The ZED-HXM4000 Series 2.0 User's Manual

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
ZED-HXM4000: Humanoid Male

Thank you for your purchase of the state of the art ZED-HXM4000 Series 2.0 or ZED for short.

ZED is an advanced model of a long series of homosapien males which have been produced over several versions to-date. The following is a quick summary for the installation and maintenance of the ZED unit. For your continuous pleasure and ease of maintenance, we strongly recommend that you read the manual carefully before usage of the product.

Manufactured by G.O.D (General Opus Division)

System Design Specifications:
- User Friendly
- Self Cleaning (Depending on Mode Selection)
- Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
- Self Portable Operation
- Highly Efficient if properly motivated
- Bi-directional Audio Input/Output
- Prefers Output over Input, and has a 2 megawatt Input suppression capability
- Heat seeking capability for hot CHICKS is pre-installed
- Systems are incapable of high doses of alcohol, nicotine and caffeine
- Low Anger Management Control and may need cooling off period if exploded
- Pleasure senses are highly developed and is capable of going for hours if properly maintained

Production Details:
After basic construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of onside HOME programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since G.O.D uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units. G.O.D quality assurance may reject inferior units. However, users may sometimes salvage rejected units, and this is subject to their own precautions. All rejected units have no warranty coverage and is repaired on best efforts basis only.

Beware of clones or wannabes. These may violate import restrictions.

Installation Procedures:
Upon receiving the ZED unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indicative of the local supplier production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.

Bring the ZED unit to operation in an environment temperature at 27º C (± 3 º tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present.

ZED is a highly complex system which has the ability to relate and interact with its environment and is both an active and passive learner. It is equipped with a neuron net which is able to produce loud noises when excited and will sometimes shut-down due to increased heat, too much interference from a competing model or a due to presence of a WOMEN unit.

The Operating System of ZED have been optimized to operate within the domain of a WOMEN, however it requires periodical ALONE time to operate efficiently. It shall make bored faces and looks of incredulity if expected to do any HOUSE chores and will retaliate if pushed too far. Several ZED units have been terminated due to this error.

Applications:
At present, there are few productivity software applications for the current ZED model. Future enhancements can be expected as the unit is stabilized.

WISEASS is a killer app. This is pre-installed.

Many owners use their ZED unit for completing complex tasks or to kill boredom. ZED units play best when they are fed. Due to various models of WOMEN available the ZED capabilities have been tuned to meet most requirements. Some ZED capabilities are:

WORK
The ZED unit has this ability incorporated into its design and will hunt for WORK when necessary to ensure continued interest by WOMEN

SEX
The standard parameter for the ZED unit is to want to have SEX with all WOMEN that it finds attractive based on its default factory settings. Training and control is required to ensure that the ZED unit is not jumping on all chicks.

SLEEP
Usually after SEX (often almost immediately!)

TALK
Place the unit in front of an audience and it shall automatically TALK. To shut it up, introduce a very good looking WOMEN and it usually will run out of things to say.

EAT
The ZED unit have been programmed for most foods, however will have problems digesting vegetables and drinking milk.

Maintenance:
ZED will self-recharge. This takes 6 to 8 hours in a 24 hour cycle. However insomnia attacks is a common occurence and is fixed with either SEX or TV.

The ZED units are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.

Do not attempt to open a ZED unit. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a DOC.

Warning Notices:
ZED systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, it may befriend just about any good looking chicks especially if under the influence of alcohol. Be prepared to drag the ZED unit to HOME and allow it to reboot. Attempts to lecture the unit will only result in over-heating, the best approach is to leave several sarcastic remarks and allow it to recharge.

ZED units are very hot under the hood and requires frequent shutdown to allow for cooling off periods. Ignore the ZED unit during this period.

If the ZED unit looks depressed do not attempt to CHEER the unit, usually this will only end up in childish laughter with no real effect. Ask the ZED unit what is wrong, and carefully analyze if special care is required. Failing which revert to SEX mode and this would often solve all the bugs.

Do not forget to feed your ZED unit. Major errors may occur due to a hungry ZED unit attempting to operate within its normal parameters. Some say that the way to a ZED heart (if applicable) is through its stomach. So keep your ZED unit well fed.

Lifetime Warranty:
The ZED unit is guaranteed against catastrophic failure. However as users have the ability to infect ZED, nocturnal errors voids the standard warranty.

Documented Problems:
The Ctrl key on most ZED units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.

Do not install a CHICK unit at a site which has an operational ZED unit working. The ZED unit may be distracted and all productivity will drop.

The ZED unit has a wandering EYE problem. It is best to just ignore it, there is no patch for this problem yet.

The ZED unit has the ability to prowl at night so unless SEX is introduced, the unit will turn on its AUTO-HUNT feature and users will have very little control over the unit.

There have been cases of ZED units which has run afoul and executed a BYTE on the neck of its users, please select this feature carefully. It may leave lasting marks.

Contacting ZED Technical Support
Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap submit your Requests for enhancement (RFE), etc. Remember: it's not a bug, it's a user change request. In fact just don't bother sending in your complaints: just like your ZED unit, our technicians won't pay attention either.

We hope that your purchase of the ZED unit is satisfactory and be prepared for the future release of the ZED-HXM5000 which will incorporate complete understanding of WOMEN as a standard feature.