivation and others as a small bump in the night, another truth passing by noticed by few, ignored by most. Well, as we sail through this precarious sea of life; with our soul embodied in this vessel of flesh and bones, I wonder if we actually realize that ultimately we are beings of equals.

Each seeking and searching for his or her own place, none realizing that it was never a journey about the destination – rather one that perpetuates itself until one expires. The only hope we have is to be our best, for ourselves and those that rides the journey along with us.

Am I being too perplexing? Am I in my own world, perhaps you may say? Well, maybe I am. Maybe I am lost in myself. Lost in the belief that there isn’t much to call upon beyond the shores of actualization. Maybe I am hoping for hope.

So be it, as it is much better to realize that catharsis, fate, fortune, providence, and destiny is not mine to question. It is mine to accept.

Salam Aidilfitri

2006-10-19T09:55:00.000+08:00

It is almost Aidilfitri and it has been almost a month of fasting. It is also almost time for over 200 families to miss one of their loved ones forever. At some point next week 200 people will die. They will die in a mangled metal wreck, and hopefully death will come quickly for the lucky few.

Please drive safely.

Gruesome? Well, if only they make advertisements with the same lines. Maybe, just maybe this time we will listen. This childish rebellious attitude is a signature idiosyncrasy of Malaysians. I don’t know why, but nothing seems to work when you put a Malaysian behind the wheels. They simply turn to Mr. Hyde, and let their ugly side rule the road. Sad, but we live this moment everyday when we start our engines.

Enough said.

Back to more recent updates? I have not blogged for a very long time. It feels very long. So much has transpired, yet it feels like I am standing still and the whole world is just a blur moving past me. I feel contented, at peace, and am finally in a place where I am in complete acceptance of my fate. It is interesting. All our life we speak of God, of our Prophet, of Heaven and Hell, of Angels, and of the inevitable Death. Yet, how often do we realize that this insignificant moment we have in life, as opposed to the eternity that we shall spend upon death – is nothing?

Perhaps you say you believe not in God. Perhaps you say we were monkeys before. Perhaps you say that beyond this life is just emptiness. Perhaps for you life is a journey from nothing to nothing, and when it is all over we all rot away – food for the worms that we once stepped upon? Perhaps.

Alas, I can’t believe it is as such.

I can’t believe that life is about nothing. I will not accept such a travesty. There is more, so much more to life then empty feelings of winning and losing. So much more then waking up day upon day to seek dollar upon dollar to make ready for a time when not a single dollar we have can save us from the inevitable death. Come what may, we will die and I believe that Allah has put me here, put all of us here for a purpose much more then just trivial pursuits of self glorification.

I feel restored.

So much more to learn and everyday I thank Allah for the opportunity to seek his forgiveness, to seek knowledge in this ever diminishing life to please my Lord and to seek a better hereafter.

There is more.

We have not the answers. We never will. Skim the surface, perhaps. Glimpse at the truth, maybe just a shade – but answers we shall never truly have. Just a notion, evolving as God allows us to learn, but to truly know the answers we must first believe that there is one God, and Allah promises that the answers we seek in this life shall be endowed upon us should we seek the straight path.

Am I religious because I preach my faith?

No. it is not for me to say, nor you whether I am religious or not. But I am thankful that these last few months have been what they are. I am thankful that now I am afraid of hell, and wishes for heaven. May this journey be one that lasts a lifetime, and may this man be one that seeks his Lord’s pleasure.

I wonder what you think. Some of you know me. Some of you know of me. I wonder what you think.

Wallahualam. This is me signing off, and perhaps if Allah pleases we shall meet again.

Assalamualaikum and Salam Aidilfitri to all Moslems.

Dum di dum di dum

2006-08-24T19:03:00.000+08:00

Ever had that moment when in the chaos of everyday life, you suddenly find a little spot of serenity? Just that ever so brief a moment when heart, mind, and soul came together and decided to give you a break? A small pocket of sanity?

Yes. Rare as it may seem, once in a very long while I find myself in this nice corner. Oblivious to what happened, what’s happening, and what is going to happen. Suddenly it just doesn’t matter. Bliss from ignorance. Nice.

Here I am, listening to a bit of Radja, Ello, and Rossa. Thanks Indonesia for satisfying the crave for decent Malay music. No offence to our local talents, but frankly it has been rather monotonous the last few years.

Alone, in an empty office, in the evening. Hmmm, some company may be nice. But hey who cares. Coffee, music, blogs, banging on my keyboard churning out mindless streams of nothingness – for today this is enough. I am pleased.

Never say never

2006-06-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

I didn’t. I never said that I shall stop blogging, and it was probably a good thing too. I have been out of the blog scene for a while now. Did I miss it? Honestly? Not really. Real life has been quite taxing and with what we have just ventured into it keeps my mind quite occupied.

As I read my previous entries I realized that much have changed for me. So much so, that I contemplated deleting a few things, or even moving to a new url. But I realized that no matter what I do, I can’t hide from myself. So I shall not. You reading this shall remain witness to the evolution of a being called Zed Ezekiel.

I lost a very close family member abruptly a few months back, exactly 101 day ago actually. He was 36 years old, and was recently promoted to a very senior post in a foreign country. He visited the country, and passed away on the way back. Just like that, no real reasons – he neither smokes nor drinks. He is not overweight, nor does he have any medical history. Just like that. We didn’t do an autopsy. We didn’t want to. This was when things started to change for me. His death affected me in ways I could never explain. I will not.

We started a newco. Fun! Exciting! Stressful! Worrisome! Worth it? It depends. I don’t know yet, but I am sure that I am enjoying every moment. If you are measuring success only by monetary values, then only time will tell if the venture was worth it, but if success is the colorful experience we paint into our life – then I shall answer you now. It is worth every penny. The people I met, the lessons I learned, the realization that no matter how good you are, there are always ways to be better. Yes, worth it.

Well, that is all I have for now. See you next time. God willing. Insya’allah.

One for the weekend

2006-02-10T09:16:00.001+08:00

It has been a rather eventful week. Much accomplished, with still so much more to be done.

Yesterday was interesting. I ended the day with a few drinks at “The T” over in Bangsar with a few friends (boys), and the conversation took a very businesslike overtone; and I decided to make myself scarce. I headed over to Friendsters (corny!) and met another friend (girl) and obviously this time it had the needed ingredients of a nice evening out. Chatting away about nothing, sharing why men sucks, and why women sucks even more as the entrée, and moving along to bitching about some common friends I feel relaxed already. Although, I don’t get to talk much, I do enjoy the listening. And it also gives me something to blog about, so what the heck!

I spent the week shuttling about town looking for a suitable location to house our team, finishing the necessary documentations that are often required to start a business, and sandwiched a few client meetings in between these times. All in all, a lot of good fun. The undulating feeling between, euphoria and freaking out, is something that I have begun to get used to. It is just the way it is. Some days will be good, others bad, or perhaps if I am lucky - mediocre.

One of the irritating manias I have to go through nowadays is listening to the thousand advices that people are so eager to give to a newbee entrepreneur wannabe.

Everyone! From the Mak Cik Nasi Lemak all the way to the MD of a few listed companies and MNCs. Hey! Don’t get me wrong, this boy appreciates all the help he can get (ie money, purchase orders, or large contracts even). But to spend an hour listening to all the lingering stories about how difficult it was for you back in the days; like listening to a war veteran talking about a war they wished they had, and making up the rest to stretch a ten minutes story into a more fulfilling hour – I’m sorry, this boy have heard it all before. In fact I could tell it for you and save you the trouble. Note to Self: Advice Overload Alert.

If I do listen to all the stories, I may end up either so freaked out that I would do nothing or so overconfident that I would most definitely make a stupid unforced error. So best to keep to myself, smile, listen politely just like mom said, and try to excuse myself as soon as I see an opening. Mom would be proud. What a good boy she raised.

So here we are, on a Friday looking at a weekend.

I am thinking of playing golf. I think Golf Addix is in town. Will give him a call, and shall be looking for Zuhri too. Need one more ball.

As for tonight?

Will be fun. I have plans for Luna Bar, and after that just hopping around depending where the friends are, and I am actually already thinking of the Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. The place stinks to high heaven, but has heavenly food. Will “tapau”.

So here’s Zed checking out for the week. Be good boys and girls okay - don’t drink and drive.

Cheers.

Picture from Postsecret

Peek-a-boo!

2006-02-06T19:47:00.001+08:00

Just got back from a 40 minutes run. 5 minutes warm-up with a 30 minutes interval-jog and a 5 minutes warm-down. An interval-jog is when you alternate between jogging and a brisk walk. A 2 minutes jog, and a minute brisk walk in between and so forth. As the week progress, then you will want to increase the duration of the jog, and the rest period in between too.

An ideal point would be a 5 minutes jog alternated with 2 minutes of brisk walk over a 40 minutes workout period, which would bring the entire workout to about 50 minutes with the warm ups and downs included. All in all, a good hour. To make it really work, you’ll need three of these sessions in a week. Then watch the waist disappear, and the scales tipping with a smile. Track progress for 12 weeks, and you can thank me later.

10 minutes later, here I am hooked on the web like a junkie with his favorite shot.

Browsed a couple of blogs, and checked out the comments on mine (Zed’s Note: I will reply soon ladies and gents…). I have been reviewed by the self-proclaimed blog critic and he scored me well. It is a novel idea, and one that would catch up well I am sure. He basically reviews blogs, but only the one that is requested by the blog owner themselves. So if you don’t like what he has to say, then “You asked for it!” Now he also has a couple of apprentice and I am sure business is just booming over there. The following is a complete copy of the review he made on M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. I found his site when I was browsing on Ah Pek’s site. Hello Ah Pek, long time no see.

M.I.N.D.B.L.O.G.

There's a Lat cartoon on the top of this blog. I love Lat so this puts me in a good mood immediately. I scrolled all the way to the bottom and found a Calvin and Hobbes strip - another favourite of mine. I like this blog already!

Zed's profile is pretty long but refreshingly honest. As he puts it: "Some (posts) probably makes sense and others may be trash - such is a blog." Well said.It's a basic Blogspot template but for some reason the layout is wider than usual. I had to scroll to read the column on the right. Perhaps it's the cartoon that threw the layout out of whack?

Zed is not a daily blogger but when he does blog, it's something worthwhile. I like reading the posts, they're well written and insightful, and the English is flawless.

Nice use of pictures and he credits the source which is pretty ethical of him. I only have problems with the width of the page.

My rating: 8/10

By the Blog Critic

Well, we have all the New Years out of the way. Gregorian, Chinese, and Islamic. In case you don’t know the Awal Muharram holidays celebrates the Islamic New Year, and Muharram is the first month on the Islamic Calendar.

So no more excuses. Gotta get up and going.

I admit that I am in a bit of cheeky mood, and am feeling that I shall be up to no good anytime soon! So here I am biting by tongue, and am trying my best to stay away from my phone, alas I might be tempted to dial or text a few of my buddies and we’ll end up with a very late night on a Monday. Such a no-no, what with this fresh feeling of celebrating New Years and all. So I am doomed to watch more frivolous tee-vee. Oh I did buy a new book today. It’s called Jarheads, and it’s a chronicle from one of the Marines deployed during Desert Storm. The other book I just finished was Every Man A Tiger, one by Tom Clancy in collaboration with an Air Force General, also during the same war. So since, I have had a bird’s eye view of the war, I am inclined to find out what the grunts have to say.

Am keeping myself busy minding my own business (Zed’s Note: I have always wanted to say that! LOL), and am feeling like singing. Anyone for karaoke?

Cheers.

What I have always wanted to say about the GLC's

2006-02-01T15:41:00.001+08:00

I was reading Kadir Jasin in Malaysian Business, and I have to admit that I have a love-hate opinion about his column. He recently remarked about how the GLC’s and PLC’s (Party Linked Companies) was being treated by these professional managers that seems to have forgotten about the legacy and heritage of the companies, and especially the sacrifice that the past politicians and businessmen have taken to ensure we are where we are today.

First something about the PLC acronym. What’s next?

Crony Linked Companies – CLC
Minister Linked Companies – MLC
Minister’s Son Linked Companies – MSLC
Minister’s Wife Brother In-Law Linked Companies – MWBILC
The Guy the Minister owes a Favor Linked Company – TGTMOAFLC

Seriously folks, we have to stop this. A company is exactly that, just a company. It should not be tarnished with such acronyms that bring to notion that we are less then willing to be transparent and measure ourselves from the returns the companies make. A company is profit rather then losses, and assets against liabilities. That is it, not a Ringgit more. When a company decides to rationalize its assets, whether selling a building or selling a subsidiary; then that is what a company is doing - rationalizing. It is attempting to return to its stakeholder’s profits and dividends that keep people employed. Employed citizens in turn help to keep the same loud politicians that are meddling into the company’s decision in office.

We hire CEO’s and put them on a stage, and have juries run verdicts on them not unlike a reality show, soon we might even have SMS’ sent in judging their performance. Let’s get real. Do these forty-something boys carry a magic wand that will make all the woes in these giants we call GLC’s go away? No. They are simply professionals, making a living incidentally in the limelight offered to them albeit involuntarily by the media, and when the time comes, have their performance report plastered in business journals commending or crucifying their decisions. I wonder sometimes if it is worth it?

I wonder too where is our Jack Welch, Lou Gertsner, or Michael Eisner? True professionals that have led their companies through the vigor of what the market have thrown at them over the years. They led, managed, and preached their way through and in the end, grew the size of each of their companies by a hundred fold.

We live in a sensationalized economy. Scandals and failures attract us. A quiet steady-Eddie running a company, one small decision at a time is to us a nonchalant knight, doomed to fail as he or she is unable to please our notion that extravagant news is good news. Reorganize, restructure, and re-brand that gets our attention. Not sell more cars, sign more joint ventures or perhaps even make a tad more profit. These are par for the course, you as a CEO-elect has to perform these activities anyway, but as you do so you cannot retrench, sell a building that has “sentimental” values, and by the way the next time you feel like buying a painting, please do give us a tinkle and we will let the Cabinet decide if its worth its weight in oil and canvas.

Am I in defense of these new kids on the block? Well, yes and no.

Yes, I think they should be given the leeway they need to do their job. No they should not be allowed to sell the shop away. There are enough matrices to measure their performance, the quarterly and annual financial reports would suffice.

Yes, I would like to see our telecommunications company venture into growing economies the world over, and return a healthy profit as it does so. I would also like to see us making new cars, instead of churning the old clunkers and force the public into buying them, and perhaps while we are at it maybe the airline company could also introduce new routes and establish an attractive mileage program that would entice me to fly them, and an upgrade to Business Class once in a while wouldn’t hurt either. I would be a more loyal customer I am sure.

Yes, we would like to sit and watch these newbees get their job done in the next two years, or even a year down the road as some of them are forced to pledge – but the reality of it is that took Welch a decade to come close to achieving his initial goals with GM, and Gertsner had to spend the first five years just reorganizing IBM to change its culture. Eisner on the other hand watched Disney move from a theme park into the blitz of the media business, and had his fair share of competition from the Japanese.

No, it will be a few more years before we breed our own Welch, Gertsner and Eisner. Looking on the bright side though, the boys are young and I see a lot of talent in Abdul Wahid, Idris Jala and Syed Zainal Abidin.

Yes, I would like to think that given a chance; maybe just maybe we will have our own CEO-supreme. A CEO that will be around a tad longer then his three years contract, and spend a decade or so growing his company to a size that would compete in this ever shrinking borderless economy.

Yes, and please stop calling them GLC’s – just TM, MAS and Proton would do I am sure.

Week 4 and counting

2006-01-25T09:25:00.001+08:00

Nothing ventured and much awaits the seekers.

I caught Ratu (an Indonesian duo girl band) over at Planet Hollywood last Friday, and while the crowd wasn’t as big as I thought it would be; it wasn’t too bad. There were a lot of hot babes, and some of them looked very familiar! Were any of you there? The music is fresh, and with Ahmad Dhani from Dewa playing guest, it did bring the house down for a while. Mulan from Ratu is Dhani’s wife, so the special appearance was thrown in for free apparently; I felt that it helped to bring up the tempo a bit. It was a rather lost crowd before his piece, and improved tremendously thereafter.

Been playing quite a few rounds of golf, and am getting the hang of it. You see the problem is, in my head I am convinced that I could play to a 14 handicap, but this is not showing in my game. I am able to keep to about 4 to 6 pars almost every game, but am also almost consistently blowing about 3 to 5 holes with double and triple bogeys. Most of the mistakes I noticed are in the drive and short game. Had a couple of disastrous iron shots, but I think I could fix them myself. As a result I am scoring a 92 to 96. This entry is dedicated to all my real-life and blogging buddies who play the game, just so I could start my “stroke” negotiations early! I shall proclaim to a 20 handicap, and let’s work downwards from there – slowly. (Zed’s Note: ROTFLMAO!!)

I am back to using my Sony Vaio PCG-C1MT laptop, and it is small. Very small. The picture doesn’t say much, but it is about 1 kg and about two palm length in width. Works great when mobile, but I am short of a WIFI card. Low Yatt here I come!

Since losing my Nokia 9300 Communicator I have been disconnected from the web, and have not been able to type up these stories in my head as often; boy I miss the phone. This is my lame excuse for not blogging as much. Well, we’ll see if this laptop is going to help.

Next week will see a whole string of holidays coming together, and let me be one of the first to wish everyone celebrating a Happy Chinese New Year, and may it bring prosperity and health to you and your loved ones. As usual please be careful on the road, and be safe.

Daily dreaming

2006-01-20T12:11:00.001+08:00

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

Remember the rhyme? All I remember was that when I learned it, I imagined a boat.

I don’t know how the song came into my head, but it just did. I was minding my own, and suddenly this rhyme popped and voila here I am writing about it.

I have just reread Lord Archer’s Prison Diaries. Archer has always been on top of my list, and million others I am sure. For me he is exemplary not only because of his books but also his life. A man bankrupted and jailed, yet time and again he rises to the top breaking apart what spanners life has thrown at him. He is definitely on my top ten most admirable people in my lifetime, right there along with Tun Mahathir and Nelson Mandela. I think these men exemplified that one man can make an insurmountable amount of difference. A culmination of vision, discipline, and hard work brings about a change that affects millions of others.

Life may be a dream, but the only way to unlock its true meanings and affect change is to begin with one. We must have a dream. We must believe in the impossible.

I know my dream. I want to be rich. Not just financial freedom rich, but rich beyond your wildest dream. Shallow you say? Well thank you.

But, only if I am rich will I be able to do what I really want to do.

Rich is not a goal nor is it the end of my dream; it is only a means for me to achieve my purpose in this life. I know I am here for a reason bigger then trying to survive my daily grind. Rich means I could feed the poor, school the orphaned, and fend for the disabled. Rich means I could show others that it can be done, and that they too should dream and be successful. Rich means that I could finally stop asking - and start giving.

The vivid description Archer gives in his diaries brings us into the realm of his mind and how it works. It is intimate. I like the notion that while he accepts his fate, he reserves some room to hope for a better tomorrow. Imagine his great grandchildren reading his books long after he is gone. The discipline he has, the hard work he endures, and the unrelenting drive to believe in himself - and fulfill his dreams over and over again.

So here I am rowing, rowing, rowing and while merry I may be, I have a dream to fulfill. Let me be, don’t wish me luck but come and dream along with me. Perhaps one day I could write all about it – and let our children see that it can be done.

All you need is a dream.

Take five

2006-01-19T12:17:00.001+08:00

I have decided to just keep on typing what is in my mind for the next five minutes. The only edit I will make later is for spelling errors. So if you are looking for some deep insights into philosophical innuendo’s - don’t.

This will be what I call a brain dump.

Anything and everything goes. I have been blogging sporadically for a while now, and this is due to the new… Yikes, I can’t say what I am doing now, and that seems to inhibit my flow of thought quite a bit. Anyway, it is something new and should be launched sometime in the near future. Besides that, there isn’t much to say.

On other fronts it is me trying to improve on my golf which is going down the tube nowadays. I am planning another trip to Jakarta for golf in the near future, and am trying to get my game to a level that would be worth the trip. We are thinking of Bogoraya, Gunung Gilis, and our usual Cengkaring pit-stop on the way back this time (Zed’s Note: Cengkaring is near the airport, and we usually play there before our flight back). I haven’t played Gunung Gilis, and am looking forward to it.

Okay that’s it. My five minutes is up.

Men are like wine. Really?

2006-01-12T10:47:00.001+08:00

I had this interesting chat with Ain last week. Ain is a friend of a friend, and it was the first time I met her, she is twenty five and hot. Very hot. She exudes a charming confidence and a smile that seems to say, lets have fun and come laugh with me. My friends and I were in Chinoz just shooting the breeze after work, when she joined us for a drink.

Ain shared a story about how an elderly man invited himself to join her table before we arrived. As she didn’t want to be rude, she did let the gentleman join her, and obviously his lines were predictable. How pretty she is, how smart she looks, how he wished that he had known her earlier, how she looks like a model, okay just go ahead and fill in the blanks, you probably have heard most of it anyway.

We chat about her “old dude” and she mentioned something interesting. She said “Men are like wine, they age slowly, and are almost always better with time”. This was the reason she was curious to hear what the “old dude” had to say, though she was disappointed – this time. I can see the logic in this, it made sense.

As men age, we overcome our insecurities and are not longer eager to flash our alpha male manners, rather we exhibit a certain class to demonstrate our stature. No more chest thumping, laughing loudly, and obnoxious challenges to fellow boys to see who is bigger or stronger. We are suave and self-assured.

We know that figuring out women is an endless loop that is not bound by any rules, but rather she will just change depending on the weather, her hormones, the last conversation she had, and perhaps what she had for breakfast. So men after a certain age, just stops trying to solve the women puzzle, and would rather just enjoy the product. Skin deep is deep enough for most.

Women like this.

They don’t want to be figured out, but instead she use words like love and care to describe their relationships. They don’t need a mechanic to tinker with their head. It is the joy of feeling safe and protected that makes a women happiest, and she will continue to test this feeling – consciously or unconsciously. She will push the limits of her relationship to see how far she could go, and establish her territory. She draws a line around her man, and keeps a fierce eye for any potential rival. In return, she provides all the benefits that a woman has to offer. Sex, food, and that occasional place for a man to go to and let his guards down.

Imagine the lion keeping an eye on his pride. One male, with the lioness doing all his hunting, and protecting the cubs for him. His job is simply to ensure that no other male mates with his girls, and that he keeps the pride away from any harm that might come to it. For this, he will sacrifice his life.

No women would say no to a man that could make her feel safe and wanted.

Alas, it does take a while for a man to figure this out. All the dance and rituals of impressing a women we make was really a show we put up to drive the other guys away. As for the women? They are silently judging the character of their potential mate, and incidentally if they like someone they call it chemistry; or better yet fate.

Actually what they saw was a man able to care for them and will be there when things do take a turn for the worst, just so she could have the best environment for her future offspring. She may say that she doesn’t want children – yet. Truth is, it is biological and is imprinted in our DNA. One of the reason we are put here on earth is to procreate, and as long as that opportunity presents itself; we will.

So as these young runts go about wondering why do these “matured” men seem to be able to pluck their girls as if there was some kind of magic, and as the kids think it has to do with the expensive cars and watches, we sit back in our comfortable chairs and smile. We know something you don’t my young jedi.

It took a while, but we figured out what women want boys. She wants everything. Or at least the thought of being able to have everything; will sometimes suffice. Here kitty, kitty...

