Et tu?

I smiled
I am crying but I smile
I am disillusioned but I smile
I am seething with anger but I smile
I am shattered but I smile
I am poignant but I smile
I am aware of my doom yet I keep my smile
The time has come not to face anger with might
But to serve my revenge deep in winter’s night
When darkness envelopes the laughter of betrayal
And the warmth of passion no longer felt
Specter of loyalty traded with horror
Trepidation prevails
As the angst of treachery haunts the soul
You are my quest
For a lifetime is mere lingering grind
Seek the wrath of my rile
Or
Scurry
I shall be at your door when spring beckons
Only me
Me

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

“Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed”

WEARY with toil, I haste me to my bed
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head
To work my mind, when body’s work’s expir’d:
For then my thoughts—from far where I abide—
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see:
Save that my soul’s imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee, and for myself no quiet find.

William Shakespeare (1564–1616). The Oxford Shakespeare: Poems.

Can’t sleep. Not new. Been that way since time in memorial. Just a night person. Well and good. So be it. Anyway, here I am contemplating the day during the night, and wishing night when it is day. Sleep I can’t, yet awake I am tormented. Well?

This is a good time to stop reading if you are actually looking for some deep insights that might be making any sense. Fair warning has been given. Heed or proceed please only at your own risk.

I had an interesting conversation today.

It was about relationships. How it begins and inevitably how it often ends. Everyone is searching, and while it may make sense to look for the qualities one thinks makes a man or a women, it is also the same qualities that ends a relationship. Man seeks for a women that is caring? He then gets overwhelmed with exactly the same “care” that turned into a ball and chain and ends up having to make an excuse for an exit. She looks for a cool guy and one that is good looking. She ends up hating every moment that he is out on his own, because she knows that he is crowded with so many “other” women exactly because he is cool and good looking! She ends up suffocating the relationship – ending it nonetheless.

Why? Why do we seek for qualities when what we really need is company, conversation and congeniality in a person. Is there more? Sure there is more to a relationship, but it all boils down to two questions.

Two questions? Only? Yes!

The first?

Where are we now, and can we stay in this phase? I just met you. It has only been a few month. I like you, and we agree that we have “chemistry”, but can we not go to the next level yet? But can we still get in bed now? No? Why? Oh really? Okay. Well… we all know where this relationship ended.

Or perhaps it’s a yes! Okay lets get into bed, then the question arises again. Can we move to the next level? No? Why? Well if you went into bed with me that easily, I am not sure I wanna hang around. So really how many guys have you been to bed with? Huh? So many? Wow? It was really nice being with you, but can we just be friends? Hah!

The second?

Where are we heading? We "love" each other and we seem to get along well. Our friends agree and so does our family. It has been two years and I need to know if we are heading into something more serious? Really? Why? Don’t you love me? Marry me! Marry me! The words screams in her head, and he never understands why. Why my dumb bloke of a friend? Why you ask? Because it has been two years you nitwit zigouwit.

(Zed's Note: Yes, I made the word up. You can stop checking the dictionary already! Sheesh...)

The moral of this story?

Absolutely none. I am surprised you made it all the way here!

Now I am trying to get back to sleep. Shhh… be quiet.

The Lockless Door

IT went many years,
But at last came a knock,
And I thought of the door
With no lock to lock.

I blew out the light,
I tip-toed the floor,
And raised both hands
In prayer to the door.

But the knock came again
My window was wide;
I climbed on the sill
And descended outside.

Back over the sill
I bade a “Come in”
To whoever the knock
At the door may have been.

So at a knock
I emptied my cage
To hide in the world
And alter with age.

Robert Frost (1874–1963) From A Miscellany of American Poetry New York, 1920

I feel warm and fuzzy inside. And as I wonder why, I realized. I realized where this warmth is emanating from.

From you! Yes. You!

Thank you for the well wishes, and especially the thoughts. For a moment, perhaps even for a fraction of a second I occupied your thought, and you wished a complete stranger well. For that I thank you. Although I wish that there is more I can give besides a mere thank you, and the time will come someday. My life's wish is for the time when I can stop asking and then one can start giving.

One reason why I like poetry (Zed’s Note: besides trying to sound cool and intelligent... LOL!!) is the fact that every time you read it, it brings new meaning, and everyone has their own interpretation of the same verse. Like this one from Robert Frost, which talks about how he sees the burden of life and his acceptance of it. It all is metaphorical to a door, yet deep within it unlocks the wish of every being.

