In Paths Untrodden

IN paths untrodden,
In the growth by margins of pond-waters,
Escaped from the life that exhibits itself,
From all the standards hitherto publish’d—from the pleasures, profits, eruditions, conformities,
Which too long I was offering to feed my soul;
Clear to me, now, standards not yet publish’d—clear to me that my Soul,
That the Soul of the man I speak for, feeds, rejoices most in comrades;
Here, by myself, away from the clank of the world,
Tallying and talk’d to here by tongues aromatic,
No longer abash’d—for in this secluded spot I can respond as I would not dare elsewhere,
Strong upon me the life that does not exhibit itself, yet contains all the rest,
Resolv’d to sing no songs to-day but those of manly attachment,
Projecting them along that substantial life,
Bequeathing, hence, types of athletic love,
Afternoon, this delicious Ninth-month, in my forty-first year,
I proceed, for all who are, or have been, young men,
To tell the secret of my nights and days,
To celebrate the need of comrades.

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

I have always enjoyed Whitman, and as one reads in between the words forming the prose within his verse, one can’t help but to wonder what he was feeling and thinking at the exact moment when he wrote these words dancing full of toil and emotions.

It has been a while since I have seek the depths upon myself looking inside me, wondering about the perjury of life and the tribulations of living such a fib hoping for a day when it all may end. Alas one has no say. No say in his own play, as he may claim to possess the stage but the audience is one that does not care for neither an encore nor reverberating tall tales.

We are all merely selfish beings, born as such and shall die as such. Life is all but one convoluted mess of survival.

This realization may strike some as a bogus belief of deprivation and others as a small bump in the night, another truth passing by noticed by few, ignored by most. Well, as we sail through this precarious sea of life; with our soul embodied in this vessel of flesh and bones, I wonder if we actually realize that ultimately we are beings of equals.

Each seeking and searching for his or her own place, none realizing that it was never a journey about the destination – rather one that perpetuates itself until one expires. The only hope we have is to be our best, for ourselves and those that rides the journey along with us.

Am I being too perplexing? Am I in my own world, perhaps you may say? Well, maybe I am. Maybe I am lost in myself. Lost in the belief that there isn’t much to call upon beyond the shores of actualization. Maybe I am hoping for hope.

So be it, as it is much better to realize that catharsis, fate, fortune, providence, and destiny is not mine to question. It is mine to accept.

Salam Aidilfitri

It is almost Aidilfitri and it has been almost a month of fasting. It is also almost time for over 200 families to miss one of their loved ones forever. At some point next week 200 people will die. They will die in a mangled metal wreck, and hopefully death will come quickly for the lucky few.

Please drive safely.

Gruesome? Well, if only they make advertisements with the same lines. Maybe, just maybe this time we will listen. This childish rebellious attitude is a signature idiosyncrasy of Malaysians. I don’t know why, but nothing seems to work when you put a Malaysian behind the wheels. They simply turn to Mr. Hyde, and let their ugly side rule the road. Sad, but we live this moment everyday when we start our engines.

Enough said.

Back to more recent updates? I have not blogged for a very long time. It feels very long. So much has transpired, yet it feels like I am standing still and the whole world is just a blur moving past me. I feel contented, at peace, and am finally in a place where I am in complete acceptance of my fate. It is interesting. All our life we speak of God, of our Prophet, of Heaven and Hell, of Angels, and of the inevitable Death. Yet, how often do we realize that this insignificant moment we have in life, as opposed to the eternity that we shall spend upon death – is nothing?

Perhaps you say you believe not in God. Perhaps you say we were monkeys before. Perhaps you say that beyond this life is just emptiness. Perhaps for you life is a journey from nothing to nothing, and when it is all over we all rot away – food for the worms that we once stepped upon? Perhaps.

Alas, I can’t believe it is as such.

I can’t believe that life is about nothing. I will not accept such a travesty. There is more, so much more to life then empty feelings of winning and losing. So much more then waking up day upon day to seek dollar upon dollar to make ready for a time when not a single dollar we have can save us from the inevitable death. Come what may, we will die and I believe that Allah has put me here, put all of us here for a purpose much more then just trivial pursuits of self glorification.

I feel restored.