Pictures are from Postsecret

Come and get me New Year. I am ready!

2005-12-30T10:59:00.001+08:00

Part Two: Nature XCIX

A DEW sufficed itself
And satisfied a leaf,
And felt, “how vast a destiny!
How trivial is life!”

The sun went out to work,
The day went out to play,
But not again that dew was seen
By physiognomy.

Whether by day abducted,
Or emptied by the sun
Into the sea, in passing,
Eternally unknown

Emily Dickinson (1830–86)

Another year folds upon itself, and a new one dawns upon us.

This time, we tell ourselves it will just be the same. No need for resolutions and no need for change as it is inevitably a colossal disappointment come year end anyway. Why bother, we tell ourselves. This year, I shall just take it as it comes.

I have spent the last few weeks reflecting on my own life, and concluded that perhaps this is not the way to go after all. Incidentally before I found out about blogging and obviously got hooked to it, like the first time a baby finds his pacifier, I have always kept a journal. In college it was hand written, and as I progressed it got digital and most of it now is nicely tucked away for my reading ruminations. So as I reflect on the past, reading these entries, preparing myself for the future - I noticed that as much as I would like to say that I have evolved over the years, most of the issues I face are still the same.

They say people never change. Perhaps there is some truth in this. However, thanks to this blog, as Jo once mentioned, I have witnesses to what I write and how I see myself. Hopefully in months to come, this blogger will be able to shape himself into a being that would finally be of some use to others. Otherwise, it shall just be another superficial ride in the park, one that ends with laughter but carries a lingering taint of mindless amusement.

There is a quote I like, which I got from the sidebar’s Quote of the Day.

"Man knows so much and does so little."
R. Buckminster Fuller

We often know what we need to do to meet the goals and objectives that we set for ourselves. However, as time goes by - procrastination, mismanaged priorities, lack of interest or simply just gool old plain laziness affects our outcomes. Year in and year out we ask ourselves where did the money go? Why am I working so hard just to be at the same spot all over again? How about my relationship? Where is it heading? Why do we have so much in common, yet make so little out of it? Then comes the questions about our careers. Is this what I want to do for a living? Is this all there is? Do I want to grow old and turn into my balding boss? Did I make the right choice in the first place?

This inevitably is one of the fundamental building blocks of life. Asking difficult questions.

Too often we jump into the quagmire of issues, problems and dilemmas and immediately seek for an answer. This is how we were taught when we were growing up. For every question, there is an answer. Some multiple choices, others subjective – and for each of our answers we were given a grade.

Well, guess what?

There is no grade in life, and there is no right nor wrong answers. It is all right or all wrong, depending on which point of view you take. As far as grades are concerned, people have decided to look upon you based upon what car you drive and how big your house is as a measurement. This materialistic view of life is inevitable as society decides which caste we belong to. Humans are natural born bigots, and the only way we can survive is to pigeonhole a person to where he or she belongs in the different strata's of our society which in turn enables us to relate to them.

Meet a Datuk? Jump up, shake his hands vigorously, and try to be as charming as possible. Meet simple Joe, with shiny plastic looking pants and rows of pen hanging in his shirt pocket? Well, a polite smile will do. This is who we are. We are born into a society that have stereotyped almost every nuance that we portray.

What is going to stop this?

Asking the right questions, and to continue being curious. Only when we question ourselves will we be able to create the badly needed speed-bumps for a reality check. Otherwise, it is just a straight drive, do not Pass Go, and continue with our mindless surge for needless necessities.

We need to check ourselves. Sometimes, we nod and give ourselves that well deserved pat on the back, other times we cringe in shame and wish we could turn back time. This necessity to reflect on who we are, where we are heading, and where are we now - is just a simple way to make sure that with the many distractions life has to offer, we keep moving forward.

If the child never shouted “The King is not wearing any cloths!” everyone would still pretend that everything is fine, and the poor King would still be walking around without his cloths. So these inquisitive nature in us are the milestones that halts the ego that we blow-up as we age. Let the child loose sometimes, and see what he or she has to say.

As we rendezvous with destiny, we sometimes ask if we actually contributed to the events that happened, or was it just fate? Well, no one doubts that fate played a role in what we achieved, but make no mistake, it was us that put our self into the path of opportunity or destruction to begin with. We could choose to stay on the same course, going to the same job day in and day out, and continue ranting about never having enough money; or we could change our own fate by changing our career or getting ourselves educated further to improve our opportunity.

All in all, I learned one simple truth from this ending year.

The truth to it all lies inside us. We get a say to what happens to us down the road, simply based on what we do today. And it all boils down to the choices we make, and actions we follow through with.

The only way to have money is either to earn more, or to spend less - no need for a financial guru to tell you this. The only way to have a relationship is to reach out. No one could dive into the depth of your being and read you like a book. You have to take chances and make mistakes - some will be rewarded and others you will learn from.

And most importantly to be happy? It is to strive towards the good things in life. You can choose to be grumpy, as so many do, but if you choose to ignore the small things in life, and excel in what is important then happiness is inherent to the achievements we make.

So here's to a new year, new reasons to live, and new friends to live it with!

Cheers!

(Zed's Note: The picture was nicked from binx's
site. Thanks May for the
reminder, and binx for the pix.)

[physiognomy]

1. The art of judging human character from facial features. Divination based on facial features.
2. Facial features, especially when regarded as revealing character.

When forever is never

2005-12-29T10:32:00.000+08:00

Pernah dulu kufikirkan
Tanpa cinta tak mengapa
Bila kau pergi kurasakan
Sunyinya dihati
Baru kini kutahu
Nilai cintamu

It has been a while. A while since I have thought of the moments we created. A while since my mind played your portraits ever so slowly. A while since I felt this numb and senseless feelings. A while since I thought of these thoughts. A while since anyone have completed my thoughts. And then you called.

No dear, no one have called me and cried because they missed me, and simply because they loved me. No one, but you. You know love, and you know how to love. No one have showed me the true colors of love besides you. But we both knew it was never meant to be. There will be no us.

Lama telah ku impikan
Gadis sepertinya
Mengisi taman hati
Dengan cahaya kasih (suci)
Siapakah gadis yang ku idam...

Yes, I miss you. Tremendously. I miss the times we had, and the times we shared. I miss missing you. It was when I felt that life had a meaning. It spelled out feelings that felt so good, I felt guilty. It couldn’t be this good, it shouldn’t. But it was. It was good indeed. We enjoyed it. Yes we hurt each other doing so, but we did it anyway, because sometimes wrong is right.

No, it wasn’t without its price. We both paid. We paid dearly, and we are still paying. It will never ever go away. It was that good and it was that expensive. A lifetime of slavery is nothing compared to the bliss we shared.

Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi mimpi berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa diriku
Kerana kehilanganmu

It never felt the same after. We both knew it. We both knew that what we had would also be the last time we will ever have it. It will never be the same again, now that we know that there is such a thing called love, such a thing called forever, such a thing called complete. We thought we were strong, that we were infallible, alas we were not. It hurts me thinking this thought, and I know it hurts you knowing that I am thinking it.

It never felt like it would end. We both thought that today and tomorrow and forever was the same. It was not. It never was and never will be.

Andainya aku punya waktu
Masih ku ingin mengulangi semula
Saat indah bersama mu
Sayang tak berkesempatan
Abadikan saja salam ku di ingatan
Salam ku yang terakhir

This is not goodbye. There can be no goodbye in forever. This feeling will last. We shared a moment, one that shall remain. I will be here just as much as you will be there. Far maybe; but never ever apart.

Never ever.

One that makes me warm, and proud to be Malaysian

2005-12-27T16:13:00.001+08:00

I have my own opinions of my country. I am proud of it for sure, though I am sometimes troubled by some incidents that perhaps could be handled better.

Once in a while though we come across someone whom is able to see through the colors of the country and see a glimpse of what this nation is all about. The amalgamated society of race, religion, and political belief is one of acceptance, as today we have gone well beyond simply being tolerant.

We have matured into a country where being different is expected, and it is not one that we have to live with – but one that we have come to accept and cherish.

I look forward to grow in this country where one day we will harness the different values of our race for the betterment of a nation. One day we will cross pollinate our abilities to make us an economic and political influence that will be the glue to a united Asian Economic Community and again repeat the role of being the trading post of the region; not unlike what Malacca was not too distant in the past.

We have so much to gain, working together - and much more to lose if we don’t.

I found this article over at BlogsMalaysia and am compelled to share. Do visit the original links of the article and BlogsMalaysia to seek more.

And to Justin Raimondo... I bid you Terima Kasih.

________________________________

Christmas in Malaysia It's not what you might imagine
December 23, 2005
by Justin Raimondo

To say that Malaysia is not what I imagined would be an understatement of epic proportions. Situated just south of Thailand, north of Indonesia, and quite close to the equator, the country describes itself as officially "Islamic," and this, at least in the minds of most Americans, means a stultifying uniformity, a monolithic apparatus of cultural and all too often political repression. It means women in burqas, gay people in hiding, and a society generally groaning under the weight of an enormous repression. Therefore, when I was invited to attend the Perdana Global Peace Forum as a speaker, I was somewhat hesitant, to say the least: did I really want to venture forth into such a forbidding landscape? So my initial answer was "no." But after doing a little research, and in response to the urgings of Antiwar.com's webmaster, Eric Garris, I reconsidered. What, I reasoned, could possibly happen to me? After all, I had lived in that most dangerous and forbidding realm, the New York City of pre-Giuliani days, where you were just as likely to be mugged as anything else, and in broad daylight, too. Yet I had lived to tell the tale. So, I thought, what the heck – why not?

I am now well into my second week of staying in Kuala Lumpur, at the fabulous Crowne Plaza Hotel, and it is clearer than ever that my prejudices were not only mistaken – they were and are the exact opposite of the truth. Malaysia is the virtual incarnation of religious and ethnic diversity, a veritable melting pot of racial and devotional groups that somehow manage to live in relative harmony far beyond anything I have seen even in that paradigmatic paragon of multiculturalism, California. Malays, Chinese, Indians, Arabs, and a generous smattering of Anglo expats swarm the streets of Kuala Lumpur, the biggest city in the country: yes, there is a Muslim majority, but non-Muslims are not subject to sharia law. Malay Muslims coexist with Chinese Catholics, and Buddhist priests roam the Bukhit Bintang plaza, begging, amidst crowds shopping for the latest fashions and punk rockers with pink hair stroll fearlessly down the street.

You never saw such diversity. And that's just during the daytime. At night…

I'm getting ahead of myself. Of course, I didn't come here for the nightlife: I came for the Perdana Peace Forum, which was favored with an impressive array of speakers: former Australian prime minister Bob Hawke, British MP George Galloway, former UN assistant secretary-general Denis Halliday, Pakistan-born Britain-based writer and filmmaker Tariq Ali, former UN assistant secretary-general Hans von Sponeck, Daniel Ellsberg, and anti-nuclear-arms activist and writer Helen Caldicott. Representing the Malaysians were former prime minister Dr. Mahathir Mohamad, current Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, and Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak.

I had some concerns about former Prime Minister Mahathir, but then I read this Paul Krugman column and my fears were somewhat allayed. Upon meeting Dr. Mahathir, whatever reservations remained were put completely to rest: the man seems to emanate benevolence and great gentleness, almost an aura of serenity, like some sort of Buddhist guru.

Another concern was the appearance of any connection to a government entity: Antiwar.com does not accept money from any governmental source, nor do we affiliate ourselves with the activities of any government. Only after receiving assurances that not a penny of Malaysian government money was going into the conference did we agree to attend. The conference was, indeed, a model of private enterprise in action, with corporate contributions from Ambank Group, Berjaya Corporation Bhd, Country Heights Holdings Bhd, Kuala Lumpur Kepong Bhd, Malayan Banking Bhd, Multi-Purpose Holdings Bhd, Sri Inderajaya Holdings Sdn Bhd, the Sunway Group, and the Sapura Group of Companies. Nestle and Dell Computers were also among the corporate sponsors.

At any rate, the conference was… amazing. Literally thousands of ordinary Malaysians heard the speakers and then divided into discussion groups. Around a third to a half were young people, and their questions and comments provided an illuminating glimpse into the minds of non-Americans, who look on America with great affection and respect and yet object to the actions of the American government.

Eric Garris has gone into the incident involving Zimbabwe's dictator Robert Mugabe, who suddenly showed up uninvited, so I won't go into too many of the details. Suffice to say that I made a point of working a denunciation of Mugabe's thuggery into my speech, an event that seemed to catalyze general opposition to his presence. An event at which Mugabe was supposed to speak was canceled, and, in answer to inquiries about Mugabe's presence, Dr. Mahathir remarked: "Everybody can attend. If he wants to say how good it is to be a dictator, he can."

I have to say that there was none of the crude anti-Americanism at the conference that one has – sadly – come to expect at gatherings of antiwar activists. Eric and I made a point of linking the cause of peace to the cause of free markets at every opportunity, a viewpoint that was especially appreciated by the conference organizers.

I have to say that I am… astonished by Malaysia. Here is an "Islamic" country where a gigantic

Christmas tree sits in the lobby of the hotel I'm staying at, and the café waiters in the plaza a few blocks away are dressed like Santa's elves. Here is a city where the nightlife puts San Francisco's to shame. Where the city's oldest gay bar, the Blue Boy, makes Baghdad-by-the-Bay seem like a dive in Podunk, Idaho; where people party well into the morning light, and you can have a good time for a few ringgits (the Malay currency: around 30 cents). The food is fabulous: Malay (spicy, somewhat Thai-like), Arab (there's a great place right off Bukhit Bintang), Chinese (you haven't lived until you've sampled the pleasures of Kuala Lumpur's Chinatown), and too many more to go into here. The place is a gastrointestinal paradise!

Modernity is juxtaposed next to traditionalism: on the one hand you have the soaring heights of the Petronas Twin Towers, the tallest buildings in the world, lit up like a vision of futurity against the night sky, and on the other hand you have women in traditional dress – colorful costumes of bright color and the requisite head covering – traversing its corridors. Two, three, many worlds coexisting: the past and the future converging into a new synthesis of creativity and entrepreneurial energy. The impression one gets is of a tremendous vitality, a restless yet directed life-force that seems to spring right out of the earth.

A final note: nowhere have I experienced more genuine warmth and such a feeling of welcome. When you come to Kuala Lumpur, you are made to feel very special. The gentleness and politeness of these people is a phenomenon that doesn't exist, to my knowledge, anywhere in the U.S. Malays are generally puzzled by the actions of the U.S. government abroad, and do not support the war in Iraq: but they love America, the country, and show great admiration and respect for the American people. And that is the kind of "anti-Americanism" that I can live with.

The Christmas and New Year Tag-along

2005-12-22T12:29:00.002+08:00

Well, we are now very close to closing this chapter of our diaries, blogs, and whatever else we use to keep our thoughts in. It is perhaps a good time to reflect after all.

Incidentally I was tagged by Sheryl, which she got from Helen, who got it from Zara’s Mama who in turn got it from Maria a.k.a. Twinsmum and apparently the original tag was in Chinese characters which either came from Mingming or Wong Teck Jung and at this point I lost the trail due to my lack of linguistic capacity when suddenly everything became a myriad of characters I wish I could read but couldn’t.

Anyway, to make a very long story short here is the tag.

Person I want my Santa to be:

The gift that I wish to get:

The RM 120,000,000.00 eCourt Project that keeps going back-and-forth like a very long boring rally in badminton! Just give it to me already. I’ll get it up and running in no time, and people would then be whizzing through the courts like it was a cashier counter at Carrefour!

So, now that we’ve got the tag done, lets move on to the next topic.

I was out last night with some friends and we started talking about blogging. Lo and behold! To my pleasant surprise, there were three active bloggers around the table, and as there were like eleven of us, most of the rest were either already commenting on blogs or are planning to start one. Well, well, well interesting as it may be, I also realized something about blogs.

While the personality we present in our daily life may project a certain image, over on a blog we are sometimes a completely different person. It may not really be who we are, or sometimes it is a reflection of our true self emerging in an atmosphere that suggests some form of placid tranquility.

Yes on a blog we are not unlike Superman faster then a speeding bullet, stronger then a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound! We are able to impose upon others what we think and feel, when in real life this may be suppressed by the fact that we have a nanosecond to come out with something smart to say, or end up being left out in the corner of the table nursing our drinks watching the hoopla of conversations going on like an F1 race. Yes, here in blogosphere, some of us are Superman.

Able to say much more, at our own pace at our own terms and this got me thinking about me.

Who am I in real life, as compared to this Zed fellow writing all these nuances about himself? I usually try not to write about others, simply because I don’t like it. I am not much of a gossip-monger, and people often do take offence when you write stuff about them, even if you meant well, or even if you meant it as a joke. I also realized that this anonymity we carry on our blogs is a false sense of security as someday, someone will figure out who you are, and about what you have said about them. No I cherish my fragile peace of mind a wee bit too much to bring about the notion that I am holier then thou.

In our blogs we are amongst equals. I know not who you are, and nor do you I.

On a final note.

I may have perhaps in my entries and comments made a conjecture that doesn’t sit well with you. As I hop the blogs, leaving multitude of comments here and there, perhaps I may have inadvertently piss you off. For that, and in the spirit of the days to come, and the beginning of a brand new year - I beg you for your forgiveness. I have much to lose when I lose a friend, and much more to gain when I gain your friendship virtual or real it matters not.

So from one blogger to another I bid you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a heck of a 2006!

Oh by the way, here is who I really want for Christmas!

No you are not lost, just audacious

2005-12-21T11:15:00.001+08:00

How often have we been in a position where we suddenly realized that we don’t know what we are doing, not sure where we are, or perhaps just suddenly confused with all our bearings? I have been rather cryptic in the last few entries, and as Jo mentioned “You seem as though you're going through a phase of reflection this time of year, ey?” and also according to Rostam “Zed, u r beginning to write like MIV”.

Well this is no coincidence.

I am reflective, and I have been attempting to hide behind the cloak of cryptic allusions, however when I began to read what I have written I realized that some of the joy from what really is happening is taken out. Well, such is the price of a blog. Amongst close friends over a few drinks, perhaps even a game of Pictionary over at La Bodega, much more could be shared and the tête-à-tête of the evening would be just a tad more lively.

However, on these pages it would suffice to say that much is happening.

Often as we embark on a venture, we lose the dependable charted maps that have guided us well over the years. What was once taken for granted is no longer at our fingertips. The worn out assumptions we used to make, and decisions that was based on dealings that haven’t really changed over the years are no longer trustworthy.

I was having this chat with my very good friend and business partner yesterday as we sat in the Jacuzzi at the Andana Spa in the new Holiday Inn over at Glenmarie. By the way, I would recommend this spot to everyone, it is available to both sexes, has a very open ambience and allows everybody to mingle in its centre lounge – complete with VIP Rooms. A good place to unwind along with clients, and does not have any of the dodgy character often associated with the word Spa nowadays.

We spoke of many things, some about our plans, some about the new beginnings, and some about the needless need to know exactly what is going to happen. Yes, when you jump into anarchy head first, sometimes one would not want to know too much. We would rather let circumstance dictate the course of action that ensues. So now with so little to hang on, and so much to plunder we wondered what would hold us together? I believe that in the chaos of mutiny, war, and the pursuit of one’s dreams taking out the rusty Moral Compass may perhaps be the only defense from losing one’s way.

In each of our endeavors, the guiding philosophy between right and wrong lies in simple bearings once taught to us a long time ago. I believe that within each and everyone of us lies a clear distinction between good versus evil, hence as long as we remain true to the north of good and steer away from the south of evil the journey will chart its own course.

As we spent the rest of the evening over a few games of pool, and a Japanese dinner which I would not recommend, we were subdued by the fact that we will have to live with the uncertainties of what lies ahead, and leverage on our collective capabilities of what we leave behind. So even if the feelings feels like being lost, one simply have to earn one’s right to be audacious as one faces the anarchy of altercations.

Even though ablazed

2005-12-20T11:56:00.000+08:00

If I had to do it all over again
I need all the bruises to be the same
As I know not the difference between good and bad
Since some good came from the bad
And some bad came from the good

So as I cherish my existence
I too shall cherish each penance
Every each one that brought me here
For me to ponder thereafter
And let me look upon these days

As if it was gloriously hazed
Even though some may disagree
But to me
It is mine to say and do
So I shall not leave it up to you

To say what is mine to take
Or what is mine to break
As within each and glorious days
Even though there is always some haze
Yet all is worthy of a place

Deep within this long and lonely passage

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

I want it all

2005-12-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

Yes, the cake, eating the cake, and having my unfair share of the cake too. All of it. In fact you should too! The mediocrity of being in the middle, being the good guy, being the one that gives in is lost in the glory of greed that is cheered on by the masses of our society. The man that spends his day making an honest living from dusk to dawn, barely breaking bread for his family, living at the mercy of what his government and his employers decide upon is nothing but a life of peasant-hood jeered by some, booed by others. They call him lazy, they call him a loser, yes they call him many names while he persists that he is contented with life, and they sympathized with his complacency.

No we want to watch more then that. We want to watch a man fight odds well beyond him, win or lose it doesn’t matter as long as it is something worth watching.

So what if a man takes the easy way out? There isn’t anything fun there. We want a man to fight on with his arms torn off, his legs bleeding profusely and an arrow stuck to his back. We want to see this man battle his enemies even if it seemed all but hopeless, and for some of us we want him to win.

Alas, not all of us though. Many amongst us would like to see a man fight a good fight and fall, such is the dark nonchalant spirit we bear within us. Too many of us are too critical of others that we forget, that someone is watching us too. While we watch the man swing his axe, and takes upon blow after blow, we forget that we too are a pawn in another man’s game. We too are being manipulated like puppets on a string for the amusement of others.

So perhaps the question that begs to be answered is, while we watch another man battle his life away, what battles are we fighting and who is watching us? In light of this, I have decided that it is finally time to join the foray.

To jump into anarchy and seek cornucopia.

I am determined to fight an unfair battle, with an unfair advantage and seek an unfair slice and leave fairness to the suckers. Let them rot in their ideal dreams, while I plunder this land, and take well beyond what I need. Now at least, I know which battles I will fight, and why I am fighting for it.

It takes a big man to measure his pursuits beyond what the eyes could see, far into the realms of heaven and hell, as for most of us the chase ends here, and yes over here - good guys do finish last.

[cornucopia]

A goat's horn overflowing with fruit, flowers, and grain, signifying prosperity. Also called horn of plenty.
Greek Mythology. The horn of the goat that suckled Zeus, which broke off and became filled with fruit. In folklore, it became full of whatever its owner desired.
A cone-shaped ornament or receptacle.
An overflowing store; an abundance: a cornucopia of employment opportunities.

When all you have is what you see

2005-12-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

I reflect on what have passed me by
I glee at the thoughts of what might have been
I gloat at the thoughts of what has been
I grimace at the thoughts of what should have been
But worst of all I was appalled
When I realized that all I see was

Me

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

Top 10 Signs: You know you've run out of stuff to blog about...

2005-12-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

10. You think Blogthings is the next best thing to sliced bread

9. You start tweaking with your blog to change its look and layout

8. You start blogging about your childhood days

7. You blog about other blog

6. You dig out old meme/tags and finally get to doing it

5. You wished someone actually tagged you before!

4. You post lyrics

3. You post incoherent short entries or say that you are on a break

2. You start to think that there is more to life then blogging

And... Number 1 on the Top Ten Signs You know you've run out of stuff to blog about is!!!