To not be afraid.

In retrospect bloggers really are poets in their own way, as words fill a page often with the woes of life, and passage of emotions yet always there is that sense of relief that a burden has been transferred from the heart and mind to a page on a website (much like the poets of old, except that they were stuck with pen and paper!)

Well as this old lion gracefully moves on with his life, let him be and let him see – for the words of yore was true before and shall endure as we are mortals and fear drives us forward just as much as it drives us back.

Zed’s Mindless Fact #1:
Did you know that if every human was accounted for since we started documenting history it is estimated that there would be 90 Billion people born into this world – each unique and individual! And there is about 6 Billion people on earth right now.

The Myth?

A bit of romance, a bit of strained loyalty, and lots of fighting action – a formula that have not waned in style nor fame. No, I am not giving up my day job to be a film critique.

However what did I do on my birthday? I watched a Jackie Chan movie. Why? Because I have always wanted to go watch a movie on a working week day at KLCC. So, I took my Friday off and nonchalantly stood in queue and smiled at every passing fellow that I knew. Yup, in my own little way it was retribution to the rat race. That was what I wanted for my birthday and that was exactly what I got.

Then I sipped coffee over at Chinoz just watching time pass by (and not to mention a few chicks really worth watching) in my bermuda’s and tee.

I did have a good laugh though as friends and associates was wondering what I was up to and everyone kinda stopped by asking if everything was all right. It bugs me that most asked really not out of concern but out of curiosity! Did I lose my job? Did something bad happened? It does worry me that we too often take sympathy in others just to make ourselves feel better!

Doing nothing for a day was fun and this may be what I want from life. But can one actually do nothing for a living? Just have nothingness as a goal and as a job? Remember, be careful what you wish for because you might just get it!

In most of my entries I may have been diving off the deep end a bit too much so I have decided to lighten the atmosphere here somewhat. Here’s a story I find quite funny! In case you're wondering it's about the tradition of toasting "Gan Bei!" much like "Yam Seng!" or "Cheers!". During a wedding the couple is expected to go to every table and "bottom's up" with all the guest, a tradition that have taken a good following here in KL too, much to the delight of yours truly.

Once upon a time in China, there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupies only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some American tourists. As the wedding couple hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of 'GAN BEI' gets louder and louder.

One Gwailo gets more and more irritated as the couple keeps getting closer to him.

'GAN BEI.........GAN.........BEI.........!!!' the cheers continued.

Finally, the irritated Gwailo couldn't take it anymore. He stood up on his chair and shouted, "IF YOU CAN'T PAY, IT'S OK! THEN LET ME PAY FOR U!"

(Zed’s Note: The joke was taken off the net, with some modifications and Jo, you really are to be blamed for this! You got me hunting for the material… LOL! Oh by the way in case you are wondering, go ahead and watch The Myth, it’s not great but it’s no waste of time either.)

Cheers.

The lull before the storm.

Weeks even days before. We all know when it’s going to happen.

Like birds that flies away and herds of beast that roams absent sensing danger ahead, such is life. We all have the ability to sense danger well before it strikes.

This is a gift, one that we seldom know we possess.

We often can tell that a storm is arriving. Have you noticed that usually after a life altering experience like an accident, a heart attack or perhaps even the triumph of achieving something that you have longed for, you realize that deep inside - you knew?

Yes, you knew that something really bad (or sometimes good) is about to happen. This is the gift that everyone has - but you have to listen. You look out for the signs and you know deep in you that everything is about to change. Things will no longer be the same. We often like to call this ability our instinct – our sixth sense.

Is it really a sixth sense? No. I am sorry to disappoint, but there is no such sense. We learn to sense, much like we learn how not to touch a hot kettle, over time our experience tells us exactly what we need to know – albeit subconsciously but it is always there. We convert this subliminal messages into what we call instinct.

Why do I say this? Well I get paid for using my “instinct”. My gut feel. I don’t crunch numbers, I don’t fix equipments, nor do I teach others – I am paid to provide my “opinions” validated only by my “gut”. Pretty cool? I beg to differ. I would like to think that I am like a weatherman. Not a fortune-teller, but a weatherman. Whom unfortunately is not always right.

I forecast. Do I guess? No. I learn to read the signs. I understand human faces and I understand human voices – not what is seen nor heard, but what is in between. Because of this I know that the respite I enjoy is transient not unlike the lull before a storm. I sense the gale brewing. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and I know the inevitable is exactly what it is - inevitable.