So much more to learn and everyday I thank Allah for the opportunity to seek his forgiveness, to seek knowledge in this ever diminishing life to please my Lord and to seek a better hereafter.

There is more.

We have not the answers. We never will. Skim the surface, perhaps. Glimpse at the truth, maybe just a shade – but answers we shall never truly have. Just a notion, evolving as God allows us to learn, but to truly know the answers we must first believe that there is one God, and Allah promises that the answers we seek in this life shall be endowed upon us should we seek the straight path.

Am I religious because I preach my faith?

No. it is not for me to say, nor you whether I am religious or not. But I am thankful that these last few months have been what they are. I am thankful that now I am afraid of hell, and wishes for heaven. May this journey be one that lasts a lifetime, and may this man be one that seeks his Lord’s pleasure.

I wonder what you think. Some of you know me. Some of you know of me. I wonder what you think.

Wallahualam. This is me signing off, and perhaps if Allah pleases we shall meet again.

Assalamualaikum and Salam Aidilfitri to all Moslems.

Dum di dum di dum

Ever had that moment when in the chaos of everyday life, you suddenly find a little spot of serenity? Just that ever so brief a moment when heart, mind, and soul came together and decided to give you a break? A small pocket of sanity?

Yes. Rare as it may seem, once in a very long while I find myself in this nice corner. Oblivious to what happened, what’s happening, and what is going to happen. Suddenly it just doesn’t matter. Bliss from ignorance. Nice.

Here I am, listening to a bit of Radja, Ello, and Rossa. Thanks Indonesia for satisfying the crave for decent Malay music. No offence to our local talents, but frankly it has been rather monotonous the last few years.

Alone, in an empty office, in the evening. Hmmm, some company may be nice. But hey who cares. Coffee, music, blogs, banging on my keyboard churning out mindless streams of nothingness – for today this is enough. I am pleased.

Never say never

I didn’t. I never said that I shall stop blogging, and it was probably a good thing too. I have been out of the blog scene for a while now. Did I miss it? Honestly? Not really. Real life has been quite taxing and with what we have just ventured into it keeps my mind quite occupied.

As I read my previous entries I realized that much have changed for me. So much so, that I contemplated deleting a few things, or even moving to a new url. But I realized that no matter what I do, I can’t hide from myself. So I shall not. You reading this shall remain witness to the evolution of a being called Zed Ezekiel.

I lost a very close family member abruptly a few months back, exactly 101 day ago actually. He was 36 years old, and was recently promoted to a very senior post in a foreign country. He visited the country, and passed away on the way back. Just like that, no real reasons – he neither smokes nor drinks. He is not overweight, nor does he have any medical history. Just like that. We didn’t do an autopsy. We didn’t want to. This was when things started to change for me. His death affected me in ways I could never explain. I will not.

We started a newco. Fun! Exciting! Stressful! Worrisome! Worth it? It depends. I don’t know yet, but I am sure that I am enjoying every moment. If you are measuring success only by monetary values, then only time will tell if the venture was worth it, but if success is the colorful experience we paint into our life – then I shall answer you now. It is worth every penny. The people I met, the lessons I learned, the realization that no matter how good you are, there are always ways to be better. Yes, worth it.

Well, that is all I have for now. See you next time. God willing. Insya’allah.

One for the weekend

It has been a rather eventful week. Much accomplished, with still so much more to be done.

Yesterday was interesting. I ended the day with a few drinks at “The T” over in Bangsar with a few friends (boys), and the conversation took a very businesslike overtone; and I decided to make myself scarce. I headed over to Friendsters (corny!) and met another friend (girl) and obviously this time it had the needed ingredients of a nice evening out. Chatting away about nothing, sharing why men sucks, and why women sucks even more as the entrée, and moving along to bitching about some common friends I feel relaxed already. Although, I don’t get to talk much, I do enjoy the listening. And it also gives me something to blog about, so what the heck!

I spent the week shuttling about town looking for a suitable location to house our team, finishing the necessary documentations that are often required to start a business, and sandwiched a few client meetings in between these times. All in all, a lot of good fun. The undulating feeling between, euphoria and freaking out, is something that I have begun to get used to. It is just the way it is. Some days will be good, others bad, or perhaps if I am lucky - mediocre.