Still scrolling?

1. Your post is about "You know you've run out of stuff to blog about..."
and you slap people's cartoon in-between to fill in the blanks!

It’s time...

2005-12-13T19:43:00.001+08:00

It was five o’clock in the morning. I am very cold, and I am not sure if it was because of the rain or the fact that I am going to die this morning. I finished my prayers and saw that my tears have stained my praying-mat like a whole bowl of water just spilled all over it. I didn’t sleep at all last night, as I took turns either praying or crying my head off. I knew it was too late. Hoping against hope isn’t going to get me anywhere. As the Ustaz mentioned yesterday, I have to “Redha” as this is my fate. I have to accept it.

I fought a good fight. I am innocent. But who isn’t if the gallows are inches away from their neck, who is not innocent? No one believes me, and I have exhausted all my plea’s, there is no one left that I could beg for my life.

I heard the footsteps and the jingle of keys as the guards opened the outer door that leads to my cell. The sound of other inmates roused by the commotion is beginning to rise. One recited the “Azan”, while others were just shouting incoherently. My vision became very sharp, it was as if I could take a knife and slice through everything I see. The noise was silenced by the guards, except for the “Azan”. Kadir just went on delivering the “Azan”, and the guards let him. Kadir was next, and he knew it. He too have little to hope for as he was caught with a van full of marijuana, and crying innocent is not going to help him either.

I am done crying. I am done regretting. I am just done being done.

I wish that the next few minutes could be sped up into seconds. I just wanted to get this over with. I no longer have any fight in me. Though I am very afraid. I am very afraid of the inevitable pain. They say that dying is painful, and I am afraid that it is going to hurt. I asked the Ustaz yesterday if God would forgive my sins, as I now know when I am going to die. They said that the door to repentance is closed after you die, does that apply if I knew when I am going to die? He said that it is up to God, and God is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful. I only wished that human was as forgiving.

They looked at me from outside my cell as if I am going to lunge and wreck their well laid out routines. I looked at the guards and the Warden, smiled and told them to come in and get me. I may not be ready, but if I am to meet my maker, it might just as well be now. This is a good day to die. I didn’t know if it was courage or if it was just abandonment. I have failed to be alive, I might as well look forward to death.

They opened the door gingerly and stepped inside. Two of the guards immediately stood behind me and cuffed my hands. The Warden looked at me, and with a face full of regret as if he agreed with my innocence, he read my charges and the punishment meted upon me. Then the Ustaz walked into the cell and asked me if there is anything I would like to say to him. I looked at him, my eyes was cloudy as tears was streaming, and I couldn’t find my voice. The words did not come out. So instead I just looked at him and shook my head. He came closer and hugged me, and I just kept on weeping. He kissed me on the forehead as if I am his long lost son and said “Sabarlah nak, semua ini bukan kerja kita lagi. Redhalah nak… redha lah. Mengucap nak, mengucap. Ikut saya mengucap”. And we both in unison recited the proclamation of faith that there is only one God and that Muhammad is his Prophet. He then said that my family and him will be reading the Ya’asin outside while they proceeded with my execution. I never thought of that. Reading the Ya’asin for a man condemn to death not by disease nor by some freak accident. Condemn to death by a system that does not work. A system that have failed to single me out as innocent.

I knew that there was nothing that I can do. These people are going to kill me, and there is nothing I can do. I don’t know how to explain the feeling. I feel so helpless. I am going to be killed for a crime I never committed. Yet I am supposed to accept it as my fate? I am supposed to “Redha”? I ask god if this is what he meant by his test. If this was a test, I have failed for sure, because in all my acceptance and in all my repentance, I have not come to “Redha” my fate. I can’t. My life will to be taken away from me, and I can’t accept that.

They walked me out of my cell, and we slowly made our way to the execution-chamber just next to the cells. The cell was again loud with shouts from all the inmates, and this time even the guards could not quench the cry.

I was brought into a brightly lit room with a large black curtain in front of it. I thought that the room would be a lot bigger. It was quite cramped and the black curtain hides a screen; and the people that will be watching me die. In the middle of the room was the gallows. There was a triangular piece of wood that looks almost like a bench under the gallows.

The guard said that he is going to cover my head now. I looked at him and asked him his name. He looked at the Warden. I said that I am going to die, who am I going to tell his name to? The Warden nodded his approval. The guard said his name was Muhammad. I smiled. I said that if there was anyone that I wanted to kill me, perhaps Muhammad is the best person. I found comfort in his name, but then I am a man about to die in the next few minutes. I would probably try to find comfort in anything.

My legs felt very weak as Muhammad covered my head. They carried me forward, and I knew why they had the piece of wood under the gallows. It was to support me so I could stand upright. I felt someone placing the noose around my head. Its leather rubbed against my neck as they slid it into position. I can’t stop crying, and I could hear them saying “Mengucap, mengucap, mengucap”.

I am angry. Angry at the fact that I am going to die.

I was so angry that the rage in my head no longer have an enemy. I no longer know who to blame or who to hate. I wanted so much to blame God. He did this to me. He is the reason that I am going to die! And in that fraction of a second I finally understood what the Ustaz was trying to tell me. “Redha lah” … Accept it. I realized now what I am supposed to accept. God if I accept this, will you pay me with heaven in return? Will you let me grace heaven’s door for accepting my fate as a man of religion? Will you?

Then there was a crash, like a thousand whip cracked all at the same time as I struggled to regain my footing, the floor gave way and I felt like I fell for eternity, and finally it was all silent…

(Zed's Note: I read the first few comments to this story and decided to add this. Before you guys think that I am off the cliff or something I'd better give this story some context! Okay, this was written quite a while back. I was at Pudu Jail, in the execution chamber and they had a play-by-play of the last morning a person goes through as he is brought into the room and hanged. I have always wondered what goes through a man's head as he walks into this room. Perhaps it's morbid, or even despicable but as a country we have decided that it is acceptable to hang a person to death. Many have died at the end of this rope, and some or maybe only one - just one person; is truly innocent. How would he have felt as he goes through the last final moments of his life?

Actually we will never know. Anyway, this is just another one of my stories as I continue to experiment with this medium of telling tales. If it has disturbed you, then I am sorry. If it did not, then perhaps I have failed?)

Blogology 101: An Introduction to Blogs

2005-12-12T13:50:00.000+08:00

So you want to be a blogger?

Are you sure? Have you given this enough thought? Have you done your homework and understand the implications of being a blogger? Are you prepared to make the sacrifice? Do you know what it takes to live the live of a blogaholic? If you answered no to any of the questions I asked, now is a good time to get out of this class. Otherwise, welcome.

Welcome to Blogology 101.

This class does not involve dissecting frogs, human anatomy or the study of the reproductive systems. That would be Biology 101.

In this class, as some of you probably have heard, attendance is optional, updating your blogs mandatory and a final result at the end of the semester inevitable. You will get what you put into this class, and I shall not be the one trying to force you to learn. This is a 2 credit hour class and it is on every Monday and Wednesday at 10.00am. As long as there is one person in the class, I shall begin my lectures and as there are never any handouts, and quizzes are always done through the blog you are welcomed to decide on your attendance. It is only a pass or fail elective class, so this class shall not have a big impact on your grades.

All of your scores will be based through quizzes and how frequent you update your blog. So remember a stale blog, is a failing blogger.

So, lets get started. First what is Blogology?

Blogology is the study of the blogosphere ecosystem, understanding bloggers within, and creating an alternate lifestyle in the virtual domain of comment boxes and incessant blog entries. Blogology is also about having a good blog, and increasing the visibility of your blogs. Note that I said visibility, this means the number of hits you get, and the number of visitors to your blog. If you decide to go commercial, then you shall have to attend our next class Blogology 201: The Commercialization Of Blogs

Today, we shall discuss the basics of blogging.

I shall provide you with several tips to get you started, and from then you have the rest of the class to get started with your blogs, and make your first few steps in this brand new world. In case you don't know how a blog looks like, now is a good time to flip through a few of the sites that is in the favorites folder of the PC in front of you. Just go ahead an open any sites you like and browse through. Tell me what you see?

What is a blog? Blogs are expressions. An expression made on a site to reflect an opinion, a state of mind or simply some people's way of looking for attention. Bloggers are people who express themselves in many ways. Some through pictures, some via graphics on their sites, and others in words sharing their thoughts and emotions.

The basic beginning of a blog is that it expresses something, it doesn't matter what, but it is one thought, idea, emotion, even opinion being expressed on one end, and you receiving it on the other.

Okay, lets move on. The following are some guidelines that would help you get started and also aid in your blogging days ahead.

1. Have a blog, write a blog.
Blogging is for everybody. It doesn't really matter what you write, of if your English is good or bad, or if you write in Malay, Chinese or any language that you prefer. But what is important is that you say something. Anything. One word, one page or a even single picture it does not matter. When you blog, often its an outlet for you to vent, or a platform for you to say something. Go ahead and spill.

There are many reasons to blog, but one result is inevitable. When you have a blog, even if it is meant for family and friends – it is out in the world wide web, so anyone may be able to drop by your site. This in itself limits what you could publish on your blog and creates the self-governance nature of blogs. If you don’t want the whole world to see your face, perhaps you may want to go anonymous. However, this may not allow you to rise to become a really popular blog as people have a tendency to relate to faces and individuals rather then an icon on a blog.

2. If you want some, you gotta give some
This is an interesting notion. As one writes, one seeks to find readers that would drop by their site and read.

How do you get people to read your blog?

Well if they don’t know of your site, how would they drop by? So some blog-trolling is required here. Most of your visitors will drop by your site following your link from comments you dropped in their site or some other blog sites. So unless you drop your comment in other blogs, not many would know of your existence. You comments then becomes like an advertisement of your site.

It would help if you could find yourself a blogger-hub. A blogger-hub is one of the blog that already has many visitors that drops by and comment. It usually has comments amounting up to the thirties for each of its entries.

Drop a comment and also follow the links in this site, read the blog and drop a comment on the blogs that you’ve read. Then follow the links on the blogs that you have visited and keep repeating the same process - this is blog-trolling. This have been the modus operandi of many successful bloggers out there. (Zed’s Note: Which includes a cat recently let loose on the blog. You could see him everywhere! LOL) It only takes a few weeks to let the blogging community know of your existence, and once the word is out you will inevitably get quite a number of bloggers dropping by.

However, just a point to remember. Most bloggers look at comments as reciprocating visits, so if you stop reading their blogs and no longer leave comments, they might just stop dropping by your site too!

3. If you want 'em them to stay, you gotta give 'em a reason
No one wants to return to a blog that has not been updated for weeks, so update your blog kids.

4. The kind of audience you have depends on the kind of things you say
Blogs are not unlike the person behind it. If you are an obnoxious little runt, guess what people of the same kind would relate to what you have to say, while others are turned off by your offensive remarks. Hence, while some might drop by once in a while out of curiosity, most would just leave.

However, blogs is NOT an attempt to please other bloggers, as it is YOUR expression. Be as you like, just remember that it is not without recrimination. Freedom of speech is a double edged sword. If you must have an opinion, then you must also be ready to read about others that disagrees with you.

One more thing.

If you are a hot babe, and is looking to increase your hits – remember that sex sells. Sex have always sold, and will never stop selling. So slap your blog with your picture and go around the blog dropping comments with your face as your icon. Believe me, your hit counter will thank you!

And so will we bloggers.

5. Beware the black-hole of blogs
Blogging is a unique manner to escape yourself in. Its escapism not unlike alcohol and drugs. It builds its own world around you, and you could get high in this world for as long as you like. Blogging is addictive, so once you’re hooked and is officially a blogaholic, you have to learn to live with this new addiction of yours.

You will wake up in the morning with this urge to update your blog, and start your blog-surfing reading what other blogaholics like yourself have posted on their blog. You will fantasize about how great your blog is and what you could do to improve it. You will suddenly know what HTML is and begins to learn how to tweak your site.

Just remember if you already have no life, blogging may seem a great way to entertain yourself. Guess what? It is!

6. Keep blogging for only as long as you keep having fun
Blogging is supposed to be fun. When it stops being fun, then it is a good time for you to consider stopping too. There is no such thing as a serious blogger, leave that to wannabe’s who has this illusion that how great they are is determined by the stat counter on their site.

7. Don’t forget to update your blog before your next class!

In the next session we will learn about how to make for a blog worth reading. There are many ways to keep your audience coming back, and we will explore the different medium of expressing oneself, all the way from humor to good ol’ plain ranting.

I hope you enjoy the ride!

2005-12-07T09:00:00.001+08:00

If life was so short, then why do we bother so much?
Zed Ezekiel

If I had to choose between the roller coaster ride of life and the one way ticket on a train going straight into the ground with the path of life all planned and executed, I would have to admit that the train is obviously an attractive option. I would love to be able to say that we could plan for life. We could save money, we could build our dream home, or buy the car that we lust for. But here is the deal, irregardless of how well we plan, how trouble-proof our blueprint for life is – life will throw you about nonetheless.

I have always thought that I got into the roller-coaster, as if I had a choice and I chose to hop into the ride and take on the climbs and drops of life. Alas, I was a fool to believe that I had the luxury of choice. How arrogant of me. We could plan all we want, but then life will throw a spanner in the works, and our well laid out plans will be topsy-turvy just as it was meant to be.

No, I didn’t ask for the ride, it was forced upon me.

There I was minding my own business bustling along just like everyone else, and then it came, swoop me into a loop; and expects me to smile while it drops me a hundred feet into a twirl leaving my heart hanging in my throat. We never know when the ride is going to be, but I know for certain that every climb has a drop. As we face our demons, we often think that it is the biggest challenge of our life, well tell that to the people in Pakistan whose children was crushed by crumbling buildings, how about that boy in Iraq who was beaten because he looked scary, or the friend of yours who has everything he ever wanted in the world except for a child of his own, or the little twelve years old cousin who lost her parents in an accident? We all have our own rides, it may differ in magnitude but to each and every one of us it is our reason to bitch and rant about.

I personally think that we should continue to rant. It is a very healthy way of bringing to light our own issues, and perhaps out in the open we will realize that it wasn’t such a big deal after all.

Often as I sit across a person, looking into their eyes and trying to seek what is it that makes them tick, I envy the superficial beings the most. How beautiful life must be for them. Oh my make-up is smudged, my shoes is dirty, my PDA is bigger then your PDA, my car is faster then your car, oh how beautiful to be able to equate life to immaterial wealth and beauty. This would have made life so much less complicated. How I wish I could just take this head of mine off, give it a good kick and put it back on minus the thoughts that constantly whirl around asking never ending questions.

Life can be superficial, and superficial is good. It is simple. It is quick and dirty. It has a beginning and an end.

But with such a naive view of life, I ask myself where is the color? Where is the depth that brings to bear the notion of god? Of good and evil? Of leadership and substance? Of love and hate? Of caring for someone so much that one would sacrifice a lifetime, just to be a part and never apart?

Where would all these be if life was about this shiny new watch? I beseech my self for my callousness in seeking the shallow waters of life, and as tempting as it is just be rich and vain, I need more. All the wealth I have, the house, the car and the blinking goods have not silenced the questions ringing constantly in my head. It wasn’t about what I have to show apparently, it was about not showing what I have. It was about humility. It was about being subservient to a being much greater then my mind could ever comprehend.

No, I didn’t choose the roller coaster after all. The roller coaster chose me.

Is it time to lose weight again? Damn!

2005-12-06T14:42:00.001+08:00

Is there actually anything new to say about losing weight? Seriously, haven’t every dietician, health guru, and a whole bunch of scientist with lab rats on running-wheels spoken and provided every insights possible to this issue? Well the difference is, that this account is from my personal experience of fighting fat. A first-hand view of the hand-to-hand combat in this ensuing saga, as one looks down and hope to see some toes.

Not too long ago I lost 17 kgs or about 37 lbs in about six months. However, since then much to my dismay I have gained about 7 kgs of it back. Just to make matters worst, in the zeal of losing weight I excitedly altered all my pants, and now I am stuck with seven pair of pants which I no longer fit in.

So here I am – huffing and puffing my way back into my own pants.

Friends sometimes ask how I lost the weight in the first place, so here is my story. I started off with a diet program called VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet), which is a just fancy name for not eating! It probably is the best approach if you are trying to lose weight rapidly, except for one small problem. I will guarantee you a visit to the hospital in about two months. You see when we stop eating, we send our body into hormonal hell, along with other sorts of deficiency as the body adjusts and try to make do with what little nourishment it gets. I landed in the hospital sick, as my immune system said screw you and decided to stop fighting simple infections like the flu.

Next I tried the infamous protein diet, again a fancy name for “stop eating rice you dodo”. You see carbohydrate is the body’s happy food. Carbohydrate is turned into sugar for your brain, and is also the source for the hormones which makes you smile in the morning. Take this out, and guess what? You are not only fat, but also crappy and grumpy – not the kind of recipe you would want to go to the office with.

However, as a result of this aggressive diet, coupled with lots of cardio exercise and muscle building I was shedding pounds like a wet baboon jumping up and down shaking its own hair off! Everyday the scales was smiling at me, and then it struck. I got sick again, this time for much longer then before. The zest of burning calories and stoking the body with complex food like protein got to me. Again the immune system decided to call it quits.

After six months I felt like an instant hit, I may have fallen sick twice but I also lost a lot of weight! So what is the downside then?

Any method to losing weight that is not incorporated into our lifestyle is temporary. The thousand ringgit you spend to enroll in the slimming clinic or the gym will end up as fines you have to pay every few years when you realized that you have to fight the fat again. This does not have to be the case as I am learning now.

Is there peace then, in this on-going battle of the bulge?

As accumulating fat takes time, it would be reasonable to expect that shedding it should also take some time. Our society’s enthusiasm for instant gratification is the root to this yo-yo diet lifestyle. We all want to look good instantly, yet it took us years to accumulate the mass that we carry around. All of us expects to get thin in two months, but spent two decades getting fat.

Now lets have a look at our lifestyle. How much do we eat, against how much do we walk? No not working out, not running, just walk? See, losing weight is the net effect of consuming less then the calories we use everyday. When we use more energy then we eat, the body will have to revert to the lard stored in the fat cells and start burning them off. That is it. That is all there is to losing weight.

Finally here’s some tips to pave the way should you choose to lose some weight, none of which is new but while grossly oversimplified, I find that it does the trick. Otherwise, while Fat may be the new Black, but from what I have heard about our hospitals asking money up front before they fix you up, there better be enough dough in the coffers when you drop on the ground clutching your chest gasping for air.

1. Don’t be hungry!

This is the worst. The hungrier you get, the more likely you are to cave and binge. Eat regularly but in smaller amounts. Go ahead and snack. The trick is to replace those yummy bars of chocolate with something a bit healthier. Don’t throw that chocolate out yet, just take a smaller dose of it with something else; and munch away. Try to eat as many as six times a day – in smaller amounts. Also get on the multi-vitamins trail. Once you reduce your food intake, supplementing your diet helps to ensure that the body gets the right amount of nutrition it needs.

2. Walk

Yes, walk. Park your car a bit further then necessary and walk (Zed’s Note: And don’t forget to copy down the number on the pillar, just in case you lose your way finding your car later!), also wake up a bit earlier in the morning and start walking for about 20 mins. Take your time. Don’t try too hard, what is important is that you do it often and consistently.

Remember, we are changing a lifetime of being a slave to food and comfy beds – this ain’t no small matter!

3. Patience

As with anything worth having, it is also worth waiting for. Don’t forget to check the scales as frequently as you can. It can be a lot of fun to see the results of what you are doing.

No, you probably will not look like Angelina Jolie next month, but over time - with that slow and steady reduction, your body will get healthier, and you will feel much better! There is no other good reason to lose weight other then to feel better about oneself. If there is, then I don’t think you should worry about the weight, it’s the head that needs checking.

That’s it. That is all there is to fighting and winning the battle against fat. The only question is can you wait? I ask myself this all the time as I wake up every morning, and curse the damn love-handles.

Humanity i love you

2005-12-02T21:47:00.001+08:00

because you would rather black the boots of
sucess than enquire whose soul dangles from his
watch-chain which would be embarassing for both
parties and because you
unflinchingly applaud all
songs containing the words country home and
mother when sung at the old howard
Humanity i love you because
when you're hard up you pawn your
intelligence to buy a drink and when
you're flush your pride keeps
you from the pawn shop and
because you are continually commitings
nuisances but more
especially in your own house

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
lifer in your pants and forgetting
it's there and sitting down
on it
and because you are
always making poems in the lap
of death Humanity
i hate you

e.e. cummings, La Guerre, II, 1925

Well e.e. cummings needs an introduction. A legendary poet in his own right he is popular from the 1920’s all the way to his death in 1962. The way his poems play with language (you will notice a few misspelled words in the poem above), and their simplistic view of the world gives them a unique character. Love poems and satirical squibs are Cumming’s favored forms. The way he writes, I believe that if Cummings was still alive today he would be one heck of an HTML programmer! By the way reading Cummings sometimes do remind me of another present day blogger with his own unique style.

(Zed’s Note: Yes MIV I mean You! LOL)

I chose this poem today because it could mean so many things to so many people. That is the beauty of poetry, everyone is allowed an interpretation. What a poem means to you is exactly what a poem means. What Cummings had in mind was perhaps a satirical view of war but in my mind it speaks about the selfishness of everyone of us. Always pointing to others not realizing that we ourselves are often guilty of hurting those that loves us without ever realizing it.

You’ll notice by now that I enjoy poems, artsy-pansy stuff and of course rambling on and on about irrelevant thoughts that sometimes cross my mind. Anyway, this time I want it to be all about you. I just want to be closer to you. Yes you, you the one reading these words right now.

Yes I mean you. No, no need to look behind you, there is no one there.

Come. Come take a sit right here next to me. Sit, please go ahead - sit and get comfy.

Are you comfortable? Would you like another cushion? How’s your drink? Is it just the way you like it? Are you relaxed? Okay, that’s good…

...

So tell me, what is it that brings you here today? What thoughts did you feel like sharing with me today? What was it that went through your mind that made you feel like you have to share? Was it scary? Did it make you happy? Or perhaps did it make you sad?

No, no don’t worry there is nothing to be ashamed about. We are all human. We all feel, we all hurt, it is just that sometimes we have to put up a brave front, but don’t worry we all feel the same way. Sometimes it is difficult to share our feelings because we are afraid of what people might say, but hey! They too are feeling the same way, and their childish ignorance shows in their eyes if you know when to look. It’s okay, there is nothing to be afraid of here.

So go ahead, tell me all about it. I am here, and I am not going anywhere until you are done, I promise. It's okay you can take your time - I'll wait for as long as you want me to.

Love's Perjuries

2005-11-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

ON a day, alack the day!
Love, whose month is ever May,
Spied a blossom passing fair
Playing in the wanton air:
Through the velvet leaves the wind,
All unseen, 'gan passage find;
That the lover, sick to death,
Wish'd himself the heaven's breath.
Air, quoth he, thy cheeks may blow;
Air, would I might triumph so!
But, alack, my hand is sworn
Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn:
Vow, alack, for youth unmeet;
Youth so apt to pluck a sweet.
Do not call it sin in me
That I am forsworn for thee:
Thou for whom Jove would swear
Juno but an Ethiope were,
And deny himself for Jove,
Turning mortal for thy love.