Alone I shall face it, and alone I shall bear the consequence. Now the question is, what the heck am I doing here?

(Zed's Note: Just felt like rambling today, but I guess that is what a blog is all about sometimes. Hmmm...)

Fiction's Friction

“Fantasy is just reality in a different land, speaking a different language”

Zed Ezekiel

Well the tale ended.

Not with a bang, but it fizzled out. Why? Because reality is a drag!

(Zed’s Note: Have you been to The Ship over at Jalan Bukit Bintang? Upstairs, a place called The Captain’s Cabin, go over on a Friday and check out the drags putting on a show. My tip? Order something stiff, and drink fast! What if you don’t drink? Is smoking pot still illegal here? Okay then you’ll just have to rough it out. Sorry!)

Real life? We are constantly looking for the fairy tale that we grew up with, from “Once upon a time” all the way to “…and they lived happily ever after!”. Well guess what? I am sorry to be the one bursting your bubble, but last time I checked Snow White was still stuck with the dwarfs, and Rumpelstiltskins is not spinning yarns of gold.

Truth to be told is that we all strive for happiness, and gloom during moments of despair. But this is the fact - for there will not be happiness if there is no sadness to compare it with. It is interesting that we have to go through pain, to really appreciate the joys of pleasure. I thank god for what I have, and I seek forgiveness for my greed.

I thank you for having spent some time reading the story, it may not be much but it is what it is so I am glad we all got over it. Why? So I can babble about other irrelevant things in life.

By the way, today I seek your attention to this entry by totoro - which highlights a story that I feel is a must read. It also shares the pain that Jacqueline went through (and still is going through). Be mindful of the pictures, but I think its necessary to send the point across.

Cheers.

Thanks baby for the title... I like!

v. Fidelity wasn't just a tune.

I am not sure about this. This was my deal, but now when it’s my turn, I feel like a thousand eyes are watching, and even though you can’t see me, I still am worried that I might make a fool of myself. I didn’t realize it was this difficult. When he does it, it looks so easy and now when I am actually writing this, eerrmmmm.

Well, ready or not here it comes.

I have written and rewritten this story so many times. It just keeps getting more confusing. Every time I edit it, it gets more baffling.

At least I can count on him to edit it. The deal is he can’t edit the story, only spelling and grammar. Well, a deal is a deal. Okay guys (Zed’s Note: Have you noticed that when we write or talk, we are more inclined to address the opposite sex? Guys and Gals my dear…) here is the deal.

I was sitting with my friends waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive. We just got off work, and decided to meet for a few drinks. It was basically supposed to be just a few of us, but you know how it is. You invite one friend, and she invites another and before you know it you have a crowd. I arrived early, because I hate traffic, and I was actually quite near.

(Zed’s Note: And that is why you end up waiting most of the time, I keep telling her this! Okay folks, I have a quota of only three Zed’s Note so am going to keep the last one for the end of the story! However, I have no quota on how long my notes can be! LOL)

Lucky me I had both my best friends with me, so I don’t have that “awkward wait”, at least that’s what I call it. I would rather wait in the car, rather then be in a club alone. Men don’t understand this. No matter how strong we look, we are ladies, and ladies are ladies – if only someone teach them manners, they would probably have some idea. Anyway, before I digress again (I still feel like someone is reading over my shoulder!) let me give you my version of what happened.

We arrived at the club, and decided to take the table outside. It fits more people, and I don’t have to handle guys staring at me. Girls, I am sure you know what I mean. Some jerks just look at you all night and think that they are Rambo or something. This is one reason why I don’t like going out. I don’t think I am pretty, and I am surely not a model – and I don’t need another ten guys walking up to me to tell me what I am not. Sheesh!

So we sat down, and I noticed this guy who caught my eye and smiled. Well, (and by now, I have read Zed’s entry so this is my version okay) I felt that here’s another joker trying to get lucky. Damn hi hi hi…

I think I may have smiled, at least that is what Zed insists, but I don’t remember smiling! Sorry dear! LOL. The way he writes it, you might think that the evening may have lasted like the whole night! Actually if memory serves me right, it was probably about an hour or so. Hi hi leave it to Zed to “stretch” the whole thing. Anyway, I don’t think I can write like him, so I shall get straight to the point. I was ordering my drinks (and I especially liked the “interpretation” Zed has on his idea of women looking at guys when they order drinks! I think I must have had dust in my eyes or something, and accidentally looked his way, ROTFL!) and Zed came over. He looked clumsy and as if this was the first time talking to women or something, and Zed if you were acting, demmm you are good! I felt like there is no harm. We are early, and my girlfriends and I are in a naughty mood. So we started chatting. I didn’t really realize Zed’s so called stunt, about walking away and coming back but I have to admit when I read his version – I feel tricked! So this is my chance for revenge LOL.