One of the irritating manias I have to go through nowadays is listening to the thousand advices that people are so eager to give to a newbee entrepreneur wannabe.

Everyone! From the Mak Cik Nasi Lemak all the way to the MD of a few listed companies and MNCs. Hey! Don’t get me wrong, this boy appreciates all the help he can get (ie money, purchase orders, or large contracts even). But to spend an hour listening to all the lingering stories about how difficult it was for you back in the days; like listening to a war veteran talking about a war they wished they had, and making up the rest to stretch a ten minutes story into a more fulfilling hour – I’m sorry, this boy have heard it all before. In fact I could tell it for you and save you the trouble. Note to Self: Advice Overload Alert.

If I do listen to all the stories, I may end up either so freaked out that I would do nothing or so overconfident that I would most definitely make a stupid unforced error. So best to keep to myself, smile, listen politely just like mom said, and try to excuse myself as soon as I see an opening. Mom would be proud. What a good boy she raised.

So here we are, on a Friday looking at a weekend.

I am thinking of playing golf. I think Golf Addix is in town. Will give him a call, and shall be looking for Zuhri too. Need one more ball.

As for tonight?

Will be fun. I have plans for Luna Bar, and after that just hopping around depending where the friends are, and I am actually already thinking of the Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. The place stinks to high heaven, but has heavenly food. Will “tapau”.

So here’s Zed checking out for the week. Be good boys and girls okay - don’t drink and drive.

Cheers.

Picture from Postsecret

Peek-a-boo!

Just got back from a 40 minutes run. 5 minutes warm-up with a 30 minutes interval-jog and a 5 minutes warm-down. An interval-jog is when you alternate between jogging and a brisk walk. A 2 minutes jog, and a minute brisk walk in between and so forth. As the week progress, then you will want to increase the duration of the jog, and the rest period in between too.

An ideal point would be a 5 minutes jog alternated with 2 minutes of brisk walk over a 40 minutes workout period, which would bring the entire workout to about 50 minutes with the warm ups and downs included. All in all, a good hour. To make it really work, you’ll need three of these sessions in a week. Then watch the waist disappear, and the scales tipping with a smile. Track progress for 12 weeks, and you can thank me later.

10 minutes later, here I am hooked on the web like a junkie with his favorite shot.

Browsed a couple of blogs, and checked out the comments on mine (Zed’s Note: I will reply soon ladies and gents…). I have been reviewed by the self-proclaimed blog critic and he scored me well. It is a novel idea, and one that would catch up well I am sure. He basically reviews blogs, but only the one that is requested by the blog owner themselves. So if you don’t like what he has to say, then “You asked for it!” Now he also has a couple of apprentice and I am sure business is just booming over there. The following is a complete copy of the review he made on M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. I found his site when I was browsing on Ah Pek’s site. Hello Ah Pek, long time no see.

M.I.N.D.B.L.O.G.

There's a Lat cartoon on the top of this blog. I love Lat so this puts me in a good mood immediately. I scrolled all the way to the bottom and found a Calvin and Hobbes strip - another favourite of mine. I like this blog already!

Zed's profile is pretty long but refreshingly honest. As he puts it: "Some (posts) probably makes sense and others may be trash - such is a blog." Well said.It's a basic Blogspot template but for some reason the layout is wider than usual. I had to scroll to read the column on the right. Perhaps it's the cartoon that threw the layout out of whack?

Zed is not a daily blogger but when he does blog, it's something worthwhile. I like reading the posts, they're well written and insightful, and the English is flawless.

Nice use of pictures and he credits the source which is pretty ethical of him. I only have problems with the width of the page.

My rating: 8/10

By the Blog Critic

Well, we have all the New Years out of the way. Gregorian, Chinese, and Islamic. In case you don’t know the Awal Muharram holidays celebrates the Islamic New Year, and Muharram is the first month on the Islamic Calendar.

So no more excuses. Gotta get up and going.

I admit that I am in a bit of cheeky mood, and am feeling that I shall be up to no good anytime soon! So here I am biting by tongue, and am trying my best to stay away from my phone, alas I might be tempted to dial or text a few of my buddies and we’ll end up with a very late night on a Monday. Such a no-no, what with this fresh feeling of celebrating New Years and all. So I am doomed to watch more frivolous tee-vee. Oh I did buy a new book today. It’s called Jarheads, and it’s a chronicle from one of the Marines deployed during Desert Storm. The other book I just finished was Every Man A Tiger, one by Tom Clancy in collaboration with an Air Force General, also during the same war. So since, I have had a bird’s eye view of the war, I am inclined to find out what the grunts have to say.