Francis T. Palgrave, ed. (1824–1897)

(Zed's Note: Boys and girls we are going deep. Fasten your seatbelts, hang tight and try to keep up!)

Salvador Dali
The Persistence of Memory
1931, Oil on Canvas

We sometimes ask ourselves why we are here. What this charade is all about. The dance people do, the dance we do everyday - sidestepping mines of lies and treachery amongst whom we think of as our friends and family. Every time we think we have an answer... Wham!! The rules change on us. Every time we think we have got it all figured out... Wham!! The questions changed.

I was sharing some calamari with Kiki when we started chatting about this. Kiki is one of my good friend. Her views of life while brutally honest and painfully selfish, brings out the truth in most instances. Perhaps a bit like yours truly, which probably explains why we get along so well. We speak of life and friends like something we watch on the tube. Commenting on the comical and childish tricks people do to make a living, and often to save their own ass. So one day we asked each other how we see life. My views?

Well life is not one measured like the history lessons we learned in school. It doesn't have the timeline well defined complete with the chronological order of events. What happened in 1994, I ask you? Do you even remember the year? The events that took place? How about something more recent? 2003 perhaps? Can you tell me how 2003 was for you?

(Zed's Note: As I am writing this a hot babe just sat at the table next to me! Sorry need to do my smile and hi thing for a while - SIARAN TERGENDALA SEBENTAR)

Okay, I am back...

So as I was saying, often we don’t remember the years as they are but by what happened within it, some event that struck us deep and either made us very happy or may have hurt us. The time we spent in college, the year we graduated, the first job, the first love, someone passing away, a painful job experience, getting laid-off, or winning your first mega-project. All these moments are what life is all about. We often forget the journey we took, but the results of what we have achieved sticks on us for years on end. This is what life is all about.

Building memorable moments.

Life is just a string of moments tied together against an artificial line we call time. We build moments for us, and also for all of those around us. As a child growing up do we remember every single detail like files on a hard disk nicely tucked away for us to retrieve whenever we please? Of course not, we remember trips we took, we remember the fighting that sometimes erupt, we remember the times when mom hugged you tight and told you that everything will be okay. These memories are what we bring with us into adulthood.

So if that is all we remember, then to me that is all there is to life. We either create moments which we could remember by, or we wake up in the morning and repeat exactly what we did yesterday and all of these will just become a cesspool of memories indistinguishable from one another, and then one day we wake up and realize a decade has gone by; and our hair have turned a lighter shade of grey and the belt is on the last notch but all you can remember was a lifetime of nothingness. Drawing an absolute blank.

Some may suggest that creating a moment is about spending money they can't afford. I say that this necessity to tie everything we do to material goods is just superficial crap. It doesn't cost a lot of money to take a drive up to KLIA and watch the plane land, but hey it is definitely a moment to remember. How about taking your family out for a nice dinner after you've just got your bonus or raise? Not to show off, but just to be together. Be happy and laugh the moment off and to remember by. One of them may no longer be around next year, and everyone will remember the time when the family came together and had some fun. You have just created a moment!

(Zed's Note: I read about the KLIA trip on Seeking Solace's site and find it very cool indeed! Definitely a good tip for a date next time. Anyone interested to see planes land with me? LOL)

How about that moment with your platonic girl-friend which evolved into something physical and then both of you agreed that it was just that. A momentary lust that was to remember by, and to remain just a memorable moment. It didn't cost money, just doing things different and making someone else happy for a change.

Kiki looked at me and smiled. She said "Are you trying to get me into bed again Zed?".

(Zed’s Note: ROTFLMAO)

__________________________________________

On another side of things, one of the post in MiNdBloG made it to BlogsMalaysia thanks to Lainie. I have been a reader of her blog for awhile now, and this girl can just write, and write and write! Kudos Lainie! As for BlogsMalaysia, follow the link and drop by the site if you have some time. Also you might want to join. It is a pretty good idea, and I find it a good place to recruit new blogs into what I read from time to time.

__________________________________________

Finally, the Crush Calculator attracted quite a fair bit of entries, and the only comment I wanted to make is this. There was a few entries where both the boy and girl named each other! So if you have a crush on someone, and you keyed in the person’s name, chances are he or she did the same too! Go ahead boys and girls confess already, stop the friendly curtsies - go on a date and knock yourself out!

Cheers.

Zed-HXM4000 System Check

2005-11-28T12:27:00.000+08:00

XO this is the Captain, I am not sure why but Mouth does not seem to be following my orders and there is a loud buzzing noise on the left hemisphere of the brain. It also stinks in here! I want a damage report immediately. Sir, yes Sir! Two-MC, Two-MC attention all personnel, this is the XO on the Bridge. All parts call-in for immediate damage report on my command.

Ears to Bridge, hearing loud and clear Sir!
Eyes to Bridge, visual at 100% Sir!
Hands to Bridge, we are all systems go Sir!
Legs to Bridge, we are up and running Sir!
Heart to Bridge, we are green on the dashboard Sir!
Lungs to Bridge, we are good to go Sir!
Stomach to Bridge, we are all clear Sir!

Bridge to Ass, come in Ass.
Bridge to Ass, come in!

Ass to bridge, we need a minute sir!
Bridge to Ass, what is your stats?
Ass to bridge, we have good news and bad news Sir!
Bridge to Ass, please explain!

Sir, we have a situation Sir! Apparently we didn't realize you were joking yesterday, so we took your order to make "shit for brains" quite literally and we sent some upstairs Sir!

So what the hell is the good news Ass?

Sir, now we don't have to worry about running Mouth anymore Sir. We have it full of crap just like everyone else we meet Sir!

(Zed's Note: For a full read of the Zed-HXM4000 User Manual please click here)

______________________________________________________

On another Minblogling Note:

I noticed in my blog-hopping reads that a lot of people are always asking if they are with the right person in their relationship. I found this Crush Calculator over at Hani's site. I also know that we bloggers have a big penchant for taking these on-line quizzes so go ahead take this test, and you will find the results a big surprise! At least I did. To take the test, click the following link.

CRUSH CALCULATOR - IS HE OR SHE THE ONE?

Cheers, and have a great week ahead blogaholics.

One evening not too long ago...

2005-11-23T11:22:00.001+08:00

Remember my young friend there are three things that will bring you down, and only one that will bring you up.

I looked at my old friend and thought oh crap here we go again. No he is not an old friend as in he has been my friend for a long time, he is old; literally. I have friends of all ages where some are wise, while others perhaps a bit too full of vice. However I have learned not to judge as it really isn’t up to me to be all knowing and one that decides upon others. Anyway I looked at him and said fine I shall give you this one old man, go ahead take the next half hour of my life and lets see if it’s worth it. I lighted my dying cigar and waited.

So he went on.

First Zed, never trust a person that compliments you all the time. There is something they wish from you that you may not want to part with. A man (or even a women perhaps) full of compliments has more to them then just words. Compliments should be far apart and sincere. Watch out my friend as this person will bring you down. You shall forget your weaknesses as you float in the cushion of praises and you will be vulnerable one day. This is when you will never know what hit you.

This kinda makes sense to me so I nodded my agreement and he continued.

Also, only let someone betray you once and only once. The rights to your friendship must be unconditional, but never let that change the fact that betrayal no matter how small or how insignificant - is betrayal nonetheless. This means that once they betrayed you, they must no longer be within your inner circle. Keep them as a friend but don’t trust them. Of course in return you must never betray a friend. Irregardless of how tempting it can be, never betray a friend. The world is far too small and life too short for a man to be living watching his back, and miss out on the joys of looking forward.

On this I had to ask why does one have to be so harsh? Why not a second chance? He looked at me and said. A second chance? A second chance only means that they get to betray you again and this time it might not be insignificant anymore. Loyalty is neither bought nor sold my friend - it is bred.

I am not sure if I could agree but he looked at me as he drew in his Cohiba Singlo and said by the way never trust anyone that says “Trust me”. If they have to say it, then they don’t really mean it. I asked him if that is his third philosophy and he laughed. No that was just a sidebar. So I smiled and said then it’s not three things my brother, it is three and a half! We both laughed a bit and fell silent almost at the same time.

We watched a crowd of beautiful ladies walk in with a noisy chatter as they took the table not far away from us. They gave us a quick look and I felt very un-cool. It’s like hanging out with my dad, but hey they might think that he is a rich Datuk and I am his protégé! I might be able to use this as I thought to myself and smiled. One of the girls must have thought I was smiling at her and she smiled back. Ahh… a prospectful evening it might be after all. My friend and I exchanged knowing glances.

I was still quite curious about his third point so I just kept quiet and waited. And then he asked me. Have you loved a women that you will do anything for her and no man will stand in the way of your feeling? I nodded. What happened he asked? Well she left me.

That is the point my friend. That wasn’t love, it was lust and you were thinking using your pride and your little brother (Zed’s Note: LOL we all know who this is!). A good women is a friend and a partner; not an object of desire. If you let your senses overwhelm you I promise you that you will enjoy the ride but you may not enjoy the ending as much. I looked at him and said well if you have never been on the ride then you will never know now will ya’.

He suddenly realized that age and wisdom has a difference. What he realized from his lifetime of making mistakes sometimes could not be taught and learned, one simply has to go through life and repeat the same mistakes to realize the truth behind it. We chat about the need to make mistakes and besides who wouldn’t want to make the mistake of shagging a hot bodacious babe just because it was lust? I wouldn’t miss it for the world and would jump right back in the saddle to do it all over again in a heartbeat! Here we compromised. You shall see what I mean my friend was all he said. I admit I don't really disagree, but to deprive my loins from the joys of women? Hey come on, there will be time enough to learn from that.

We chatted about irrelevant things which I shall not bore you with here and after a few more drinks and as the crowd begin to get loud I asked him. So what was the one thing that would make me successful?

He was obviously enjoying the attention and was basking in the fact that I asked. As with any old men they love the sound of their own voice and most of the time they relive their youth through you. So I gave him that out of respect, and the fact that he does help me a lot in what I do anyway. Selfish bastard that I am.

He looked at me and said well Zed you must learn to choose.

That’s it? Are you sure? Choose? That is your secret elixir to success? He smiled at my impatience and said do you want to let me explain or would you like to continue babbling away like a housewife whose husband just came home drunk with lipsticks on his collar? Okay, okay I said… so I settled down in my cozy chair and decided to shut up.

He has this to say.

All your life Zed you will be asked to choose. The difference between a man and a child is that a man chooses and lives the life that he chose. He then has to learn from the mistakes of his choice; and grow. A child? He looks at choices and expects others to either choose for him or choose only when he absolutely has to. You either decide for yourself or someone else will decide on your behalf. If you choose for yourself then you have the luxury of learning from your own choice, but if you let someone else choose for you then all you have is the pain of regret for not having chosen what you really wanted. Choosing and learning will teach you a lesson, but regret? All you will get out of regret is remorse and a heart full of hatred simply because you let others rule your life. So making your own choice will be the first step in growing up, else you will always be a child at the mercy of others around you.

Life is a series of choices Zed. Everyday you need to choose. What to wear, to work or perhaps even to play, what food you like, which direction to take in the course of your work, which women is better, they all come is a series of choices that you have to make. Yes, you may make some bad decisions or even some decisions too late, but only when you choose you will know whether you have made the right decision of not. This is the foundation of learning.

Wow… I felt that he was being a bit dramatic but I could see the truth behind what he just said. So I leaned forward and asked him, so my friend what have you chosen today? More out of jest then anything else.

He too leaned forward and said “Zed, I chose to save a friend from a lifetime of regret”.

So. What kind of blogger are you?

2005-11-21T11:00:00.000+08:00

The Nosy Bloodhound
You spend all your time nosing around the blog and poop comments like a dog with a bad case of diarrhea. Very much like the bloodhound, you are eager to please. Almost any blogger would know who you are as your comments appears almost on every blog they drop by. You are too lazy to blog so you make some inconsequential entries and are very happy being superficial. Sometimes something good do strike and your post is left standing longer then an ostrich’s head hidden in the sand. Only when you hit about sixty or seventy comments on your blog then you plug your head out, take a deep breath, and post a new entry. However, as work sometimes get in the way, your comments get shorter with a quick “hello” and “nice entry” posted in blogs that you mark as your territory. However you are a very necessary part of the blog eco-system else most of the blogs out there will be left unvisited and uncommented. Most bloggers welcome you and will notice you missing if you stop blogging for a few days.

The Timid Mouse
You blog but you are very afraid of making any remarks that disclose who you are that your entries becomes more cryptic then the heliography left behind by the ancient Egyptians. Often you ramble about how pissed you are and such entries are abound in your blog. You seek attention yet give none. However when you do wander around the blog you leave caring comments and often provide solutions to problems that didn’t even exist. Your blogs are updated sparingly and is completely up to your whim and fancy. Sometimes when people leave a criticizing comment you get upset, yet you publish your thoughts on the internet right out in the open and expect everyone to agree?

The Rowdy Frog
You write and you comment A LOT! You are a classic case of a blogaholic. You put tabloids to shame with your stories and constant chatter. People look forward to your entries and wish for your comments, often writing and hoping that you will drop by and craft some witty anecdotes. However as the extreme-mania tend to fizzle away so does your enthusiasm and your fire often is short lived by the fact that you can’t sustain new ideas and your blogs get lame and you feel that you no longer are able to provide groundbreaking new entries. You then die a slow excruciating death as you lose the will to blog and one day you will be left in blog-land as just another has been. You fear this day and continue to churn entries wringing every ounce of brain matter left.

The Lost Hippo
You are neither here nor there. Usually you are a blogging new-bee and have not figured out the ropes. You may end up a as a Rowdy Frog or a Nosy Bloodhound but for now you are enjoying the pleasure of just blog hoping once in a while and sometimes when something really interest you, you post a short and quick little note. Your friends are bloggers and you want to fit in. However you are unsure if you have what it takes to post entries after entries and seventy percent of you just give up and will become a casualty of the blog-war. However, once you have figured out the way-of-the-blog it will be very difficult to stop you and you shall be a blogger to reckon with!

Joy, Shipmate, Joy!

2005-11-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

JOY! shipmate—joy!
(Pleas’d to my Soul at death I cry;)
Our life is closed—our life begins;
The long, long anchorage we leave,
The ship is clear at last—she leaps!
She swiftly courses from the shore;
Joy! shipmate—joy!

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass.

BACKHUYSEN, Ludolf
Ships in Distress off a Rocky Coast
1667

Don't we all sometimes feel like we are just a bottle tossed around in a vast ocean. A day ends and we reflect on what we think we have achieved and what we think we have to do tomorrow. Yet closer inspection makes me realize that I am merely a grain of sand pushing through an endless desert looking for solace yet always reaching the beginning of what I thought was the end of a journey. Such is life.

Every step makes me think that I am nearing a destination but only to realize that what I have started is a brand new journey. Humility sinks in and while I shall not equate this awakening to a word as grand as an epiphany, I do realize that unconsciously I have harbored the notion that I am aware of such tribulations. The end of a journey merely is a milestone upon a new sight and a new quest.

We lament that our lives are mundane and blame this existential voyage on our lackluster luck or even fate. Well a voyage need not have to be one of the being but also of the mind. A journey from arrogant to humility is one that not many may ever be able to embark on, or even from timid to courageous perhaps. I protest my boredom but upon realization of my predicament I realized it wasn’t what I was doing that was the problem, but it was what I was thinking.

The mind’s journey is measured not in miles nor in what we see, but by the humble fact of what we realize and what we feel. What was once a challenging debate of right and wrong today turns into a mere discussion on your point of view against mine. No need for escalated voices nor heightened emotions, just a matured conversation. Some ask what happened to you Zed? Why the lost of the fire in the belly? Where is your hunger? Have you turned soft? Such skepticism brought upon by what one needs to see rather then what really is important – the respect for another and the joy of living a journey rather then pursuing a destination.

Some reading this may say, Zed you are just being too cryptic. I beg to differ. Such description of life could not be more clear to me nor to you my mates in this vast sea of words over the internet. We all share one thing in common and always will. We seek self actualization because that was what we were taught to search for, and upon actualizing ourselves we realize the grand hoax of it all. Actualization really is only the awakening to realize that we need only to accept who we are against what we really are. A lonely soul that seeks solace in the lord and felicity amongst fellow mankind.

A 61 year old man may go to jail. At the end of his time here on earth he may spend it in a cell contemplating his pursuits for life and what it meant to him. While another man is dead for what he thought was the right path to righteousness. Yet another 64 year old man seeks new beginnings with his new bride and may his last days be as promising as it seems. These men in the publics eye is a mere drop in the ocean of souls that seeks their daily grind and puts forth hope for a better tomorrow. I wish I could share the feeling of realizing that today is all you have and what you do today inevitably is a single step in the thousands that may or may not come. Live life as it is meant to be looking forward to being the best we can to god, and to our fellow travelers in this mass of dirt hurling through the universe and perhaps we will all realize that this puzzle wasn’t one to solve by but instead just one to live by.

Such is life.

(Zed's Note: Or maybe it is just me growing old! ROTFL)

One afternoon at the United Bloggers Association License Office (UBALO) Petaling Jaya in a meeting with the license officer.

2005-11-15T19:53:00.000+08:00

Thank you Encik Zed for coming in. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble. I am very sorry to have to call you over on such short notice, but it is a rather urgent matter that I hope we could both solve this as soon as possible. Very sorry lah Encik Zed.
o
You makan already Encik Zed?

o
Oh? Really? I agree sir the nasi daun pisang over at Kanna Curry House is the best, I go there a lot myself. Duduklah Encik Zed, sila sila. Would you like some coffee or tea?

o
Ok, just a moment Encik Zed. (goes out to order coffee from secretary)

o
I hope you don’t mind if I go straight to the point Encik Zed, I understand you are a very busy man and things like this just gets in your way. You see the reason we had to meet in person is that it has come to our attention that you have been blogging without a license for a while now and this seems to pose a problem as it is not only an issue of the “right thing to do” (using hand gesture to make brackets in the air) but also lost of revenue for the country. We are also concerned that without the proper controls nanti people post very controversial issues susah Encik Zed.

o
Oh, I can call you Zed? Okay, okay thank you. By the way minumlah Zed. Just kopi O only.

o
Anyway, as I was saying we also don’t really like the idea of being these virtual police as some have called us tapi we all cari makan lah Zed. It is very difficult to implement these new Blogging Censorship Law but the government has passed the law so we are just doing our job lah.

Hmmm… Is it? But according to our records your site is quite popular lah Zed, but in any case it doesn’t matter how popular a site is Zed, if you can say things in public even if one person see pun already enough to start a fire right?

o
No no we are not putting you under arrest heh heh sorry, I think you watch too many movies lah Zed, but there is a small fine. It’s only 100 ringgit and it also makes you eligible to apply for the Blogging Rights License that we issue.

o
Oh if you don’t pay the fine then we have to suspend your site and close it down lah. Anyway we still have to do that because it takes about two weeks to process your forms.

o
Huh? Blogaholic? And you have a doctor’s certification you say? Wow! This is the first time I heard of this. Hmmm… I have to ask my boss lah Zed. I never heard of an exemption before.

o
So anyway as for now it looks like I have to suspend your site lah Zed, unless you know, if you just want to settle it faster and then we maybe can work something out lah.
o
Err… if you want the forms to go through faster maybe I can help lah Zed, but it will cost you a bit more. You know laaa we all here makan gaji, very small so maybe some extra fee would be win win right?

o
Okay, so you just want to go through the whole process is it? No problem Zed no problem but I hope we could just forget the discussion just now lah ya?

o
Sure sure no problem, I will ask my boss if Blogaholic got exemption or not.

o
Maybe you can call me tomorrow? I will tell you what he says lah.

o
Yes yes that is all, again very sorry to drag you here Zed, and I do hope that your site can stay up. I ada baca sikit-sikit and I know people like you that don’t kacau orang suffer because of laws like this, but what to do. We have our law and the world have theirs so sometimes in a virtual world like the internet it does have problems for everyone.

o
Anyway, thank you Zed, and here’s my card and the standard Blogging Rights License Application Forms. You just need to fill it up and send it to one of our counters outside. Also as I said you can call me tomorrow to see what my boss says about the exemption lah.

o
Yes we suspended your site already this morning so you won’t have access to your blog until we issue you the Blogging Rights License. Very sorry Encik Zed, but like I said lah I cari makan only, what to do?

o
Heh heh that is very funny Zed but again sorry the Blogging Rights License don’t have P lah… heh heh P License macam kereta is it? So new bloggers get learners license lah he he he maybe that is a good idea lah Zed.

o
Okay okay thank you Zed for being very cooperative. Usually people get very upset over this things, I always kena marah one hmmm. Anyway like I said so many times this kind of things very difficult for everyone but since the our government decided that enough is enough so here we are having this conversation lah. Well anyway have a nice day Zed and hopefully I have some good news for you tomorrow ya.

Change the damn channel will ya!

2005-11-14T19:49:00.001+08:00

Have you ever been so bored that you are bored of feeling bored?

Well that is pretty much where I am right now. I am tired of feeling bored and yet am too bored to be doing anything but feel bored. Basically a continuous loop of boredom. So here is an entry purely dedicated to boring feelings that one inevitably has and things one does to kill boredom. Was minding my own business in a little corner of KLCC glued to free WIFI surfing the net when it struck me. I told myself Zed there is definitely more to life then this. Really? I ask myself. Sure really. What?

Well I was playing golf with this fella and he was telling me about his flight training to get his flying license. That’s pretty cool. Flying. It cost about RM 25,000 to join a club, and that would get you started with the flying lessons. But then he said it was fun only for about five months and then he realized that he doesn’t really have the time anymore. So it has been almost a year and he still have not secured his license.

Okay.

How about diving? Well I do have a lot of friends who dive. But I can’t swim.

Okay.

Golf? Well I am pretty good at this, at least good enough to hold my own and play a bet off my handicap. But it has been a few years, and sometimes the excitement of getting a birdie is shrugged off by the fact that it is often a fluke that I couldn’t repeat if my life depended on it and to top it all off my putting kinda sucks right now. Shot almost a hundred at Hyatt over the weekend, so am back to the range.

Okay.

Getting fit? How about building an Adonis-like body sculptured with six-pack abs and biceps to go? Well, frankly this is something that I would love to do. However my Fitness First membership is rotting away and all I am doing is paying my fees every month to make me feel better about myself. Someday perhaps. Maybe tomorrow. That is what I tell myself every day, maybe tomorrow.

Okay.

Futsal? Getting old and running around in shorts is unbecoming.

Okay.

Chicks? I am definitely not bored of this, but am taking a break. Too needy and too much work. This time it is about me and me only. I have decided to take a turn for the worst and be a selfish bastard. So am keeping an eye out but inadvertently this will be a good fall-back plan.

Okay.

How about working harder? You gotta be kidding! Next!

Okay.

Friends? Actually I am tired of people. It used to be one of my great interest to get to know people and understand what makes them tick. It still is to some extend but more on a manipulative manner. People are selfish. It’s always about what’s in it for them. Every step consciously or otherwise is always about their selfish needs and wants. I have spent a lifetime fulfilling this and it has reach a point where I have turned it around and use it to my advantage. Sad? Well we all do it to ourselves and far be it from me to go out and change the world. We are all suckers and it is only a question of when our guards will fail us one day and we will have that “Oh my god! What have I done!!” moment. So friends are just people waiting for that moment and I’ll be the one ending up saying “I told you so”. We never learn, and that is what makes the world go round. Like they say, a sucker is born every minute.