Anyway, he called me a few weeks back and said he wanted to write about what happened, and my first question was - what happened? You see, nothing happened that night, so I felt that hmmm… how much harm can come out of this. Then he went and included my name. Cannot laa… like that. So I called Zed and we came to this deal. I get to write the end of the story, so whatever he writes I get to give my version of it right? And in return he cannot use my name, but can only write about me until end of September. So he has one month to write about me, and by end of September I can write the closing. Anyway, this is a bit early (and Zed said he is out of idea, hmmm that is hard to believe!), and the other reason I agreed is because Zed’s birthday is this month, and he insisted that this is his birthday gift. Sheesh, if I knew writing is this difficult, I would have been better to get a pressy lah.

So you must be wondering if the story is true?

Actually, the facts are okay lah, not too much exaggeration. I have known Zed for a few months now, and since that evening I am one of his “buds”. He calls me that because he said he don’t believe in platonic relationships and the only way we can be friends is if he treats me like a guy! Zed I still don’t get this LOL. Is Zed a chicskaholic? Well, I think he is easy to get comfortable with. I like that he can take my day apart, reassemble it and suddenly my confusion makes sense. I don’t know how to explain this, but Zed can see through problems better then most people, so I guess hanging out with him helps me solve my problem. Okay Zed, I said nice things about you already… (Happy Birthday early!)

Anything else? Errmmmm… let me see. I am not supposed to talk about details, so it’s a bit difficult. I am supposed to write about that evening, but the way I see it, I am done. So that’s it.

In case you didn’t notice, yes it’s me – the so called Brown Eyes.

XXX

(Zed’s Note: Hmmm… where do I even begin? Phew! Okay, first of all thank you Brown Eyes for keeping to the deal and not being too nasty in your story! Have you ever tried to get someone else to write? It’s like trying to get a raging bull to get his jabs. By now, you may have guessed it. Yes, Brown Eyes and me are just friends. We have been for a while now, and yes I do treat her like one of the guys.

Any other way? I may end up in a spot where I may have trouble getting out of. I meant it when all I wanted was to have a chat with her that evening. What is more complimenting for a guy then to be hanging out with a hot babe? (No! I wasn’t referring to you Brownie... LOL) Can’t think of anything else.

Platonic relationships? It's just a mask for "when do we get into bed"? A holding pattern.

Okay, that is the end of this story. I hope it's amusing, because that is the way it's meant to be. I have a few more stories running around in my head, so I may write about those. I think I shall call this tale - Brown Eyes with a Twist.)

Totoro tagged and I retorted

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. Try to beat aequeosalinocalcalinoceraceoaluminosocupreovitriolic (52 letters), attributed to Dr Edward Strother (1675-1737) as the longest English word that made it to the Oxford dictionary
2. Build a Tour 18 Golf Course right here in KL, Tour 18 is a golf course designed after the US PGA Tour and takes the best holes from several course and puts it together in one (eg. Amen Corner from Augusta, Island Green from Pebbles…)
3. Get over all my addictions
4. Give away RM 1,000 anonymously to 100 poor people every month for 10 years
5. Act in a Hollywood Movie! But as one of those “bad-guy extra’s” standing in the background, preferably a 007 flick. Then get shot, and have a full 10 seconds “dying” part.
6. See all my children be successful
7. Fly around the world, by myself and disappear in the act of doing so, and people will have to wonder for a long time what the heck happened to Zed

Seven things I could do now:

1. Lose some kilos (took this from totoro, unedited)
2. Grow a bit taller (this one too!)
3. Renovate my home (and this one)
4. Go holiday in Kunming for Golf (okay, edited a bit here)
5. Write a book, or a blog (still the same)
6. Eat another burger (damn totoro… you are making it too easy!)
7. Let LaidBare ride me until I can die. Opps... (okay, who’s LaidBare?)
   

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Angeline Jolie (like you can’t guess?)
2. and as part of the cure for chickaholism, I am supposed to stick to one crush at a time… so next six names shall be the same (Hmmm... I wonder how long this will last???)