Am keeping myself busy minding my own business (Zed’s Note: I have always wanted to say that! LOL), and am feeling like singing. Anyone for karaoke?

Cheers.

What I have always wanted to say about the GLC's

I was reading Kadir Jasin in Malaysian Business, and I have to admit that I have a love-hate opinion about his column. He recently remarked about how the GLC’s and PLC’s (Party Linked Companies) was being treated by these professional managers that seems to have forgotten about the legacy and heritage of the companies, and especially the sacrifice that the past politicians and businessmen have taken to ensure we are where we are today.

First something about the PLC acronym. What’s next?

Crony Linked Companies – CLC
Minister Linked Companies – MLC
Minister’s Son Linked Companies – MSLC
Minister’s Wife Brother In-Law Linked Companies – MWBILC
The Guy the Minister owes a Favor Linked Company – TGTMOAFLC

Seriously folks, we have to stop this. A company is exactly that, just a company. It should not be tarnished with such acronyms that bring to notion that we are less then willing to be transparent and measure ourselves from the returns the companies make. A company is profit rather then losses, and assets against liabilities. That is it, not a Ringgit more. When a company decides to rationalize its assets, whether selling a building or selling a subsidiary; then that is what a company is doing - rationalizing. It is attempting to return to its stakeholder’s profits and dividends that keep people employed. Employed citizens in turn help to keep the same loud politicians that are meddling into the company’s decision in office.

We hire CEO’s and put them on a stage, and have juries run verdicts on them not unlike a reality show, soon we might even have SMS’ sent in judging their performance. Let’s get real. Do these forty-something boys carry a magic wand that will make all the woes in these giants we call GLC’s go away? No. They are simply professionals, making a living incidentally in the limelight offered to them albeit involuntarily by the media, and when the time comes, have their performance report plastered in business journals commending or crucifying their decisions. I wonder sometimes if it is worth it?

I wonder too where is our Jack Welch, Lou Gertsner, or Michael Eisner? True professionals that have led their companies through the vigor of what the market have thrown at them over the years. They led, managed, and preached their way through and in the end, grew the size of each of their companies by a hundred fold.

We live in a sensationalized economy. Scandals and failures attract us. A quiet steady-Eddie running a company, one small decision at a time is to us a nonchalant knight, doomed to fail as he or she is unable to please our notion that extravagant news is good news. Reorganize, restructure, and re-brand that gets our attention. Not sell more cars, sign more joint ventures or perhaps even make a tad more profit. These are par for the course, you as a CEO-elect has to perform these activities anyway, but as you do so you cannot retrench, sell a building that has “sentimental” values, and by the way the next time you feel like buying a painting, please do give us a tinkle and we will let the Cabinet decide if its worth its weight in oil and canvas.

Am I in defense of these new kids on the block? Well, yes and no.

Yes, I think they should be given the leeway they need to do their job. No they should not be allowed to sell the shop away. There are enough matrices to measure their performance, the quarterly and annual financial reports would suffice.

Yes, I would like to see our telecommunications company venture into growing economies the world over, and return a healthy profit as it does so. I would also like to see us making new cars, instead of churning the old clunkers and force the public into buying them, and perhaps while we are at it maybe the airline company could also introduce new routes and establish an attractive mileage program that would entice me to fly them, and an upgrade to Business Class once in a while wouldn’t hurt either. I would be a more loyal customer I am sure.

Yes, we would like to sit and watch these newbees get their job done in the next two years, or even a year down the road as some of them are forced to pledge – but the reality of it is that took Welch a decade to come close to achieving his initial goals with GM, and Gertsner had to spend the first five years just reorganizing IBM to change its culture. Eisner on the other hand watched Disney move from a theme park into the blitz of the media business, and had his fair share of competition from the Japanese.

No, it will be a few more years before we breed our own Welch, Gertsner and Eisner. Looking on the bright side though, the boys are young and I see a lot of talent in Abdul Wahid, Idris Jala and Syed Zainal Abidin.