Okay.

How about a night out for drinks? I am actually trying to get on the wagon and the last few outings without alco feels stupid. Babysitting a bunch of drunkards isn’t what I would consider a night out. Also feel very much left out. Besides if you are not drinking have you noticed that non-alcoholic drinks are really not very high on many clubs list? It’s not like you can get “teh-tarik” in the middle of La Bodega. So after three bottles of Perrier a man does wonder if its time to call it quits.

Okay.

Anything else?

How about reading? Well I just got myself a copy of Narnia and am into the first few chapters. Will wait for the movie.

Okay.

Blogging? In the short span of my blogging days I have seen some blogs start and some bloggers quit. So I shall pace myself with this and see how long it’ll last. The initial gusto is beginning to wear off and I am beginning to feel that perhaps being The Lord of the Blog may not be a part of my not so distant future.

Some bloggers have been blogging away for the last two years and are still going strong while others have wilted away right in front of my very eyes. Looking at some of the impressive sites out there I have resigned to the fact that I shall not want the attention anyway. If my life is all about waking up in the morning wondering what the heck I am going to write about today I might as well get paid for it.

Okay.

How about being the couch potato that I am so good at? Staring mindlessly at a tube that tells you what to think and when to think? Thanks to the recent holidays I did have an overload of TV-rays and am also taking a break from this mindless activity. In fact thanks also to cheap pirated DVD’s most of the movies have not gone unnoticed and while I could almost hear the voices from the sacrilegious few that dares say that I propagate the sale of pirated stuff I blame it squarely on the pirates. I am merely a victim of kiasu-ness and our infamous “tidak apa” attitude that I have grown so fond of.

Okay.

While I light up my next ciggy and thank all the tobacco companies for their valiant fight against the pits of selling these addictive cancer sticks I ponder. Maybe what I need is a change. This predictable days have become exactly that – predictable. Should I be thankful for all that I have? Of course! But being human and bored maybe it is time I unfold the sails and chart the waters beyond. I know what I know and that is perhaps the problem.

It is time to take that plunge and for once not know what to expect.

Okay.

Bye-bye banal days for I shall leave you to seek the unknown and let my fate be in God’s hands while I swim in his cesspool of beings trying to understand the why’s and the how and hope that one day when I die I can tell myself that I have done all I can and changed all I can and I have left this world slightly better then when I came into it.

Don’t wish me luck for I believe not in it, but wish me Bon Voyage for I intend to enjoy this passage of mind and shall seek not enlightenment but comprehension.

(Zed’s Note: Bloody drama-king!)

Oh blog already!

2005-11-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

Woe is me woe is me
When went into blogs and there is nothing to see
So let it be
So let it be
It is either blogs or pornography
I shall hunt the sea
The ocean and up in the tree
As words escape me

I stand by me
Alone maybe
Perhaps it is Aidifitri
Or you are just a busy bee
But blogs are empty
And I am hungry
Not for food nor chow
As I wonder some rather how

When will the bloggers allow
Some crazy cats on the prowl
And mad people lah how
Even cute little cows
Bitch about their now
And then comment on how’s
Like they know the answers to
A riddle that never came to

So let’s all blow, toot and crow
As we wait for bloggers to grow
Wake up and start to throw
Their rants, babble and show
So I get to see some skin
And make belief I am akin
To matters of next of kin
Lets all wait for some blogs to see

As you come and blog with me

This ode is for you and me
Bloggers that come out at night
Wishing always for a good fright
Rather then having a fight

This ode is for you and me
We that shuts their mouth
While the fingers wield a couth
That hopefully doesn’t go south

This ode is for you and me
And I think its enough already
So get your pencils ready
As I wait eager and steady

Zed Ezekiel M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

So how was Raya?

2005-11-09T11:53:00.000+08:00

Too much food, movies I won't watch, and Siti Nurhaliza. Hey don't get me wrong, I love the girl to bits but when she is on every channel something's gotta give. Anyway I am still alive and Ops Sikap netted 209 deaths this year. I am passionate about this issue because except for a few accidents most of them are senseless and unnecessary. Driving is an everyday event for most of us and when sitting in your car is a game of Russian roulette something is very wrong. We could do better yet we beckon insanity by repeating the same Ops Sikap year after year hoping that we yield different results. When will the authorities get it? It doesn’t work. More is needed; much more education, enforcement, and elimination of errant drivers is required before we can feel safe on our roads again.

Lets spend some time on this issue. I have this to say.

Educate

Or re-educate as the case may be. Not the fundamentals of how to drive like parking the car and understanding traffic signs but the etiquette and defensive driving skills necessary to keep our drivers alive. In U.S. they teach driving in high-school. We should do this. As for us that have been driving for a while a nationwide re-skilling is necessary. To much hassle you say? Wait until that bike beats the traffic light and run straight into you and you hit the back of a petrol truck as you brake and explode in flames. Hassle? Maybe not.

So the next time we renew our license about three months before it expires we are all required to attend a half-day class on defensive driving and pass a written test at the end of it to secure our license renewal slip. If we fail, we re-sit until we pass.

The nationwide re-skilling would at least ensure the EVERYONE is inculcated with the necessary basics of defensive driving – no more excuses. Once the whole nation is recertified we know for certain that the fundamentals of safe driving on the road is a skill we all have and basic driving courtesy is expected and not an exception.

I don’t need studies to prove this but I know that the longer you drive the better you get. It is a skill just like everything else we learn. I also do not need to check the statistics to know for certain that most of the deaths on the road involving cars are usually younger drivers between the age of 19 to 25. Why? The lack of experience. That’s why. We need to ensure that we penalize the younger drivers and ensure we drive the point home when they commit a driving offence. We need to value our ability to hold a license and also be made to understand that driving is a privilege not a right. This brings me to my next point.

Enforce

Way too many underpaid policemen taking bribes. Seriously our cops will settle for twenty bucks. That is an insult! At least make it look worthwhile. And to make it worst the maximum fine for speeding? RM 300. That is what I pay for a round of golf. Get real RM 300 is not going to cause a dent in most of the drivers out there. To some it is even worth it just so they could take their Beamers or Mercs for a spin. Furthermore, what does it take for you to spend the night in jail for a traffic offence? In California anyone caught speeding over 100mph spends the night in jail. No questions asked. And they patrol with helicopters to catch these offenders. The fine? Upwards to a few thousand dollars. The summons pays for the choppers - talk about return on investment!

Lets get real.

We are not enforcing our laws and we are all at fault. Yes all of us. From the cops that takes the bribe all the way to the errant driver that slips that RM 50 note between his license. Ask yourself this question. Do you have a summon? Almost all of us have at least two or three. Are we worried? No? Why? Because we know it is just money. Pay the fine and off we go on our merry way until one day we end up between a lorry and the divider cursing the “other” driver.

Yes, we are never at fault are we?

Eliminate

It is time we get rid of some of the drivers out there. A major traffic infraction today results in an accident tomorrow. I guarantee it. All speeders will hit something and so do drunk drivers. Today it's just statistics in the news - tomorrow it may be your son, husband, or parents.

So for the following traffic offences I recommend a year’s license suspension with renewal of license only upon successfully passing the driving test again.

- Speeding over 150 kph
- Accidents involving death
- Drunk driving

Anyone caught with the following infractions during Ops Sikap should also take a year's break from driving.

- Speeding over designated speed limits
- Usage of emergency lanes
- Reckless driving (caught on camera via helicopter)
- Drunk Driving

Get these people off the streets.

The maximum fine for traffic offences should also be raised to RM 2,500 or a month in jail. The first few months we should publicize the offenders and create a punitive effect for the rest of the nation. Once everyone realize that the authorities are serious they will listen and only then will accidents be really what it is - an accident.

What do you think? I think the relevant Datuk should just get off his butt and do something.

Through the jungle yet seeing no trees

2005-10-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

The lights begin to fade.

It was dusk and I could hear the mosquitoes humming in my ear as I make my way through the thick brush. The notion of the sun setting in the mountains really is just a myth as far as I am concerned at this point. In the dense rain forest it is already quite dark and I lighted my torch lights just in case. There was ten of us and one guide; so eleven souls. Four guys and the rest girls from our hiking and camping club and we intended to make it up and back from Gunung Tahan in ten days. We have another group of fourteen guys that should be done in seven days. They will leave later and should be passing us some time tomorrow. I was hiking ahead of everyone looking for a good place to camp. We should have arrived at the camping ground an hour ago.

The walk have been excruciating and slow. The fitness training we went through before we started this hike probably helped but didn’t have the effect that I expected. I was hoping that the daily jogs we did would at least prepare us for the ordeal, it didn’t. As we tracked the jungle paths laid ahead we have no idea how far or how long we have to go before we arrive to our campsite. The groaning and swearing of everyone could be heard probably miles ahead as we use our final ounce of energy and keep putting one feet ahead of the other. One of the guys, Bob is way overweight and is clearly regretting the decision to join us on the hike. Well he does have a mean spirit and I hope that would be enough.

I could see some clearing ahead. The dense jungle was opening up welcoming us not unlike into a small corner of paradise. A stream making the gushing sound that is music to my ears flows down the slopes back into the dark jungle. I shouted to the rest and could hear cheers of celebration and loud groans of relief.

I needed to start a fire and begin dinner. Cooking is an important part of camping and I find it fun. The basic necessities is all you have and good cooking means no one throws up. I dumped my bags and walked around looking for if there is a fireplace left behind by any previous campers. This is usually the best place to start a fire as some of the wood may still be around and the camping ground is soften in.

Just by the stream I saw a couple of small rocks and an extinguished fire. I touched the stones; it’s cold. The last group must have passed here quite a while back since the next camping grounds are a good day’s hike away they would have to leave very early this morning. There were still some wood left by the fire. I smiled.

With the fire starter which is really a fancy name for the piece of white gunk I lighted the fire back up. I have my gas burner but I would use it only on a wet day. When it didn’t rain its better to use wood. The food would not have that weird taste you get from burning gas. The rest of the gang arrived noisily. Chattering away and with Bob still cursing they headed straight to the stream to wash up, with me just in time to warn them to head downstream. I didn’t need any biological waste in my food tonight thank you.

We were on day three of our hike and I could sense that everyone have lost the initial enthusiasm that kept us going the first day. We just wanted to get this over with. The peak is still a day and a half away. The guide mentioned that the hike tomorrow is more of the same. Climbing hills and hiking along slithering tracks as we slowly ascend the mountain. The cooling jungle smell is refreshing but the long walks punishing. My foot is screaming murder me as I prepared dinner. The rice is bubbling away and I could hear the girls giggling in the distance.

Then she walked over to me. Nita.

Her hair wet and walking barefooted she winced as she stepped on a couple of stones. I looked at her and made a funny face. She smiled and I suddenly felt a rush of warmth all over. I accidentally knocked one of the pots and managed to stop it from toppling over. She laughed and sat next to me. Helping me to steady the pot I caught a hint of her perfume. She glanced over to the rest of the girls as if to ensure that we are alone. Bob was lying down and I wonder if he is still alive. You could hear the heavy breathing, and his red face looks like the back of a boiled crab in a fancy Chinese restaurant. I pointed to Bob with my eyes to Nita, she looked at him and snickered.

I have always wondered why she came on this trip. She is the most KL girlie girl you can find. The closest to a jungle she ever came before was probably driving by Lake Gardens on Jalan Parlimen. You know Madhuri Dixit? She looks like that. She has a smile that will melt any man. She melted mine.

I am amazed how good she smells a hundred miles from civilization after two days into the jungle with no showers. I held her hand gently as I lifted to cover on the pot to see how my rice was doing. Then we heard footsteps. We turned around and saw Mack coming out from between the trees. He has a big smile on him. He showed me a bark and said that the guide picked it out for him. Apparently it’s Sarsi, the cordial drink we make it actually from a tree back. He asked me to boil it and add some sugar to the juice. Cool.

We all sat around the fire with three pots cooking rice and two mess-tins heating up the Instant Rendang we brought along. I told Mack to go wash another mess-tin to boil the bark. I really wanted to be alone with Nita actually and gave her a sly smile.

I have always wondered what is it that she saw in me. She is gorgeous and could have any guy on campus or even off. Yet, we spent most of the time shagging away in hidden parts of the campus. I was young, foolish and horny. The relationship we had was physical. I was in lust. She may not have been my first love but she was definitely my first lust. We had fun - lots and lots of fun.

However, I never really encouraged her to come along these hiking trips knowing how much of a town girl she is. The sight of a rat sends her scrambling back from Damansara all the way to Shah Alam with an immediate bout of food poisoning. I have been on several excursions sans Nita and all I brought back was pictures and tales of our adventures. Maybe that caught her interest.

I can tell that she is going through hell. But not once did she complained. This really bugs me. In KL she will bitch for a good twenty minutes when I am late. She have been behaving really well all throughout the trip that I am like a nervous baby bear trying to break into a bee’s nest for the first time. She might explode at any time, and I need to be ready. I was of course extra nice to her too. We were really one of the more spoken about couple. As we didn’t really hide our affections on campus we do attract quite a bit of attention. In my head all I could think of is being able to look at the guys and shout Suckers!!! I was proud. Proud of my girl and my conquest yet bewildered as to why.

Why was she with me? Insecurity didn’t even begin to spell my feelings.

It was the same insecurity that drove her away. That is what young couples do. Drive each other away. I have sometimes thought of Nita. The what ifs and the what could have been. But as most would say, things happens for the better. If I knew then what I know now well it might have been different.

I did ask her after we broke up why she came with me on the trip. Her answer? It was the biggest sacrifice she knew at that time to prove to me that she really loved me and help me get over my issues. Being naive, I asked again why is it that she loved me. All I got from her was a bewildered look and a shrug. She said you will never understand. Zed you will never get it. I didn’t then.

I do now.

(Zed’s Note: So blogaholics tell me all about it. All about your first love, your first lust even your first time if you want to! No holds barred just spill it like you mean it…)

The Seven that is not a tag

2005-10-26T16:22:00.000+08:00

There I was banging away on my keyboard creating an entry for the blog and with a swift highlight of the mouse; I lost a whole page! I don’t know what happened, it was just a minute ago. I usually create my entries in word and then copy it over to the blog. This time I didn’t and paid the price for it. So lesson learned.

Anyway, what I was writing about earlier is about how we are only seven days away from celebrating Aidilfitri. Seven days away from lazing in front of the tube watching movie reruns and circus shows.

Seven days away from waking up early in the morning getting dressed in our brand new Baju Melayu or Baju Kurung and for the men head out to the mosque and pray – some for the first time this year while others just because everyone else does it. Also in case you haven’t done so we have only seven days left to pay Zakat Fitrah.

We are also seven days away from eating the rendang, ketupat and lemang with the sumptuous kuah kacang right after we come back from the mosque. I can almost taste it now. The spicy rendang with lemang, and being careful so as not to dirty the Baju Raya. The whole table filled to the brim with what I would say makes fasting worthwhile and somewhat necessary. It is supposed to be just a mid-morning snack but often it turns into a binge.

Just after that quick so called snack we gather together, one big family and inevitable some eyes will well up with tears as we salaam and hug each other asking forgiveness. We look into the aging faces of Paktuk and Maktuk wondering how many years more we will be together. (Zed’s Note: We lost Maktuk last year and will be missing her lots this year) We also look into the excited eyes of the children as they salaam not to seek forgiveness but the green packets which is a tradition that grew from being a Malaysian and has little to do with Aidilfitri.

Then we sit down with our favorite relative - an uncle, a brother or a cousin and we chat away about how we all have grown up and how much things have changed. How we used to be poor. How Abah used to have to scrape together whatever he can to make Raya a celebration for his kids, and how today there are seven cars parked in front of the house and some of the family are staying in a hotel because their kids complain that "rumah Opah panas!". After that we go out and check out the new car Paksu just bought and tell him how great the car looks, while some uncle pours expert advice about cars and you can tell it really is just sour grapes.

Seven days away from opening that bottled rows of Kuih Raya lined up on the table which after the first few begins to taste just the same. And seven days away from having to visit relatives which you would rather not but sometimes are thankful, especially seeing how some of them have grown up into really beautiful ladies.

The hugs, the tears, the advice from our parents and grandparents for the lucky few that still have them will be forthcoming in seven days.

In seven days most of us will be celebrating except for about 200 people.

They will die on the road.

In an accident.

You know you have OD'ed on Blogging

2005-10-24T12:22:00.000+08:00

Yes. You Overdosed.

When you start to develop the following symptoms it is safe to say that you have overdosed and now it is time for you to seriously take a break from the bloggerholic addiction you have.

When you start to remember the details of each of the blogs you frequently visit and know exactly the contents of the last entry, since you’ve clicked on it so many times and they haven’t updated their blogs yet! (Zed’s Note: Ehem… hint! hint!)

When your favorites list in Explorer is two pages long with a whole list of bloggers and it takes you at least two hours to go through every one of them, which you religiously do every morning.

When every free-time you have is dedicated to browsing blogs, trying to sound funny or smart when you insert comments and when your boss asks a favor you curse and say that it will take you a week to get anything done because you are so busy! (Zed’s Note: Yeah right, busy blogging?)

When you start checking your stats counter, more often then the Bursa Malaysia’s index and the last time you read the newspaper was three months ago.

When you start using bombastic words that you normally would not use like “hoi polloi” and “trabadour”, and when asked what it means you respond by raising your eyebrows in surprise and say “What? You never heard of it? Where have you been? You don’t blog izzit?? You HAVE to check out this site…”

When you start passing out blog-links to unaware “victims” hoping they too will turn into Bloggerholics like you!

When you start doing what people tell you to do on the blog like taking a drive to One Utama just to have spaghetti at Italiennes when you didn’t have a crave for it in the first place.

When you actually imagine that your next relationship must be with a blogger so you could tell the whole world about how you met on the blog and share all your mushy blog entries with people whom you think cares about your love affair. (Zed’s Note: Much like watching the F1’s we are NOT interested in the race, just the wrecks! So it’s when you are breaking up that your hits would go up as you bitch and rant about how much you hate the idea of getting a date via blogs! Else, we are on wait mode *evil grin while rubbing hands* heh heh heh)

When you start solving your problems during work by asking yourself “Hmmm… I wonder what Zed would do when he’s faced with this problem” (Zed’s Note: Heh heh heh sorry, a bit “perasan mode” here!!!)

When you start taking notes of what people are wearing and what you are eating so that you could update your blog with more useless blab that you hope people would write comments about and survive one more day with one more mind-numbing entry.

When you start ranting about blogging overdose.

When you rant about blogging overdose and still hope people would drop a comment and you hope that you have witty replies for them

When you actually start to think that you are witty!

Okay, okay enough already! I admit I HAVE BLOGGING OVERDOSE!!!

So now, after failing my rehabilitation program miserably, I shall have to contain myself and try to manage my addiction. I have tried TV therapy that failed, Retail therapy is dangerous what with Raya just around the corner, food therapy ain’t gonna work with fasting and all. Also unable to do much outdoor activities due to the fear of getting thirsty and end up not being able to fast - so no walking or jogging in the morning, very minimal golf and “almost” no night outs. Well, it will be a rough few weeks ahead I am sure, but as I look forward to more ranting days ahead; I tell myself so what if I blog too much?

The only harm that could come out of it is that I start talking to myself in the middle of a crowded LRT station as I imagine the last blog I visited… “Phew the babe’s picture was hot! She writes well too…I wonder if she’ll give me her number?”.

Oops, sorry there I go thinking out loud again.

Poignant Dignity

2005-10-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

You taught us humility
    When they at first questioned, you smiled
    When they kept on lying, you smiled
    When they challenged, you smiled

You taught us patience
    As they oppose, you persist
    As they fumbled, you persist
    As they contradict, you persist

You taught us how to follow
    We kept on doing what we knew, but you exemplify
    We thought we knew better, still you exemplify
    We insisted, and yet again you exemplify

You taught us how to grieve
    All of us watched your courage
    All of us wished we have your courage
    All of us knew the price of your courage

And now we question no more
As we look up to you and ask

Pak Lah, what can I do?

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

A breath of fresh air

2005-10-20T17:02:00.000+08:00

Been looking at the same pictures for a while now, and decided to change the layout slightly. Am going for a discreet with subtle sophistication look. Not sure if I achieved this, but the theme is still keeping to a black and white layout. Minimal colors and the emphasis of the site is on the words written within.

I haven’t really nailed down a blog personality yet - which means what kind of blog is M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. Maybe you could help. Tell me what you think? What do you think of this blog? As we surf we see many styles from the really hilarious blogs, then some mushy ones, also not forgetting some ranters and bitchers which are just people venting off (Zed’s Note: My my bloggers are an angry lot aren’t we!).

I have experimented with several themes - writing stories like Brown Eyes with A Twist, The Zed-HXM4000 User Manual and multiple entries with verses of poetry that lined the page. This is really what this blog is all about I believe. It is an experiment. For me and you reading it.

Perhaps one day I may realize my dream of writing a book or even a biography, and this exercise of writing blogs are really baby steps in a somewhat safe zone on the journey towards actually writing for a living. So I am your student, while you teach me the nuances that pleases your senses and styles that turn you off. As stories unfold lets hear what you think about it, not only from a content point of view but also from a constructive writing style perspective. It would be great to hear from some of the really acute writers out there.

I intent to refine the arts and craft of writing by writing.

Al-Fatihah

2005-10-20T12:21:00.000+08:00

Datin Seri Endon Mahmood , 64, the wife of Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, passed away at 7.55am Thursday at Sri Perdana, the Prime Minister's official residence in Putrajaya.

May Allah bless her soul, and may her family be strong during this trying moment.

Men are from Manjoi and Women are from Pulau Tikus

2005-10-20T03:37:00.000+08:00

Don’t waste your money.

It was probably the title that got the book all the attention. (Zed’s Note: The real book please… If you don’t know the actual title, just stop reading) As far as the contents of the book is concerned? A bunch of mumbo jumbo about trying to create a logical view of men and women.

No this entry is not about a book review, it’s about me being awake at 3.30am again and am just banging away at my keyboard with no apparent reason, beyond putting these words together and perhaps making some sense at the end of it.

Men and women are different. This is a fact. However, most of the difference stem not from the sexual disposition of the two genders, but from the selfish need of self preservation and ego. That’s it.

You may disagree. Why? Because you see it as your prerogative. Because you are a women and you believe in the values that you deem is your right. So do us men. Well guess what? The only reason we believe that we have rights is because of our own insecurities and our own need to cling to the notion of love and relationship. Is there a rule in relationships? What keeps two person together? Trust? Marriage? A piece of certificate? Grow up.

Beyond your own selfish reasons that you have to be with your partner, husband, wife (whatever) there are no other logical explanations. You don’t think so? Think about it. You are with her because she looks hot and makes your friends envy and you look cool – ego perhaps? Or maybe you’ve been married so long that you have put on a bit too much of a love handle that now it’s actually the whole bag (rather then just the handle) so going back into circulation may not be the best move. How about him? He pays the bills. You pout and gets the new hand phone that you want. He is willing to part with his cash to continue being there for you – self preservation?

Don’t get me wrong here - yes there is love. But it’s a verb not unlike eat, drink, jump or even sleep. It’s an action that you choose, not an ambiguous random event that you think it is. So you can choose to love - and defend that reason with all the notions of how he treats you, how good looking he is or even how smart and cultured he is. However inevitably you choose to love because he gives you what you need. Unless someone else comes along and is able to give you more, he stays. Atrocious? No; it’s just survival of the fittest.