Seven often repeated words:

1. Damn
2. Yikes!
3. Okay, all the rest will just have to be symbolized… $%$@#!@^>?<& There may be kids reading this!

Seven traits I look for in the opposite sex:

1. Actually if I can make the list seven, I impress myself! I would settle for a hottie with brains that just couldn’t get enough… Hmmm, I wonder?

When enough is just too much

You know when you were small, and you asked mom for your favorite candy? My mom had an interesting way of weaning me off these nasty habits. She would go out and buy a whole box of the same candy. As much as they would be able to sell her anyway. And then she would stuff the fridge with it. I usually never had the crave for the same candy ever again! Eating the same everyday, one gets a natural turn-off for these enamel obliterating sweeties.

This was how I grew up, and oftentimes how I conduct myself when I like something. I don’t dwell in mediocre moderation, I dive into the deep-end and ask, “That’s all you’ve got?”. No, I am not doing one of those Freudian “I have to attribute everything wrong with my life on mom” stunts, but I had an interesting weekend when I suddenly realized that I had enough of everything - that what’s missing became an enigma.

Am I too contented? Am I not thankful, as I probably should be counting my blessings rather then bitch about having too much? Have I lost my sense of adventure? I asked myself all these questions.

I realized this as I was nursing my SurfinTVnaholic, and found that I couldn’t do it anymore. Not for a second more.

I have had enough of TV, and I ponder if this placid existential activity should be taboo! From AXN all the way to MTV, nothing could keep me glued. I was dumbfounded, what happened? Then I decided that maybe I was too slack, and decided to get into my shorts and shoes for a run.

I ran.

Twenty five minutes later sweaty and drained, I still felt that something was missing. I walked a bit more, and hoped that it will come to me. What am I missing? What is nagging on the coat-tails of my soul that I should be paying attention to? I am as lost as I was at the beginning of this quest.

Flummoxed and mystified I realized one thing though. My mind was on overdrive. I was reeling from my thoughts of looking at myself in the third-party so much, that I became conscious of the obsessions that haunts me. I was writing about me, hence I had some sort of an out-of-body experience! This is daunting. I am scared of me! I fear what I say about myself. And now with all of you reading about me, I feel like there is this huge magnifying glass burning into my being. I am sorry that you are reading this entry, but I felt that the only way I can find peace for now is to profess my fears. Did this make sense? I wouldn’t know. But did it make me feel better? Well it is better then the TV and running, I’ll give it that. So my conclusion? Perhaps there will come a time, when enough is actually too much.

And when I logged on to post this entry, what did I find? Totoro tagged me! Well, I guess when in Rome… (Zed’s Note: Right back at’cha Totoro, a riposte for your tag coming soon! LOL)

Cheers.

Zed's rehabilitation is in progress

Captain's Log:
Friday, 16th September 2005 somewhere around the midst of the cyber-city after being chased by a little red kancil, who thinks that she is the only person late for work.

_______________________________________________________________________

I am happy to report some progress based on my first therapy session. It was grueling, and long as usually is the case when it's the first time (so how was your first time? LOL). I actually decided to go to bed before midnight yesterday! However, the thoughts of all these bloggers out there happily bloggin' away did bug me for a while before I finally managed to lull into my slumber.

(Zed’s Note: MIV, I managed to get the forms because apparently my friend knows someone, who knows this person whom married someone 23 years older then her - who is a big shot somewhere, and they got me the forms!)

However, as part of the program, I was given an assignment. I had to write the top ten things I like about blogging that keeps me doing it. It’s part of a self awakening process apparently. So I did it. Here’s my list.

1. I meet new people
2. I don’t have to wear pants to meet them
3. I get some “escapism” time from the real world
4. Interesting stories are abound
5. I get to be “kepochi” and nose around
6. I get to stand on a soapbox, and get my points across (like totoro said!)
7. I look like I am working (for hours!), hence scoring brownie points
8. I am in control
   (Zed's Note: I have the attention span of a gnat, and the speed of a bee that stung itself *silly bee!* – so I move at my own pace)
9. I don’t have to look like I am interested, only if I am then usually we drop notes, right?
10. I have the freedom of expression, without being tied down by the bias of stereotyping

Tomorrow we may have to do the top ten things we don’t like about blogging. Hmmm… I wonder if these things have got cheat codes?