Yes, I would like to think that given a chance; maybe just maybe we will have our own CEO-supreme. A CEO that will be around a tad longer then his three years contract, and spend a decade or so growing his company to a size that would compete in this ever shrinking borderless economy.

Yes, and please stop calling them GLC’s – just TM, MAS and Proton would do I am sure.

Week 4 and counting

Nothing ventured and much awaits the seekers.

I caught Ratu (an Indonesian duo girl band) over at Planet Hollywood last Friday, and while the crowd wasn’t as big as I thought it would be; it wasn’t too bad. There were a lot of hot babes, and some of them looked very familiar! Were any of you there? The music is fresh, and with Ahmad Dhani from Dewa playing guest, it did bring the house down for a while. Mulan from Ratu is Dhani’s wife, so the special appearance was thrown in for free apparently; I felt that it helped to bring up the tempo a bit. It was a rather lost crowd before his piece, and improved tremendously thereafter.

Been playing quite a few rounds of golf, and am getting the hang of it. You see the problem is, in my head I am convinced that I could play to a 14 handicap, but this is not showing in my game. I am able to keep to about 4 to 6 pars almost every game, but am also almost consistently blowing about 3 to 5 holes with double and triple bogeys. Most of the mistakes I noticed are in the drive and short game. Had a couple of disastrous iron shots, but I think I could fix them myself. As a result I am scoring a 92 to 96. This entry is dedicated to all my real-life and blogging buddies who play the game, just so I could start my “stroke” negotiations early! I shall proclaim to a 20 handicap, and let’s work downwards from there – slowly. (Zed’s Note: ROTFLMAO!!)

I am back to using my Sony Vaio PCG-C1MT laptop, and it is small. Very small. The picture doesn’t say much, but it is about 1 kg and about two palm length in width. Works great when mobile, but I am short of a WIFI card. Low Yatt here I come!

Since losing my Nokia 9300 Communicator I have been disconnected from the web, and have not been able to type up these stories in my head as often; boy I miss the phone. This is my lame excuse for not blogging as much. Well, we’ll see if this laptop is going to help.

Next week will see a whole string of holidays coming together, and let me be one of the first to wish everyone celebrating a Happy Chinese New Year, and may it bring prosperity and health to you and your loved ones. As usual please be careful on the road, and be safe.

Daily dreaming

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

Remember the rhyme? All I remember was that when I learned it, I imagined a boat.

I don’t know how the song came into my head, but it just did. I was minding my own, and suddenly this rhyme popped and voila here I am writing about it.

I have just reread Lord Archer’s Prison Diaries. Archer has always been on top of my list, and million others I am sure. For me he is exemplary not only because of his books but also his life. A man bankrupted and jailed, yet time and again he rises to the top breaking apart what spanners life has thrown at him. He is definitely on my top ten most admirable people in my lifetime, right there along with Tun Mahathir and Nelson Mandela. I think these men exemplified that one man can make an insurmountable amount of difference. A culmination of vision, discipline, and hard work brings about a change that affects millions of others.

Life may be a dream, but the only way to unlock its true meanings and affect change is to begin with one. We must have a dream. We must believe in the impossible.

I know my dream. I want to be rich. Not just financial freedom rich, but rich beyond your wildest dream. Shallow you say? Well thank you.

But, only if I am rich will I be able to do what I really want to do.

Rich is not a goal nor is it the end of my dream; it is only a means for me to achieve my purpose in this life. I know I am here for a reason bigger then trying to survive my daily grind. Rich means I could feed the poor, school the orphaned, and fend for the disabled. Rich means I could show others that it can be done, and that they too should dream and be successful. Rich means that I could finally stop asking - and start giving.

The vivid description Archer gives in his diaries brings us into the realm of his mind and how it works. It is intimate. I like the notion that while he accepts his fate, he reserves some room to hope for a better tomorrow. Imagine his great grandchildren reading his books long after he is gone. The discipline he has, the hard work he endures, and the unrelenting drive to believe in himself - and fulfill his dreams over and over again.

So here I am rowing, rowing, rowing and while merry I may be, I have a dream to fulfill. Let me be, don’t wish me luck but come and dream along with me. Perhaps one day I could write all about it – and let our children see that it can be done.