It ensures the best chance for your own future and your progeny.

So now we get back to the idea that men and women are from some distant planet trying to coexist. What makes it work? To address the need of self preservation and pride two possibility exist.

The first possibility is fulfilling one’s own needs. If he gets what he wants and she gets what she needs equilibrium exists and a relationship is formed. However if he or she thinks that they can do better? Well, need I say more? It starts with a small tiff, then escalates into minor arguments and finally its – let’s just be friends.

Oversimplified you say?

When was the last time you broke up and why? My bet? You will say because he's a jerk but have you wondered why he's behaving that way? Maybe he wants you to think that he is a jerk so he could move on. And how about her? Did she dump you for no apparent reason at all? Are you sure?

Do I have all the answers? Of course not! I just can't sleep and have nothing better to do and Astro keeps repeating the same damn shows. Go figure.

Fire and Ice

2005-10-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

SOME say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost (1874–1963) From Harper’s Magazine, December 1920.

This instant. What emotion is playing their tune in your heart and mind? Anger, frustration, depression, happiness, pride, envy, lonesome, greedy, lazy, hungry, lustful, enthusiastic, impatient, disillusioned or a whole plethora of feelings all mixed together?

Will we do something about it? If we are driving and someone cuts you off, will you roll your window down and shout? Give a finger perhaps? Why? Don’t worry this is natural. A norm for the society we live in, one that exacts retribution based on our pride and prejudices.

As I am somewhat of a semi-pro blogger nowadays often reading blogs, and writing some of my own – I realized something about us bloggers. I noticed that bloggers are a new form of society, one that breaks the chains of the traditional physical barriers to a conversation. This breach allows a group of common ability (Zed’s Note: Ability to express themselves on a blog that is) to come together and bond at an altitude that didn’t exist before. It’s a village emerging in the middle of the web where fabrics of relationship spans amongst strangers. A whole new community that transgresses natural boundaries.

When a blogger goes missing, others wonder; what happened? Irregardless of location really. Interesting.

Connected by comment boxes and catching up with each other almost daily, some as natural as friends that have been together for much longer then the forty days that span from the first note dropped in response to an entry written about a wily cat with poor toilet-manners (Zed’s Note: The cat really is on the prowl! LOL). We seek new entries and look forward to some blogs more then others.

The question I have is how long will this superficial congeniality last. I have seen some nasty remarks before, some in my blog and often in the more popular blogs out there. In real life there is always that asshole or that bitch that goes through life thinking that making you miserable is their god-given duty. Where is this person in the blog community?

(Zed’s Note: Of course we only get this remarks from bloggers who turn themselves into anonymous commenter for fear of retribution)

Do we behave better in a blog for fear that others may drop by our blog and give us hell? Does the fact that words on a webpage last longer and having everyone read all the nasty entries shame you into being a nice pussy?

Now, if we take this lesson on a blog and apply it to our real life, and remember that EVERYTHING we say is recorded permanently and EVERYONE will be able to see it, will that make us a better person? More polite perhaps? Maybe with less mala fide? Perhaps, we will even commit less sin when we realize that all our sins will be displayed on a big blog one day for everyone to see.

(Zed’s Note: Mala Fide that’s Latin for “With or in bad faith, treacherously” a word made popular by a popular politician a while back; now the whole KL really should know what it means!)

If we know that everything we do will be known to everyone much like the transparent surroundings of a blog, will we behave?

Counting the days

2005-10-17T11:05:00.000+08:00

1426 Hijrah, that’s the Islamic Year for this year (2005/2006)

In case you’re curious the following is how the Islamic Calendar and the Gregorian Calendar match up for this year.

Islamic Month (Gregorian Dates)
Muharam (February 10 - March 10, 2005)
Safar (March 11 - April 9, 2005)
Rabiulawal (April 10 - May 8, 2005)
Rabiulakhir (May 9 - June 7, 2005)
Jamadilawal (June 8 - July 6, 2005)
Jamaldilakhir (July 7 - August 5, 2005)
Rejab (August 6 - September 4, 2005)
Syaaban (September 5 - October 3, 2005)
Ramadhan (October 4 - November 2, 2005)
Syawal (November 3 - December 2, 2005)
Zulkaedah (December 3 - December 31, 2005)
Zulhijjah (January 1 - January 30, 2006)

16 days to 3rd of November, 2005 which is expected for 1st Syawal when Aidifitri or Eid Mubarak is celebrated.

So what is the meaning of Eid Mubarak and Aidilfitri?

Eid Mubarak
Pronunciation: eed moo-bar-ak • (phrase)

Definition: A phrase of greetings said among Muslims to congratulate each other on holidays. It literally means, "Blessed Festival!"

Aidilfitri
Eid is an Arabic word derived from ‘aada. Literally it means a recurring event. In Islam it denotes the festivals of ISLAM. The word Eid occurs in the Qur'an once meaning a joyous recurring occasion.

Eid-ul-Fitr is the festival that marks the end of the month of Ramadhan. Fitr means to break and it therefore marks the breaking of the fasting period and of all evil habits.

So let me be the first to wish all Muslims Selamat Hari Raya Aifilfitri or Eid Mubarak to you and your family.

11 of the days until Aidifitri are working days, unless the government decides to announce 2nd November a holiday since its sandwiched between Deepavali and Aidilfitri.
Deepavali is on the 1st of November, which is a Tuesday. So if you take Monday and Wednesday off, you get a whole week break.
Over 200 people will die on the roads again this festive season on their way back to their home-town. Please be careful on the road, be patient and remember SPEED KILLS.
76 days left in 2005 and then it’s a brand new year!
50 days of working days left in 2005 and that’s inclusive of Public Holidays.
12th November is when the school holiday starts, all the way to 2nd January 2006.
Christmas is on a Sunday this year, so enjoy the long weekend.
8 weeks are the number of working weeks left this year if you take the week of Deepavali and the week after Aidilfitri off, and also exclude the week of Christmas. That translates to about 40 working days only.
I have all my slots for breaking fast taken up this week, so another 5 more days left to fill up and I shall be enjoying (Not!) the over-priced hotel buffets for the next two weeks.
4 more days to this Saturday.
Killed 30 minutes writing this up.
About 8 hours before breaking fast today.

So what are you counting on?

The tri-cycle of life

2005-10-14T15:30:00.000+08:00

No I wasn't referring to the one with wheels.

I again made the mistake of thinking, and now am stuck with this thought that I have to get out of my head. It may be depressing. It's about death; and death is depressing. Proceed with care and I hope you gain the insight that may have eluded me. Depending on when death strikes there are three different circumstance. Often we see this in different perspective, but what if we look at what we lose and who mourns the lost? Three different times in one lifetime and we are faced with the same question.

If I die, whose lost will it be?

You are too treasured to lose
At the prime of youth – full of hope and eager to live. Nobody wants to lose you. They love you and provide you with all the tender loving care that you deserves. You are bright and when you run afoul they say you are naughty not evil, and when you cry they dry your tear. Your smile brightens their day and when you walk into the room, you light up everyone’s day. If you die, they will say what a lost! She was so young and beautiful with her entire life ahead of her.

Oh! What a lost! What a tragedy!

I have too much too lose
Precious children, you look into their eyes and realize that you need them more then they need you. You just moved into you dream house and drive around in your favorite car. You excel at work, and while they may not be appreciative of you but you know your stuff and get things done. You know they all need you. Life is great, while it may suck when you don’t get what you want, but you have more then most others out there. You are not begging, you have more food then you need and in the eyes of your child you are the whole world to them.

You don’t want to die. You want to live forever.

They just wish you get lost
As they sit by your bed and say that they pray for you to get well soon. They cry in front of you, and show you that they are really sad. They tell you how brave you are and how so and so recovered from exactly the same malady that effects you. They take a towel and wipe the sweat off your forehead. They hold your hand and cry. Then they leave your room. They tell each other that you have suffered long enough perhaps it is best that you die. Yes die!

They forget their tears and start catching up on the latest gossip in the family. There sometimes even are laughter creeping through and maybe you can hear this from your bed. You lie weak and hope that you can actually give them their wish – and die.

Remember, you will die. We all do.

When?

The ZED-HXM4000 Series 2.0 User's Manual

2005-10-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
ZED-HXM4000: Humanoid Male

Thank you for your purchase of the state of the art ZED-HXM4000 Series 2.0 or ZED for short.

ZED is an advanced model of a long series of homosapien males which have been produced over several versions to-date. The following is a quick summary for the installation and maintenance of the ZED unit. For your continuous pleasure and ease of maintenance, we strongly recommend that you read the manual carefully before usage of the product.

Manufactured by G.O.D (General Opus Division)

System Design Specifications:
- User Friendly
- Self Cleaning (Depending on Mode Selection)
- Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
- Self Portable Operation
- Highly Efficient if properly motivated
- Bi-directional Audio Input/Output
- Prefers Output over Input, and has a 2 megawatt Input suppression capability
- Heat seeking capability for hot CHICKS is pre-installed
- Systems are incapable of high doses of alcohol, nicotine and caffeine
- Low Anger Management Control and may need cooling off period if exploded
- Pleasure senses are highly developed and is capable of going for hours if properly maintained

Production Details:
After basic construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of onside HOME programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since G.O.D uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units. G.O.D quality assurance may reject inferior units. However, users may sometimes salvage rejected units, and this is subject to their own precautions. All rejected units have no warranty coverage and is repaired on best efforts basis only.

Beware of clones or wannabes. These may violate import restrictions.

Installation Procedures:
Upon receiving the ZED unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indicative of the local supplier production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.

Bring the ZED unit to operation in an environment temperature at 27º C (± 3 º tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present.

ZED is a highly complex system which has the ability to relate and interact with its environment and is both an active and passive learner. It is equipped with a neuron net which is able to produce loud noises when excited and will sometimes shut-down due to increased heat, too much interference from a competing model or a due to presence of a WOMEN unit.

The Operating System of ZED have been optimized to operate within the domain of a WOMEN, however it requires periodical ALONE time to operate efficiently. It shall make bored faces and looks of incredulity if expected to do any HOUSE chores and will retaliate if pushed too far. Several ZED units have been terminated due to this error.

Applications:
At present, there are few productivity software applications for the current ZED model. Future enhancements can be expected as the unit is stabilized.

WISEASS is a killer app. This is pre-installed.

Many owners use their ZED unit for completing complex tasks or to kill boredom. ZED units play best when they are fed. Due to various models of WOMEN available the ZED capabilities have been tuned to meet most requirements. Some ZED capabilities are:

WORK
The ZED unit has this ability incorporated into its design and will hunt for WORK when necessary to ensure continued interest by WOMEN

SEX
The standard parameter for the ZED unit is to want to have SEX with all WOMEN that it finds attractive based on its default factory settings. Training and control is required to ensure that the ZED unit is not jumping on all chicks.

SLEEP
Usually after SEX (often almost immediately!)

TALK
Place the unit in front of an audience and it shall automatically TALK. To shut it up, introduce a very good looking WOMEN and it usually will run out of things to say.

EAT
The ZED unit have been programmed for most foods, however will have problems digesting vegetables and drinking milk.

Maintenance:
ZED will self-recharge. This takes 6 to 8 hours in a 24 hour cycle. However insomnia attacks is a common occurence and is fixed with either SEX or TV.

The ZED units are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.

Do not attempt to open a ZED unit. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a DOC.

Warning Notices:
ZED systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, it may befriend just about any good looking chicks especially if under the influence of alcohol. Be prepared to drag the ZED unit to HOME and allow it to reboot. Attempts to lecture the unit will only result in over-heating, the best approach is to leave several sarcastic remarks and allow it to recharge.

ZED units are very hot under the hood and requires frequent shutdown to allow for cooling off periods. Ignore the ZED unit during this period.

If the ZED unit looks depressed do not attempt to CHEER the unit, usually this will only end up in childish laughter with no real effect. Ask the ZED unit what is wrong, and carefully analyze if special care is required. Failing which revert to SEX mode and this would often solve all the bugs.

Do not forget to feed your ZED unit. Major errors may occur due to a hungry ZED unit attempting to operate within its normal parameters. Some say that the way to a ZED heart (if applicable) is through its stomach. So keep your ZED unit well fed.

Lifetime Warranty:
The ZED unit is guaranteed against catastrophic failure. However as users have the ability to infect ZED, nocturnal errors voids the standard warranty.

Documented Problems:
The Ctrl key on most ZED units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.

Do not install a CHICK unit at a site which has an operational ZED unit working. The ZED unit may be distracted and all productivity will drop.

The ZED unit has a wandering EYE problem. It is best to just ignore it, there is no patch for this problem yet.

The ZED unit has the ability to prowl at night so unless SEX is introduced, the unit will turn on its AUTO-HUNT feature and users will have very little control over the unit.

There have been cases of ZED units which has run afoul and executed a BYTE on the neck of its users, please select this feature carefully. It may leave lasting marks.

Contacting ZED Technical Support
Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap submit your Requests for enhancement (RFE), etc. Remember: it's not a bug, it's a user change request. In fact just don't bother sending in your complaints: just like your ZED unit, our technicians won't pay attention either.

We hope that your purchase of the ZED unit is satisfactory and be prepared for the future release of the ZED-HXM5000 which will incorporate complete understanding of WOMEN as a standard feature.

A slow drag along sluggish days

2005-10-11T12:11:00.000+08:00

Well this isn’t new. It’s an annual affair. Fasting month in its glorious wonders do tend to slow people down a bit during the days. I am used to the idea of hanging around Coffee Bean, Starbucks and even the many Nasi Kandar joints in town when I meet people.

I obstinately hate offices.

The sound it makes, the invincible barriers between the cubicles and offices, the nitpicking people have – these are pretty good reasons to hate the office environment I believe. So that is why, I often conduct my meetings over “teh tarik” and coffee all over town. It works for me. I bring my client or whomever that I want to meet into an environment where they can relax, away from the prying eyes of their colleagues and everyone is more relaxed, so I get more things done – and usually a lot more information too.

The only time the office is useful is when you need to have big (often useless, but important looking) meetings to pretend that everyone is going to work together or when you listen to boring vendors trying to impress you with something that really doesn’t meet your need, more expensive then it should be, and is impossible to implement.

So now, during these weeks I am somewhat desk-bound. Watching the whole lot of people working very hard at pretending to work, and flipping screens every time someone walks by. As I always believe, it’s a hypocritical life we lead, and sometimes we just need to move to a place where it’s a bit more translucent.

The blog kinda helps, but it's not enough yet.

Can you imagine if your brain is wired to your laptop, and you can transfer ALL your thoughts into your blog without typing anything? And what would be more fun is if you don’t have any control over the flow of thoughts, so whatever is in your mind will just pour into the pages of your blogs! Imagine all those hidden dark secrets reeling in our minds being emptied into these pages.

Now that’s what I would call nasty! And FUN!

Yummy...

(Zed’s Note: I am really getting the hang of this ranting thingy.)

The falter of wisdom remains heaven for fools

2005-10-10T09:14:00.000+08:00

"Happiness ain’t a thing in itself—it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant.... And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain’t happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh."

Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835–1910)

A brand new week and a brand new start. Much have transpired over the last few weeks that have resulted in a rather morose entry throughout. However, as with any beginnings – it ends. So here I am, a brand new soul perhaps wiser in thought and eager to move on.

I did Babe’s tag. I realized that I have not read a lot of pretty good books. Now thanks to her, I have a very long shopping list, and will be spending countless hours in Kinokuniya hunting some of the books down. I have just finished reading most of the books I have in hand. Here are some recently digested titles;

Losing My Virginity, Richard Branson

Read this! Seriously folks, even if being a billionaire isn’t one of your lifetime’s agenda just read it. So much to be learned about taking risks and living life the hard way. This is why biography’s are written. It reflects on the lesson one learns over a lifetime, which can be reflected on over a weekend of reading. And this is also when I realized, a blog is much like a biography. We write what we think the world should read about, and keep the rest within.

Mind Map, Tony Buzan

Okay, admittedly I am behind the curve on this. Very 90’s but hey a good idea is a good idea.

www.mind-map.com

The Mind Gym, Time Warner Books

A good exercise! Much like our body, the brain needs its exercise too, at least this is what the folks at The Mind Gym believes. Does it work? I shall tell you when I feel fitter. Gym? Naah…

www.themindgym.com

Now, be prepared.

A very long list that I am sure have been growing as this tag is sent around a few times. I have decided to add three biographies at the end of it as I didn’t notice any through the list.

Cheers!

The rules are as follows:

- Bold the ones that you've read
- Italicise the ones you started but did not finish
- Add three books (that you have read) to the list

Note: Books that you have read do not include blurbs on the inside/back covers or reviews and / or movie adaptations of the books.

001. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
002. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
003. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
004. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
005. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
006. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
007. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
008. 1984, George Orwell
009. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
010. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
011. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
012. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
013. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
014. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
015. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
016. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
017. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
018. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
019. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
020. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
021. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
022. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
023. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
024. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
025. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
026. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
027. Middlemarch, George Eliot
028. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
029. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
030. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
031. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
032. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
033. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
034. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
035. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
036. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
037. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
038. Persuasion, Jane Austen
039. Dune, Frank Herbert
040. Emma, Jane Austen
041. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
042. Watership Down, Richard Adams
043. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
044. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
045. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
046. Animal Farm, George Orwell
047. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
048. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
049. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
050. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
051. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
052. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
053. The Stand, Stephen King
054. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
055. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
056. The BFG, Roald Dahl
057. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
058. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
059. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
060. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
061. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
062. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
063. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
064. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
065. Mort, Terry Pratchett
066. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
067. The Magus, John Fowles
068. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
069. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
070. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
071. Perfume, Patrick Susskind
072. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressel
l073. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
074. Matilda, Roald Dahl
075. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
076. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
077. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
078. Ulysses, James Joyce
079. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
080. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
081. The Twits, Roald Dahl
082. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
083. Holes, Louis Sachar
084. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
085. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
086. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
087. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
088. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbns
089. Magician, Raymond E Feist
090. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
091. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
092. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
093. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
094. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
095. Katherine, Anya Seton
096. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
097. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
098. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
099. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
102. Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
106. The Pickwick Papers, Charles Dickens
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
108. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy
112. The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole Aged 13 1/2, Sue Townsend
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
118. The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
119. Shogun, James Clavell
120. The Day Of The Triffids, John Wyndham
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House Of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
125. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
129. Possession, A. S. Byatt
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
131. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
133. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck
134. George's Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
135. Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
143. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
144. It, Stephen King
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick O'Brian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
157. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Ken Kesey
158. Heart Of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
164. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
165. The World According To Garp, John Irving
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Roald Dahl
178. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
179. Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
182. Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Gross-mith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
189. Heidi, Johanna Spyri
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. Lawrence
191. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
194. The War Of The Worlds, H. G. Wells
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
198. The Once And Future King, T. H. White
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
200. Flowers In The Attic, Virginia Andrews
201. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
202. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan
203. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan
204. The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan
205. Fires of Heaven, Robert Jordan
206. Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
207. Winter's Heart, Robert Jordan
208. A Crown of Swords, Robert Jordan
209. Crossroads of Twilight, Robert Jordan
210. A Path of Daggers, Robert Jordan
211. As Nature Made Him, John Colapinto
212. Microserfs, Douglas Coupland
213. The Married Man, Edmund White
214. Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
215. The History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault
216. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice
217. Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, John Boswell
218. Equus, Peter Shaffer
219. The Man Who Ate Everything, Jeffrey Steingarten
220. Letters To A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
221. Ella Minnow Pea, Mark Dunn
222. The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice
223. Anthem, Ayn Rand
224. The Bridge To Terabithia, Katherine Paterson
225. Tartuffe, Moliere
226. The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
227. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
228. The Trial, Franz Kafka
229. Oedipus Rex, Sophocles
230. Oedipus at Colonus, Sophocles
231. Death Be Not Proud, John Gunther
232. A Doll's House, Henrik Ibsen
233. Hedda Gabler, Henrik Ibsen
234. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
235. A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry
236. ALIVE!, Piers Paul Read
237. Grapefruit, Yoko Ono
238. Trickster Makes This World, Lewis Hyde
240. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
241. Chronicles of Thomas Convenant, Unbeliever, Stephen Donaldson
242. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
242. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
243. Summerland, Michael Chabon
244. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
245. Candide, Voltaire
246. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl
247. Ringworld, Larry Niven
248. The King Must Die, Mary Renault
249. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
250. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L'Engle
251. The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde
252. The House Of The Seven Gables, Nathaniel Hawthorne
253. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
254. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
255. The Great Gilly Hopkins, Katherine Paterson
256. Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
257. Xanth: The Quest for Magic, Piers Anthony
258. The Lost Princess of Oz, L. Frank Baum
259. Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon
260. Lost In A Good Book, Jasper Fforde
261. Well Of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde
261. Life Of Pi, Yann Martel
263. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
264. A Yellow Rraft In Blue Water, Michael Dorris
265. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder
267. Where The Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls
268. Griffin & Sabine, Nick Bantock
269. Witch of Black Bird Pond, Joyce Friedland
270. Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH, Robert C. O'Brien
271. Tuck Everlasting, Natalie Babbitt
272. The Cay, Theodore Taylor
273. From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E.L. Konigsburg
274. The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Jester
275. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
276. The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan
277. The Bone Setter's Daughter, Amy Tan
278. Relic, Duglas Preston & Lincolon Child
279. Wicked, Gregory Maguire
280. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
281. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry
282. The Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum
283. Haunted, Judith St. George
284. Singularity, William Sleator
285. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
286. Different Seasons, Stephen King
287. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
288. About a Boy, Nick Hornby
289. The Bookman's Wake, John Dunning
290. The Church of Dead Girls, Stephen Dobyns
291. Illusions, Richard Bach
292. Magic's Pawn, Mercedes Lackey
293. Magic's Promise, Mercedes Lackey
294. Magic's Price, Mercedes Lackey
295. The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Gary Zukav
296. Spirits of Flux and Anchor, Jack L. Chalker
297. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
298. The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, Brenda Love
299. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
300. The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison
301. The Cider House Rules, John Irving
302. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
303. Girlfriend in a Coma, Douglas Coupland
304. The Lion's Game, Nelson Demille
305. The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars, Stephen Brust
306. Cyteen, C. J. Cherryh
307. Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco
308. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
309. Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
310. Camber of Culdi, Kathryn Kurtz
311. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
312. War and Rememberance, Herman Wouk
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
314. The Giver, Lois Lowry
315. The Telling, Ursula Le Guin
316. Xenogenesis (or Lilith's Brood), Octavia Butler (Dawn, Adulthood Rites, Imago)
317. A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold
318. The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
319. The Aeneid, Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)
320. Hanta Yo, Ruth Beebe Hill
321. The Princess Bride, S. Morganstern (or William Goldman)
322. Beowulf, Anonymous
323. The Sparrow, Maria Doria Russell
324. Deerskin, Robin McKinley
325. Dragonsong, Anne McCaffrey
326. Passage, Connie Willis
327. Otherland, Tad Williams
328. Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay
329. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry
330. Beloved, Toni Morrison
331. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, Christopher Moore
332. The mysterious disappearance of Leon, I mean Noel, Ellen Raskin
333. Summer Sisters, Judy Blume
334. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Victor Hugo
335. The Island on Bird Street, Uri Orlev
336. Midnight in the Dollhouse, Marjorie Filley Stover
337. The Miracle Worker, William Gibson
338. The Genesis Code, John Case
339. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevensen
340. Paradise Lost, John Milton
341. Phantom, Susan Kay
342. The Mummy or Ramses the Damned, Anne Rice
343. Anno Dracula, Kim Newman
344: The Dresden Files: Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
345: Tokyo Suckerpunch, Issac Adamson
346: The Winter of Magic's Return, Pamela Service
347: The Oddkins, Dean R. Koontz
348. My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok
349. The Last Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
350. At Swim, Two Boys, Jaime O'Neill
351. Othello, by William Shakespeare
352. The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas
353. The Collected Poems of William Butler Yeats
354. Sati, Christopher Pike
355. The Divine Comedy, Dante
356. The Apology, Plato
357. The Small Rain, Madeline L'Engle
358. The Man Who Tasted Shapes, Richard E Cytowick
359. 5 Novels, Daniel Pinkwater
360. The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Juliet Marillier
361. Girl with a Pearl Earring, Tracy Chevalier
362. To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
363. Our Town, Thorton Wilder
364. Green Grass Running Water, Thomas King
335. The Interpreter, Suzanne Glass
336. The Moor's Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
337. The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson
338. A Passage to India, E.M. Forster
339. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
340. The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
341. Pages for You, Sylvia Brownrigg
342. The Changeover, Margaret Mahy
343. Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones
344. Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
345. Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo
346. Shosha, Isaac Bashevis Singer
347. Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck
348. The Diving-bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
349. The Lunatic at Large by J. Storer Clouston
350. Time for bed by David Baddiel
351. Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold
352. Quite Ugly One Morning by Christopher Brookmyre
353. The Bloody Sun by Marion Zimmer Bradley
354. Sewer, Gas, and Eletric by Matt Ruff
355. Jhereg by Steven Brust
356. So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
357. Perdido Street Station, China Mieville
358. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Bronte
359. Road-side Dog, Czeslaw Milosz
360. The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
361. Neuromancer, William Gibson
362. The Epistemology of the Closet, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
363. A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr
364. The Mask of Apollo, Mary Renault
365. The Gunslinger, Stephen King
366. Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
367. Childhood's End, Arthur C. Clarke
368. A Season of Mists, Neil Gaiman
369. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
370. The God Boy, Ian Cross
371. The Beekeeper's Apprentice, Laurie R. King
372. Finn Family Moomintroll, Tove Jansson
373. Stormbringer, Michael Moorcock
374. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, Philip K. Dick
375. Assassin's Apprentice, Robin Hobb
376. number9dream, David Mitchell
377. A Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin
378. Five Quarters of the Orange, Joanne Harris
379. Darkness at Noon, Arthur Koestler
380. Einstein's Dreams, Alan Lightman
381. Dance On My Grave, Aidan Chambers
382. Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Leguin
383. Hyperion, Dan Simmons
384. Martian Chronicles, Ray Bradbury
385. Checkmate, Dorothy Dunnett
386. To Say Nothing of the Dog, Connie Willis
387. A Clash of Kings, George RR Martin
388. The Egyptian, Mika Waltari
389. Moab Is My Washpot, Stephen Fry
390. Contact, Carl Sagan
391. Mythago Wood, Robert Holdstock
392. Feersum Endjinn, Iain M. Banks
393. The Golden, Lucius Shepard
394. Decamerone, Boccaccio
395. Birdy, William Wharton
396. The Red Tent, Anita Diaman
397. The Foundation, Isaac Asimov
398. Il Principe, Machiavelli
399. Post Office, Charles Bukowski
400. Macht und Rebel, Abu Rasul
401. Grass, Sheri S. Tepper
402. The Long Walk, Richard Bachman
403. Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman
404. The Joy Of Work, Scott Adams
405. Romeo, Elise Title
406. The Ninth Gate, Arturo Perez-Reverte
407. Memnoch the Devil, Anne Rice
408. Dead Famous, Ben Elton
409. Scarlett, Alexandra Ripley
410. Dead Souls, Nikolai Gogol
411. Look to Windward, Iain M. Banks
412. The Colossus of Maroussi, Henry Miller
413. Branded, Alissa Quart
414. The Idiot, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
415. Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac
416. White teeth, Zadie Smith
417. Under the bell jar, Sylvia Plath
418. The little prince of Belleville, Calixthe Beyala
419. Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert
420. A King Lear of the Steppes, Ivan Turgenev
421. The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
422. Memoirs of a Revolutionist, Peter Kropotkin
423. Hija de la Fortuna, Isabel Allende
424. Retrato en Sepia, Isabel Allende
425. Villette, Charlotte Brontë
426. Steppenwolf, Herman Hesse
427. Ubik, Philip K. Dick
428. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
429. Solaris, Stanislaw Lem
430. The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway
431. Nausea, Jean Paul Sartre
432. The Island of the Day Before, Umberto Eco
433. The Elementary Particles, Michel Houellebecq
434. The Angel Of The West Window, Gustav Meyrink
435. A Farewell To Arms, Ernest Hemingway
436. Naked Lunch, William S. Burroughs
437. Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut
438. In the Eyes of Mr. Fury, Philip Ridley
439. Consider Phlebas, Iain M. Banks
440. Into the Forest, Jean Hegland
441. Middlesex -Jeffrey Eugenides
442. The Giving Tree -Shel Silverstein
443. Go Ask Alice -Anonymous
444. Waiting For Godot, Samuel Becket
445. Blankets, Craig Thompson
446. The Girls' Guide To Hunting And Fishing, Melissa Banks
447. Voice of the Fire, Alan Moore
448. The Geography of Nowhere, James Howard Kunstler
449. Coraline, Neil Gaiman
450. The Circus of Dr. Lao, Charles G. Finney
451. Jitterbug Perfume, Tom Robbins
452. John Lennon: The Lost Weekend, by May Pang and Henry Edwards
453. A Long Fatal Love Chase, Lousia May Alcott
454. Pygmalion, Bernard Shaw
455. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Trumate Capote
456. Skinny Legs And All, Tom Robbins
457. Written On The Body, Jeanette Winterson
458. An Equal Music, Vikram Seth
459. The Book of Three, Lloyd Alexander
460. Glory Season, David Brin
461. The Steel Bonnets, George McDonald Fraser
462. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha, Roddy Doyle
463. My Dateless Diary: An American Journey, RK Narayan
464. Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
465. Straight from the gut, Jack Welch
466. Losing my virginity, Richard Branson
467. Elephants can dance, Lou Gertsner

Have anyone seen her puppy?

2005-10-07T09:41:00.000+08:00

(Zed's Note: I know, I know. Fat jokes are so 80's but I got this in my email, and had a pretty good laugh, and I bet you didn't expect this over here! Have a good weekend folks, and remember it's Ramadhan - don't be notty!)

Through the depth of conscious the phoenix rises

2005-10-06T11:02:00.000+08:00

When do we learn?

I ask myself this often. Is it through all my successes? No. In success the lesson lays deep and often forgotten. We celebrate our achievements and forget the pains we go through to end our journey. Are we all superficial? I ask myself. Are we ignorant and doomed to repeat the same mistake over and over. When will it stop? Then I realize.

No. It is pain that halts stupidity. Once we touch a hot kettle, it will not happen again. Once we failed in our quest, whatever it was that resulted in the failure, becomes a lesson engraved in our mind forever. So this leads me to a simple conclusion then. For us to be successful, we need to keep making more mistakes. Simple!

So as this blog witnesses the life and times of Zed, as he would like to remember it, it shall be here then that he logs his mistakes and may others learn from its modest disposition. Today? Trust no one. Yes that would be the lesson for today, as Zed rises from the ashes of camaraderie and learns that the world is not lonely after death, but it begins now. Fair weather friends abound - none in sight when tribulations disembarks.

Now to more current events.

Traffic has been horrendous in KL the last two days, so to all of the bloggers currently out of this city, just be thankful that you are not stuck here. As far as the promise of the food from the “Pasar Ramadhan” call me lazy but have you noticed the crowd? The rude, incessant and in some areas obnoxious crowd pushing each other to purchase the best “this” and the best “that”? Is this what fasting is all about?

Food?

October

2005-10-03T11:11:00.000+08:00

O HUSHED October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
To-morrow’s wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
To-morrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow,
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know;
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away;
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes’ sake, if they were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost—
For the grapes’ sake along the wall.

Robert Frost (1874–1963). A Boy’s Will. 1915.

We leave September, and welcome a new month. And we welcome Ramadhan in its folds.

Life works in manners we can’t be certain but oftentimes we are left to hope. Frost belabors the coming of winter and the cold it brings. However, deep within his verse one seeks to understand if grapes were really his apprehension – or was he really talking about life? When one season ends and another begins, along with it comes the uncertainty of a new weather. Promises left unfulfilled as new dimensions are presented will remain unconvincingly a mere promise.

I look forward to these turbulent times, as I know, should I live to remember it - I will remember the lessons I learned and the pains I overcame. Worry not about the trepidations of life, as that is what adds color to our mundane existence.

May the seasons bring the joy and the sadness of existence and may we have the wisdom to seek the lesson it brings within and may we spend the comprehension we gained on making our lives one that conveys meaning to ourselves and those that depend on us.

And may all fast not in hunger but in humility and as I bid you well, I bid myself valediction to serenity.

Thanks Inn for the pix, it does say a thousand words!

Et tu?

2005-09-30T08:40:00.000+08:00

I smiled
I am crying but I smile
I am disillusioned but I smile
I am seething with anger but I smile
I am shattered but I smile
I am poignant but I smile
I am aware of my doom yet I keep my smile
The time has come not to face anger with might
But to serve my revenge deep in winter’s night
When darkness envelopes the laughter of betrayal
And the warmth of passion no longer felt
Specter of loyalty traded with horror
Trepidation prevails
As the angst of treachery haunts the soul
You are my quest
For a lifetime is mere lingering grind
Seek the wrath of my rile
Or
Scurry
I shall be at your door when spring beckons
Only me
Me

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

“Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed”

2005-09-29T02:09:00.000+08:00

WEARY with toil, I haste me to my bed
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body’s work’s expir’d:
For then my thoughts—from far where I abide—
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:
Save that my soul’s imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee, and for myself no quiet find.

William Shakespeare (1564–1616). The Oxford Shakespeare: Poems.

Can’t sleep. Not new. Been that way since time in memorial. Just a night person. Well and good. So be it. Anyway, here I am contemplating the day during the night, and wishing night when it is day. Sleep I can’t, yet awake I am tormented. Well?

This is a good time to stop reading if you are actually looking for some deep insights that might be making any sense. Fair warning has been given. Heed or proceed please only at your own risk.

I had an interesting conversation today.

It was about relationships. How it begins and inevitably how it often ends. Everyone is searching, and while it may make sense to look for the qualities one thinks makes a man or a women, it is also the same qualities that ends a relationship. Man seeks for a women that is caring? He then gets overwhelmed with exactly the same “care” that turned into a ball and chain and ends up having to make an excuse for an exit. She looks for a cool guy and one that is good looking. She ends up hating every moment that he is out on his own, because she knows that he is crowded with so many “other” women exactly because he is cool and good looking! She ends up suffocating the relationship – ending it nonetheless.

Why? Why do we seek for qualities when what we really need is company, conversation and congeniality in a person. Is there more? Sure there is more to a relationship, but it all boils down to two questions.

Two questions? Only? Yes!

The first?

Where are we now, and can we stay in this phase? I just met you. It has only been a few month. I like you, and we agree that we have “chemistry”, but can we not go to the next level yet? But can we still get in bed now? No? Why? Oh really? Okay. Well… we all know where this relationship ended.

Or perhaps it’s a yes! Okay lets get into bed, then the question arises again. Can we move to the next level? No? Why? Well if you went into bed with me that easily, I am not sure I wanna hang around. So really how many guys have you been to bed with? Huh? So many? Wow? It was really nice being with you, but can we just be friends? Hah!

The second?

Where are we heading? We "love" each other and we seem to get along well. Our friends agree and so does our family. It has been two years and I need to know if we are heading into something more serious? Really? Why? Don’t you love me? Marry me! Marry me! The words screams in her head, and he never understands why. Why my dumb bloke of a friend? Why you ask? Because it has been two years you nitwit zigouwit.

(Zed's Note: Yes, I made the word up. You can stop checking the dictionary already! Sheesh...)

The moral of this story?

Absolutely none. I am surprised you made it all the way here!

Now I am trying to get back to sleep. Shhh… be quiet.

The Lockless Door

2005-09-27T17:41:00.000+08:00

IT went many years,
But at last came a knock,
And I thought of the door
With no lock to lock.

I blew out the light,
I tip-toed the floor,
And raised both hands
In prayer to the door.

But the knock came again
My window was wide;
I climbed on the sill
And descended outside.

Back over the sill
I bade a “Come in”
To whoever the knock
At the door may have been.

So at a knock
I emptied my cage
To hide in the world
And alter with age.

Robert Frost (1874–1963) From A Miscellany of American Poetry New York, 1920

I feel warm and fuzzy inside. And as I wonder why, I realized. I realized where this warmth is emanating from.

From you! Yes. You!

Thank you for the well wishes, and especially the thoughts. For a moment, perhaps even for a fraction of a second I occupied your thought, and you wished a complete stranger well. For that I thank you. Although I wish that there is more I can give besides a mere thank you, and the time will come someday. My life's wish is for the time when I can stop asking and then one can start giving.

One reason why I like poetry (Zed’s Note: besides trying to sound cool and intelligent... LOL!!) is the fact that every time you read it, it brings new meaning, and everyone has their own interpretation of the same verse. Like this one from Robert Frost, which talks about how he sees the burden of life and his acceptance of it. It all is metaphorical to a door, yet deep within it unlocks the wish of every being.

To not be afraid.

In retrospect bloggers really are poets in their own way, as words fill a page often with the woes of life, and passage of emotions yet always there is that sense of relief that a burden has been transferred from the heart and mind to a page on a website (much like the poets of old, except that they were stuck with pen and paper!)

Well as this old lion gracefully moves on with his life, let him be and let him see – for the words of yore was true before and shall endure as we are mortals and fear drives us forward just as much as it drives us back.

Zed’s Mindless Fact #1:
Did you know that if every human was accounted for since we started documenting history it is estimated that there would be 90 Billion people born into this world – each unique and individual! And there is about 6 Billion people on earth right now.

The Myth?

2005-09-26T11:12:00.000+08:00

A bit of romance, a bit of strained loyalty, and lots of fighting action – a formula that have not waned in style nor fame. No, I am not giving up my day job to be a film critique.

However what did I do on my birthday? I watched a Jackie Chan movie. Why? Because I have always wanted to go watch a movie on a working week day at KLCC. So, I took my Friday off and nonchalantly stood in queue and smiled at every passing fellow that I knew. Yup, in my own little way it was retribution to the rat race. That was what I wanted for my birthday and that was exactly what I got.

Then I sipped coffee over at Chinoz just watching time pass by (and not to mention a few chicks really worth watching) in my bermuda’s and tee.

I did have a good laugh though as friends and associates was wondering what I was up to and everyone kinda stopped by asking if everything was all right. It bugs me that most asked really not out of concern but out of curiosity! Did I lose my job? Did something bad happened? It does worry me that we too often take sympathy in others just to make ourselves feel better!

Doing nothing for a day was fun and this may be what I want from life. But can one actually do nothing for a living? Just have nothingness as a goal and as a job? Remember, be careful what you wish for because you might just get it!

In most of my entries I may have been diving off the deep end a bit too much so I have decided to lighten the atmosphere here somewhat. Here’s a story I find quite funny! In case you're wondering it's about the tradition of toasting "Gan Bei!" much like "Yam Seng!" or "Cheers!". During a wedding the couple is expected to go to every table and "bottom's up" with all the guest, a tradition that have taken a good following here in KL too, much to the delight of yours truly.

Once upon a time in China, there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupies only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some American tourists. As the wedding couple hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of 'GAN BEI' gets louder and louder.

One Gwailo gets more and more irritated as the couple keeps getting closer to him.

'GAN BEI.........GAN.........BEI.........!!!' the cheers continued.

Finally, the irritated Gwailo couldn't take it anymore. He stood up on his chair and shouted, "IF YOU CAN'T PAY, IT'S OK! THEN LET ME PAY FOR U!"

(Zed’s Note: The joke was taken off the net, with some modifications and Jo, you really are to be blamed for this! You got me hunting for the material… LOL! Oh by the way in case you are wondering, go ahead and watch The Myth, it’s not great but it’s no waste of time either.)

Cheers.

The lull before the storm.

2005-09-22T15:22:00.000+08:00

Weeks even days before. We all know when it’s going to happen.

Like birds that flies away and herds of beast that roams absent sensing danger ahead, such is life. We all have the ability to sense danger well before it strikes.

This is a gift, one that we seldom know we possess.

We often can tell that a storm is arriving. Have you noticed that usually after a life altering experience like an accident, a heart attack or perhaps even the triumph of achieving something that you have longed for, you realize that deep inside - you knew?

Yes, you knew that something really bad (or sometimes good) is about to happen. This is the gift that everyone has - but you have to listen. You look out for the signs and you know deep in you that everything is about to change. Things will no longer be the same. We often like to call this ability our instinct – our sixth sense.

Is it really a sixth sense? No. I am sorry to disappoint, but there is no such sense. We learn to sense, much like we learn how not to touch a hot kettle, over time our experience tells us exactly what we need to know – albeit subconsciously but it is always there. We convert this subliminal messages into what we call instinct.

Why do I say this? Well I get paid for using my “instinct”. My gut feel. I don’t crunch numbers, I don’t fix equipments, nor do I teach others – I am paid to provide my “opinions” validated only by my “gut”. Pretty cool? I beg to differ. I would like to think that I am like a weatherman. Not a fortune-teller, but a weatherman. Whom unfortunately is not always right.

I forecast. Do I guess? No. I learn to read the signs. I understand human faces and I understand human voices – not what is seen nor heard, but what is in between. Because of this I know that the respite I enjoy is transient not unlike the lull before a storm. I sense the gale brewing. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and I know the inevitable is exactly what it is - inevitable.

Alone I shall face it, and alone I shall bear the consequence. Now the question is, what the heck am I doing here?

(Zed's Note: Just felt like rambling today, but I guess that is what a blog is all about sometimes. Hmmm...)

Fiction's Friction

2005-09-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

“Fantasy is just reality in a different land, speaking a different language”

Zed Ezekiel

Well the tale ended.

Not with a bang, but it fizzled out. Why? Because reality is a drag!

(Zed’s Note: Have you been to The Ship over at Jalan Bukit Bintang? Upstairs, a place called The Captain’s Cabin, go over on a Friday and check out the drags putting on a show. My tip? Order something stiff, and drink fast! What if you don’t drink? Is smoking pot still illegal here? Okay then you’ll just have to rough it out. Sorry!)

Real life? We are constantly looking for the fairy tale that we grew up with, from “Once upon a time” all the way to “…and they lived happily ever after!”. Well guess what? I am sorry to be the one bursting your bubble, but last time I checked Snow White was still stuck with the dwarfs, and Rumpelstiltskins is not spinning yarns of gold.

Truth to be told is that we all strive for happiness, and gloom during moments of despair. But this is the fact - for there will not be happiness if there is no sadness to compare it with. It is interesting that we have to go through pain, to really appreciate the joys of pleasure. I thank god for what I have, and I seek forgiveness for my greed.

I thank you for having spent some time reading the story, it may not be much but it is what it is so I am glad we all got over it. Why? So I can babble about other irrelevant things in life.

By the way, today I seek your attention to this entry by totoro - which highlights a story that I feel is a must read. It also shares the pain that Jacqueline went through (and still is going through). Be mindful of the pictures, but I think its necessary to send the point across.

Cheers.

Thanks baby for the title... I like!

v. Fidelity wasn't just a tune.

2005-09-20T09:43:00.002+08:00

I am not sure about this. This was my deal, but now when it’s my turn, I feel like a thousand eyes are watching, and even though you can’t see me, I still am worried that I might make a fool of myself. I didn’t realize it was this difficult. When he does it, it looks so easy and now when I am actually writing this, eerrmmmm.

Well, ready or not here it comes.

I have written and rewritten this story so many times. It just keeps getting more confusing. Every time I edit it, it gets more baffling.

At least I can count on him to edit it. The deal is he can’t edit the story, only spelling and grammar. Well, a deal is a deal. Okay guys (Zed’s Note: Have you noticed that when we write or talk, we are more inclined to address the opposite sex? Guys and Gals my dear…) here is the deal.

I was sitting with my friends waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive. We just got off work, and decided to meet for a few drinks. It was basically supposed to be just a few of us, but you know how it is. You invite one friend, and she invites another and before you know it you have a crowd. I arrived early, because I hate traffic, and I was actually quite near.

(Zed’s Note: And that is why you end up waiting most of the time, I keep telling her this! Okay folks, I have a quota of only three Zed’s Note so am going to keep the last one for the end of the story! However, I have no quota on how long my notes can be! LOL)

Lucky me I had both my best friends with me, so I don’t have that “awkward wait”, at least that’s what I call it. I would rather wait in the car, rather then be in a club alone. Men don’t understand this. No matter how strong we look, we are ladies, and ladies are ladies – if only someone teach them manners, they would probably have some idea. Anyway, before I digress again (I still feel like someone is reading over my shoulder!) let me give you my version of what happened.

We arrived at the club, and decided to take the table outside. It fits more people, and I don’t have to handle guys staring at me. Girls, I am sure you know what I mean. Some jerks just look at you all night and think that they are Rambo or something. This is one reason why I don’t like going out. I don’t think I am pretty, and I am surely not a model – and I don’t need another ten guys walking up to me to tell me what I am not. Sheesh!

So we sat down, and I noticed this guy who caught my eye and smiled. Well, (and by now, I have read Zed’s entry so this is my version okay) I felt that here’s another joker trying to get lucky. Damn hi hi hi…

I think I may have smiled, at least that is what Zed insists, but I don’t remember smiling! Sorry dear! LOL. The way he writes it, you might think that the evening may have lasted like the whole night! Actually if memory serves me right, it was probably about an hour or so. Hi hi leave it to Zed to “stretch” the whole thing. Anyway, I don’t think I can write like him, so I shall get straight to the point. I was ordering my drinks (and I especially liked the “interpretation” Zed has on his idea of women looking at guys when they order drinks! I think I must have had dust in my eyes or something, and accidentally looked his way, ROTFL!) and Zed came over. He looked clumsy and as if this was the first time talking to women or something, and Zed if you were acting, demmm you are good! I felt like there is no harm. We are early, and my girlfriends and I are in a naughty mood. So we started chatting. I didn’t really realize Zed’s so called stunt, about walking away and coming back but I have to admit when I read his version – I feel tricked! So this is my chance for revenge LOL.

Anyway, he called me a few weeks back and said he wanted to write about what happened, and my first question was - what happened? You see, nothing happened that night, so I felt that hmmm… how much harm can come out of this. Then he went and included my name. Cannot laa… like that. So I called Zed and we came to this deal. I get to write the end of the story, so whatever he writes I get to give my version of it right? And in return he cannot use my name, but can only write about me until end of September. So he has one month to write about me, and by end of September I can write the closing. Anyway, this is a bit early (and Zed said he is out of idea, hmmm that is hard to believe!), and the other reason I agreed is because Zed’s birthday is this month, and he insisted that this is his birthday gift. Sheesh, if I knew writing is this difficult, I would have been better to get a pressy lah.