All you need is a dream.

Take five

I have decided to just keep on typing what is in my mind for the next five minutes. The only edit I will make later is for spelling errors. So if you are looking for some deep insights into philosophical innuendo’s - don’t.

This will be what I call a brain dump.

Anything and everything goes. I have been blogging sporadically for a while now, and this is due to the new… Yikes, I can’t say what I am doing now, and that seems to inhibit my flow of thought quite a bit. Anyway, it is something new and should be launched sometime in the near future. Besides that, there isn’t much to say.

On other fronts it is me trying to improve on my golf which is going down the tube nowadays. I am planning another trip to Jakarta for golf in the near future, and am trying to get my game to a level that would be worth the trip. We are thinking of Bogoraya, Gunung Gilis, and our usual Cengkaring pit-stop on the way back this time (Zed’s Note: Cengkaring is near the airport, and we usually play there before our flight back). I haven’t played Gunung Gilis, and am looking forward to it.

Okay that’s it. My five minutes is up.

Men are like wine. Really?

I had this interesting chat with Ain last week. Ain is a friend of a friend, and it was the first time I met her, she is twenty five and hot. Very hot. She exudes a charming confidence and a smile that seems to say, lets have fun and come laugh with me. My friends and I were in Chinoz just shooting the breeze after work, when she joined us for a drink.

Ain shared a story about how an elderly man invited himself to join her table before we arrived. As she didn’t want to be rude, she did let the gentleman join her, and obviously his lines were predictable. How pretty she is, how smart she looks, how he wished that he had known her earlier, how she looks like a model, okay just go ahead and fill in the blanks, you probably have heard most of it anyway.

We chat about her “old dude” and she mentioned something interesting. She said “Men are like wine, they age slowly, and are almost always better with time”. This was the reason she was curious to hear what the “old dude” had to say, though she was disappointed – this time. I can see the logic in this, it made sense.

As men age, we overcome our insecurities and are not longer eager to flash our alpha male manners, rather we exhibit a certain class to demonstrate our stature. No more chest thumping, laughing loudly, and obnoxious challenges to fellow boys to see who is bigger or stronger. We are suave and self-assured.

We know that figuring out women is an endless loop that is not bound by any rules, but rather she will just change depending on the weather, her hormones, the last conversation she had, and perhaps what she had for breakfast. So men after a certain age, just stops trying to solve the women puzzle, and would rather just enjoy the product. Skin deep is deep enough for most.

Women like this.

They don’t want to be figured out, but instead she use words like love and care to describe their relationships. They don’t need a mechanic to tinker with their head. It is the joy of feeling safe and protected that makes a women happiest, and she will continue to test this feeling – consciously or unconsciously. She will push the limits of her relationship to see how far she could go, and establish her territory. She draws a line around her man, and keeps a fierce eye for any potential rival. In return, she provides all the benefits that a woman has to offer. Sex, food, and that occasional place for a man to go to and let his guards down.

Imagine the lion keeping an eye on his pride. One male, with the lioness doing all his hunting, and protecting the cubs for him. His job is simply to ensure that no other male mates with his girls, and that he keeps the pride away from any harm that might come to it. For this, he will sacrifice his life.

No women would say no to a man that could make her feel safe and wanted.

Alas, it does take a while for a man to figure this out. All the dance and rituals of impressing a women we make was really a show we put up to drive the other guys away. As for the women? They are silently judging the character of their potential mate, and incidentally if they like someone they call it chemistry; or better yet fate.

Actually what they saw was a man able to care for them and will be there when things do take a turn for the worst, just so she could have the best environment for her future offspring. She may say that she doesn’t want children – yet. Truth is, it is biological and is imprinted in our DNA. One of the reason we are put here on earth is to procreate, and as long as that opportunity presents itself; we will.

So as these young runts go about wondering why do these “matured” men seem to be able to pluck their girls as if there was some kind of magic, and as the kids think it has to do with the expensive cars and watches, we sit back in our comfortable chairs and smile. We know something you don’t my young jedi.

It took a while, but we figured out what women want boys. She wants everything. Or at least the thought of being able to have everything; will sometimes suffice. Here kitty, kitty...

Pictures are from Postsecret