So you must be wondering if the story is true?

Actually, the facts are okay lah, not too much exaggeration. I have known Zed for a few months now, and since that evening I am one of his “buds”. He calls me that because he said he don’t believe in platonic relationships and the only way we can be friends is if he treats me like a guy! Zed I still don’t get this LOL. Is Zed a chicskaholic? Well, I think he is easy to get comfortable with. I like that he can take my day apart, reassemble it and suddenly my confusion makes sense. I don’t know how to explain this, but Zed can see through problems better then most people, so I guess hanging out with him helps me solve my problem. Okay Zed, I said nice things about you already… (Happy Birthday early!)

Anything else? Errmmmm… let me see. I am not supposed to talk about details, so it’s a bit difficult. I am supposed to write about that evening, but the way I see it, I am done. So that’s it.

In case you didn’t notice, yes it’s me – the so called Brown Eyes.

XXX

(Zed’s Note: Hmmm… where do I even begin? Phew! Okay, first of all thank you Brown Eyes for keeping to the deal and not being too nasty in your story! Have you ever tried to get someone else to write? It’s like trying to get a raging bull to get his jabs. By now, you may have guessed it. Yes, Brown Eyes and me are just friends. We have been for a while now, and yes I do treat her like one of the guys.

Any other way? I may end up in a spot where I may have trouble getting out of. I meant it when all I wanted was to have a chat with her that evening. What is more complimenting for a guy then to be hanging out with a hot babe? (No! I wasn’t referring to you Brownie... LOL) Can’t think of anything else.

Platonic relationships? It's just a mask for "when do we get into bed"? A holding pattern.

Okay, that is the end of this story. I hope it's amusing, because that is the way it's meant to be. I have a few more stories running around in my head, so I may write about those. I think I shall call this tale - Brown Eyes with a Twist.)

Totoro tagged and I retorted

2005-09-19T14:23:00.000+08:00

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

Try to beat aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoaluminosocupreovitriolic (52 letters), attributed to Dr Edward Strother (1675-1737) as the longest English word that made it to the Oxford dictionary
Build a Tour 18 Golf Course right here in KL, Tour 18 is a golf course designed after the US PGA Tour and takes the best holes from several course and puts it together in one (eg. Amen Corner from Augusta, Island Green from Pebbles…)
Get over all my addictions
Give away RM 1,000 anonymously to 100 poor people every month for 10 years
Act in a Hollywood Movie! But as one of those “bad-guy extra’s” standing in the background, preferably a 007 flick. Then get shot, and have a full 10 seconds “dying” part.
See all my children be successful
Fly around the world, by myself and disappear in the act of doing so, and people will have to wonder for a long time what the heck happened to Zed

Seven things I could do now:

Lose some kilos (took this from totoro, unedited)
Grow a bit taller (this one too!)
Renovate my home (and this one)
Go holiday in Kunming for Golf (okay, edited a bit here)
Write a book, or a blog (still the same)
Eat another burger (damn totoro… you are making it too easy!)
Let LaidBare ride me until I can die. Opps... (okay, who’s LaidBare?)

Seven celebrity crushes:

Angeline Jolie (like you can’t guess?)
and as part of the cure for chickaholism, I am supposed to stick to one crush at a time… so next six names shall be the same (Hmmm... I wonder how long this will last???)

Seven often repeated words:

Damn
Yikes!
Okay, all the rest will just have to be symbolized… $%$@#!@^>?<& There may be kids reading this!

Seven traits I look for in the opposite sex:

Actually if I can make the list seven, I impress myself! I would settle for a hottie with brains that just couldn’t get enough… Hmmm, I wonder?

When enough is just too much

2005-09-18T11:57:00.000+08:00

You know when you were small, and you asked mom for your favorite candy? My mom had an interesting way of weaning me off these nasty habits. She would go out and buy a whole box of the same candy. As much as they would be able to sell her anyway. And then she would stuff the fridge with it. I usually never had the crave for the same candy ever again! Eating the same everyday, one gets a natural turn-off for these enamel obliterating sweeties.

This was how I grew up, and oftentimes how I conduct myself when I like something. I don’t dwell in mediocre moderation, I dive into the deep-end and ask, “That’s all you’ve got?”. No, I am not doing one of those Freudian “I have to attribute everything wrong with my life on mom” stunts, but I had an interesting weekend when I suddenly realized that I had enough of everything - that what’s missing became an enigma.

Am I too contented? Am I not thankful, as I probably should be counting my blessings rather then bitch about having too much? Have I lost my sense of adventure? I asked myself all these questions.

I realized this as I was nursing my SurfinTVnaholic, and found that I couldn’t do it anymore. Not for a second more.

I have had enough of TV, and I ponder if this placid existential activity should be taboo! From AXN all the way to MTV, nothing could keep me glued. I was dumbfounded, what happened? Then I decided that maybe I was too slack, and decided to get into my shorts and shoes for a run.

I ran.

Twenty five minutes later sweaty and drained, I still felt that something was missing. I walked a bit more, and hoped that it will come to me. What am I missing? What is nagging on the coat-tails of my soul that I should be paying attention to? I am as lost as I was at the beginning of this quest.

Flummoxed and mystified I realized one thing though. My mind was on overdrive. I was reeling from my thoughts of looking at myself in the third-party so much, that I became conscious of the obsessions that haunts me. I was writing about me, hence I had some sort of an out-of-body experience! This is daunting. I am scared of me! I fear what I say about myself. And now with all of you reading about me, I feel like there is this huge magnifying glass burning into my being. I am sorry that you are reading this entry, but I felt that the only way I can find peace for now is to profess my fears. Did this make sense? I wouldn’t know. But did it make me feel better? Well it is better then the TV and running, I’ll give it that. So my conclusion? Perhaps there will come a time, when enough is actually too much.

And when I logged on to post this entry, what did I find? Totoro tagged me! Well, I guess when in Rome… (Zed’s Note: Right back at’cha Totoro, a riposte for your tag coming soon! LOL)

Cheers.

Zed's rehabilitation is in progress

2005-09-16T09:33:00.000+08:00

Captain's Log:
Friday, 16th September 2005 somewhere around the midst of the cyber-city after being chased by a little red kancil, who thinks that she is the only person late for work.

_______________________________________________________________________

I am happy to report some progress based on my first therapy session. It was grueling, and long as usually is the case when it's the first time (so how was your first time? LOL). I actually decided to go to bed before midnight yesterday! However, the thoughts of all these bloggers out there happily bloggin' away did bug me for a while before I finally managed to lull into my slumber.

(Zed’s Note: MIV, I managed to get the forms because apparently my friend knows someone, who knows this person whom married someone 23 years older then her - who is a big shot somewhere, and they got me the forms!)

However, as part of the program, I was given an assignment. I had to write the top ten things I like about blogging that keeps me doing it. It’s part of a self awakening process apparently. So I did it. Here’s my list.

I meet new people
I don’t have to wear pants to meet them
I get some “escapism” time from the real world
Interesting stories are abound
I get to be “kepochi” and nose around
I get to stand on a soapbox, and get my points across (like totoro said!)
I look like I am working (for hours!), hence scoring brownie points
I am in control
(Zed's Note: I have the attention span of a gnat, and the speed of a bee that stung itself *silly bee!* – so I move at my own pace)
I don’t have to look like I am interested, only if I am then usually we drop notes, right?
I have the freedom of expression, without being tied down by the bias of stereotyping

Tomorrow we may have to do the top ten things we don’t like about blogging. Hmmm… I wonder if these things have got cheat codes?

Anyway, I was late today because I was interviewing a candidate for this post we have here, and I have to admit – I was impressed. It is very seldom you find a local candidate that would be all rounded, and yet not pound his chest like he is King Kong and has just uprooted Eiffel Tower.

This is a common problem.

Good individuals are lacking humility, and the humble ones - are actually swallowing their pride and compromises on principles. To strike a balance is a challenge, perhaps I found the right man for the job (so please do not send in applications folks, job is taken – I hope?). This afternoon would not be fun. We have a board meeting on a Friday afternoon, which wise ass actually thought of that? I have to present, so am going to pretend to look aloof, and cry wolf. It always gets attention and sometimes even a promotion!

(Zed’s Note: Okay am on rambling mode now, so better check out before sustaining more damage!)

A tip on how to look smarter then you are
Look at the person straight in the eye throughout the conversation, never interrupt, and about 3 topics later in your own words repeat exactly what his/her point of view was. You will come out of it looking like you cared, and since you share the same point of view, have you met anyone calling themselves stupid lately?

Obviously not, so the fella will think “Hmmm, what a bright person this Zed is, not only does he care, but he actually says some pretty smart things. Maybe I should listen to him a bit more!”

Okay folks, it was really nice chatting but it’s a weekend ahead and it’s Friday so remember – no drinking and driving, and have a great sunny weekend.

Cheers.

Hi! My name is Zed and I am a Bloggerholic!

2005-09-15T11:50:00.000+08:00

Seriously folks, this is an addiction. The fact that I have "compulsive neurotic disorder" doesn’t help either. When I get into something, there really isn’t a middle road for me, it is always all or nothing.

Now?

I wake up, and look at the blogs. I go to work, I look at the blogs. I stay up all night looking at blogs. I walk around thinking about the blogs I read, and what I want to write about in my blog. Help! Get me out of here!

(Zed’s Note: ROTFLMAO)

Well, historically I have had many addictions - some I have overcame, others haunt me until today. The following is a quick list of some of them.

Ciggyholic
Cigarholic
Alcoholic
Barhoppingaholic
Chocoholic
Chickscoholic
Bookaholic
Workaholic
Golfaholic
Sleepoholic
CSInaholic
SurfinTVaholic
AngelinaJoliecaholic
Smartassoholic

And of course my latest addition

Bloggerholic

So I have decided to attend Bloggers Anonymous and get myself patched up. Until then, let me see if I can get this fixation under control!

Cheers!

iv. The edge of reason is maddening.

2005-09-14T09:56:00.000+08:00

Brown Eyes is attractive. There is no doubting that. I feel like the whole club is looking at us, and at me with envy. I brushed her hands slightly as I put her drink down. She gave me a sly smile.

Things are going well.

This is when it is most difficult. So many options and choices to make. Is it as simple as getting her number, and putting the trophy on my mantle or is it acting in good conscious knowing that what goes around comes around?

We chatted as if we were good friends whom have not met each other for the longest time – and yet we just met not an hour ago. She laughs at my not so funny stories, and tells me about how much she enjoys her recent vacation. If only women knew that all a man has is his pride, and nothing makes him feel better then a smile - the world would be a better place.

Brown Eyes is getting to me. I can feel it. I told her that I am into blogging nowadays, and how I enjoyed the freedom it has given me. She said she don't write well and is too fragile to take the criticisms that comes with others reading her journals, but she likes to read though. I find her honesty refreshing, and I took her bait like a starving piranha, and started to tell her all about the joys of writing.

Then I realized that I have been doing too much of the talking. She is a good listener, her eyes never left mine. So I decided to turn the spotlight on her.

She works for a fashion house during the day, and sings after hours. Whoops! Alarm bells went off in my head. Sings after hours? Karaoke perhaps? All this went through my head like a bullet train on steroids. I know of the fashion house she spoke about, and do admire their work. It is one of the few local brands that have made it international. This should be the case, we are a creative lot, but often lack the confidence to trust our instincts. I didn’t expect the second part though. She doesn’t look like she needs to moonlight at all. I try not to judge others, for fear of being judged myself, but really sometimes it is impossible not to.

I am very curious, but decided to keep my cool. So I asked her if it's her day off from performing or, does she have to go to work later?

She said "Zed, I hope you don't tell anyone this, but..."

I was at the edge of my seat, and I hope that she couldn’t see me gripping my chair, it may still have my impression in it!

For you my Princess

2005-09-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

I swim but I sink
I fly but I fall
I sing but I appall
I smile but I lie
I seek but I perish
I love but I ache
I hope but I despair

But for you my Princess, I will do it all.

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

7 Malaysians kill themselves every day

2005-09-13T01:48:00.000+08:00

1,700 suicides so far this year
Annie Freeda Cruez KUALA LUMPUR, Sun. NST

Suicides are taking a terrible toll on Malaysians with nearly 1,700 lives lost between January and Aug 31 this year.

(... NST)

The ministry’s health education division senior assistant director Wan Rokman Wan Yaacob said the most common forms of suicide in Malaysia were poisoning with pesticides and herbicides, hanging, jumping from buildings and drowning. "Recently, carbon monoxide poisoning from exhaust fumes of vehicles has been increasing," he told the New Straits Times in an interview in conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day 2005, which Malaysia is observing tomorrow.

He attributed suicides to many complex and inter-related causes including poverty, unemployment, loss of loved ones, breakdown in relationships and a family history of suicide. (for the full article, please visit the NST archives...) He said early detection of school children with emotional, behavioural and academic problems could help them cope with such problems.

On the effect of media coverage of occurrences of suicides, he said that there was a link that had been identified some time ago. He said there was evidence that sensational reporting with details of methods used in suicide could lead to imitation suicides.

Meanwhile, it is learnt that at least one person commits suicide a day in Singapore with an average of 13 a day in Thailand.

______________________________________________________

Will someone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Here is an article which is oxymoronic at best! On one hand it tells you how to go and kill yourself, and then explains oops sorry, that's the whole reason why people are jumping off buildings. Annie? What is wrong with you? Slap the news on Page 1, and then wonder why we have 7 people commiting suicide? News Straits Times have really gone down the gutters. I should have followed my own advice and stick to blogging.

Anyway, my take on this? Who hasn"t contemplated suicide? Who hasn't said that enough is enough? Who hasn't wish that at some point of their life, there isn't a tomorrow?

Why didn't we do it?

Because we have a reason to live, and because we still believe in god. Take the two away, and what do you have left?

Exhaust fumes.

Cheers.

Licensed to Chill

2005-09-12T00:55:00.000+08:00

Had a great trip down to Jakarta.

One picture of a golf course will be the same as the next so I won't bore you with too many pictures of courses. The one here is at Bukit Pelangi. A great course with nice fairways, slick greens, and very subtle breaks. The Mines is child's play compared to this course. I had at least 6 regulation on's and managed to only convert half of it. A course up in the hills, so Bukit Pelangi has a nice cooling breeze while the sun showers you throughout the game. Shot a 92 with 3 pars, and interestingly enough played exactly the same score at Chenkareng.

The toad is the 150m marker at Chenkareng, and he cracks me up! The course is a resort course just 5 minutes from the airport. A golfing trip to Jakarta without Chenkareng is a real loss. Once you have played there you'll know what I mean. It has a feel good effect, and since it's a walking course, I suggest that you don't exert yourself too much early in the game.

I went around in the Bajaj (pronounced ba-jaie) a few times, and find the ride hair raising. Not something I would recommend if you are not familiar with Jakarta though, or if you are traveling alone.

The other thing I really enjoy at Jakarta is the food. The following are a couple of restaurants that I recommend highly. They are very popular, and any taxi driver should be able to get you there. (Also would recommend the Silver Bird or Blue Bird taxies only, as they have a good reputation, and goes strictly by the meter - most of the time)

Hotel Borobudur

Sop Bontot! Don't let the name freak you out. Its actually oxtail soup or "Sup Ekor". You have not tasted oxtail soup, until you have had it at Hotel Borobudur. It is acclaimed as the best in Jakarta, and having tasted it, I know why. Melts in your mouth, and with less fat then the average soup we have here in KL, it comes without the guilt. Do not be in Jakarta and miss out on this treat.

Pondok Sedap Malam

Seafood galore. One of the best seafood restaurant I have been to. The catch is fresh, and cooked at your request. Careful with the chili as it has a pretty good sting to it.

Dapur Sunda

If you have tried the Sundanese Restaurant in KLCC, then you will be able to appreciate the “Dancing Fish” that is a popular dish when it comes to Sundanese cuisine. Here is the original recipe. A night out here will send you back to KL thinking how the Sundanese have got it made. It is also said that the most beautiful women in Indonesia are the Sunda’s. I have to admit, they are right.

Garuda

Forget all the Nasi Padang you have tried. This is the real thing. Padang is a place in Indonesia, and is not to be mistaken for “field” which is what Padang means. The fried chicken here is one that I will be missing until my next trip back.

Medan Baru

Rumah Makan Medan Baru
Jalan Krekot Bunder
No. 65, Jakarta

I had to include the address for this one as it really is where the locals go. It's Achehnese, and not something we are normally accustomed to. However, I can assure you that you will take immediate liking to it. It has the best Fish Head Curry in the region, and being laced with "ganja" obviously helps! We had a blast at this joint, and between us, I think seven fish sacrificed their heads. When you are here look for Pak Ibrahim (he owns the place), and mention that Pak Steven sent you there - VIP treatment you shall enjoy.

I have to thank Pak Steven, Pak Hendrok and Pak Andi for having taken very good care of us. Guys you are the best host, and friend a man can find! Also, thank you Pak Hendrok for the blog title.

As for the next episode of what happened with Brown Eyes, I have included an update. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Cheers.

iii. The tables are turning.

2005-09-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

She had dreamy eyes, hair down to her shoulders, long inviting neck and a million watt smile with a nice laugh to complement. Her skin was fair, with a body that screams "I was at the gym five minutes ago"! I can't help thinking that either she is on a "break" from guys, or there is a lucky soul somewhere that could be assured that his girl could hold her own. I never asked if she is single. I don't want to know, not yet.

I stood and extended my hands to Brown Eyes. She took it, and we shake. I left my hand out longer then necessary, and brushed her gently. Then I looked over to her friends and nodded my goodbye. I wanted Brown Eyes to feel special. Women are interesting this way. If they feel that you want them, they want you to acknowledge it. It's reaffirming perhaps?

As I turn to walk over to my table, I noticed Brown Eyes taking a quick sweeping look from my face down to my shoes. This is good. Women check men out. And besides the obvious, they oftentimes look for good taste. Your watch? Belt? Shoes? It makes who you are. They are not looking for brands, or expensive goods - just good taste. A man with a Tag Hauer, Rolex, Seiko, Guess it matters not. What matters is how the whole package comes together.

Why did I walk away?

Because, when a women think that they have you, the only option they have is to keep shopping. This is a design fault. Women doesn't settle on a choice as easy as we guys do. We see women as fickle, actually it's just a way of ensuring the survival of the species. If women makes bad decision, we have bad offspring, and lousy gene pools. So they have to keep shopping until they are satisfied that they either have no more options, or they settle on the fact that you are it.

If I hang around and keep talking, I might as well get on all four and go "Woof! Woof!" and wait for her to say "Fetch!", as I would never be able to hold her attention because she needs to keep a look out for other guys out there. I need to give her this space, and let her realize that the rest of the crowd are just horny, testosterone loaded mutts that is looking for a quick shag, which often is the case anyway. Sometimes, I wonder why men never realize this. It just makes it so easy.

As I walked, my buds was smiling and laughing. I turned to look at Brown Eyes and gave her a reassuring look "Our secret is safe my dear... I don't kiss and tell". One of my friends wanted to give me a high five. Don't, don't even think about it. As much as women love to be a trophy (or being considered worthy of being a trophy) they do not want to be treated like one. I shook my friend's hand instead. I took my seat, and pretended to make interesting conversation. I looked animated. I always have Brown Eyes at the corner of my eye, and I wanted her to see this. A few other fella’s tried their "luck" some even stayed long and kept pressing - obviously trying on lines after lines. But I have left Brown Eyes curious and challenged. Is she not worthy? Maybe I am just an asshole? Perhaps my girl is coming. She kept an eye on me too.

Brown Eyes played with her phone. A couple of text messages, and a few phone calls. She is telling me that she has friends too. The crowd is picking up, and soon someone may interest her more then me, or her guy friends may arrive. Timing is everything. In life, and believe it or not - in death.

I find that women are usually amongst one of these three when they are out and about.

1. They are out with their boyfriend or a guy she has a crush on
2. They came with colleagues celebrating something or just with casual friends
3. They are on a girl's night out

Look out for number 1, and stay away! Not a chance in hell, because to prove to their "guy" they are worthy, the best way is to reject another poor slob. And the rejection has to be obvious - preferably one that attracts attention! You don't want to be the slob - trust me.

As for 2 and 3? Perfect. Then it's all about chemistry. Please don't confuse chemistry with "you are my soul mate, and I want to have your child!". Chemistry is "this is a decent bloke, somewhat interesting and a bit of a gentleman. Maybe i should get to know him a bit more". Diving into the deep end rushes the conclusion, and now you will have to make a choice. Love at first sight? Leave that for Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Patience is a virtue money can never replace.

I am confident that Brown Eyes is on 2. She arrived early, and it looks to me like there will be more to come as they chose a table bigger then they needed. Also, the fact that she is not dressed to kill says a lot. On a girl's night out, the babes are outdoing one another. Guys? Usually we are road kill, just means to an end. Women are extremely competitive, we mistake this for passion, possessiveness, love, and jealousy. The root of it all is to keep other women from dipping into her men's crown jewels, and breed a competing brood.

I knew I had to get back to Brown Eyes, before she thinks I am not interested. I walked to her table, almost skipping this time - just to show her how happy I am to be back with her. I took my seat, as if I belong and that I have known her forever. This is when I asked Brown Eyes if she would let me buy her a drink. Her friends are happily chatting away, and it felt like there was only the two of us there. In the crowd that we were in, we were alone.

Our eyes met, and I know. I know that Brown Eyes is lonely.

(Zed's Note: Who isn't? Who can say that I am truly fulfilled, that I am happy with all I have, and want no more. If you are out there, say hello. I would like to meet you, and ask you your secret!)

I can choose. I can turn the table to my advantage and make a romantic gesture, or I could...

I am out of here!

2005-09-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

Heading to Jakarta.

Business and golf. Am really looking forward to play Bukit Pelangi on Saturday, and Chengkaring, Sunday. Will be off line for the next few days, and will post updates when back.

Was hanging out at Slippery Senoritas (Zed's Note: Thanks Jo!) over at the Curve earlier. Not much of a joint, but I realized that it's just next to Fitness First. So this is probably a good plus for an average pub. The view of the ladies coming in and out of the club adds a bit of colour to an otherwise lackluster ambiance. Food was okay, and plentiful to choose from.

Got some interesting comments, but I probably was asking for it.

This is the price of blogs, as anonymous comments sometimes arrive taking pot shots. Civilized manners just dissipates when one presumes they are not seen.

Anyway, I have seen it plenty in other blogs, so seeing it here just means that my little space have grown up - and is being read. I do hope you enjoy it here, and if you don’t? Well that would be my fault, not yours.

Cheers.

At Journey's End

2005-09-08T12:43:00.000+08:00

I think and I do
I work and I hope
I live and I dream
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I pray for heaven and I seek forgiveness
I cherish the moment and I enjoy my blessings
I love all and hope to be loved
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I cry when I am sad
I laugh when I am happy
I shout when I am angry
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I know now
I am merely a soul
I exist not because of me
But alas, when realization struck me
As I am at journey's end
The next second will never be up to me

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

Oops, Sorry!

2005-09-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

The last entry didn't sink in very well with a few quarters. Apparently, I am not so anonymous after all. Well, we are in the midst of a story, so I managed a compromise. No names. What a waste, it really is a good name.

Anyway, am going back to read mode for a while. Gotta catch up on the latest from some of those cool blogs out there.

Cheers.