Anyway, I was late today because I was interviewing a candidate for this post we have here, and I have to admit – I was impressed. It is very seldom you find a local candidate that would be all rounded, and yet not pound his chest like he is King Kong and has just uprooted Eiffel Tower.

This is a common problem.

Good individuals are lacking humility, and the humble ones - are actually swallowing their pride and compromises on principles. To strike a balance is a challenge, perhaps I found the right man for the job (so please do not send in applications folks, job is taken – I hope?). This afternoon would not be fun. We have a board meeting on a Friday afternoon, which wise ass actually thought of that? I have to present, so am going to pretend to look aloof, and cry wolf. It always gets attention and sometimes even a promotion!

(Zed’s Note: Okay am on rambling mode now, so better check out before sustaining more damage!)

A tip on how to look smarter then you are

Look at the person straight in the eye throughout the conversation, never interrupt, and about 3 topics later in your own words repeat exactly what his/her point of view was. You will come out of it looking like you cared, and since you share the same point of view, have you met anyone calling themselves stupid lately?

Obviously not, so the fella will think “Hmmm, what a bright person this Zed is, not only does he care, but he actually says some pretty smart things. Maybe I should listen to him a bit more!”

Okay folks, it was really nice chatting but it’s a weekend ahead and it’s Friday so remember – no drinking and driving, and have a great sunny weekend.

Cheers.

Hi! My name is Zed and I am a Bloggerholic!

Seriously folks, this is an addiction. The fact that I have "compulsive neurotic disorder" doesn’t help either. When I get into something, there really isn’t a middle road for me, it is always all or nothing.

Now?

I wake up, and look at the blogs. I go to work, I look at the blogs. I stay up all night looking at blogs. I walk around thinking about the blogs I read, and what I want to write about in my blog. Help! Get me out of here!

(Zed’s Note: ROTFLMAO)

Well, historically I have had many addictions - some I have overcame, others haunt me until today. The following is a quick list of some of them.

Ciggyholic
Cigarholic
Alcoholic
Barhoppingaholic
Chocoholic
Chickscoholic
Bookaholic
Workaholic
Golfaholic
Sleepoholic
CSInaholic
SurfinTVaholic
AngelinaJoliecaholic
Smartassoholic

And of course my latest addition

Bloggerholic

So I have decided to attend Bloggers Anonymous and get myself patched up. Until then, let me see if I can get this fixation under control!

Cheers!

iv. The edge of reason is maddening.

Brown Eyes is attractive. There is no doubting that. I feel like the whole club is looking at us, and at me with envy. I brushed her hands slightly as I put her drink down. She gave me a sly smile.

Things are going well.

This is when it is most difficult. So many options and choices to make. Is it as simple as getting her number, and putting the trophy on my mantle or is it acting in good conscious knowing that what goes around comes around?

We chatted as if we were good friends whom have not met each other for the longest time – and yet we just met not an hour ago. She laughs at my not so funny stories, and tells me about how much she enjoys her recent vacation. If only women knew that all a man has is his pride, and nothing makes him feel better then a smile - the world would be a better place.

Brown Eyes is getting to me. I can feel it. I told her that I am into blogging nowadays, and how I enjoyed the freedom it has given me. She said she don't write well and is too fragile to take the criticisms that comes with others reading her journals, but she likes to read though. I find her honesty refreshing, and I took her bait like a starving piranha, and started to tell her all about the joys of writing.

Then I realized that I have been doing too much of the talking. She is a good listener, her eyes never left mine. So I decided to turn the spotlight on her.

She works for a fashion house during the day, and sings after hours. Whoops! Alarm bells went off in my head. Sings after hours? Karaoke perhaps? All this went through my head like a bullet train on steroids. I know of the fashion house she spoke about, and do admire their work. It is one of the few local brands that have made it international. This should be the case, we are a creative lot, but often lack the confidence to trust our instincts. I didn’t expect the second part though. She doesn’t look like she needs to moonlight at all. I try not to judge others, for fear of being judged myself, but really sometimes it is impossible not to.

I am very curious, but decided to keep my cool. So I asked her if it's her day off from performing or, does she have to go to work later?

She said "Zed, I hope you don't tell anyone this, but..."

I was at the edge of my seat, and I hope that she couldn’t see me gripping my chair, it may still have my impression in it!

For you my Princess

I swim but I sink
I fly but I fall
I sing but I appall
I smile but I lie
I seek but I perish
I love but I ache
I hope but I despair

But for you my Princess, I will do it all.

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

7 Malaysians kill themselves every day

1,700 suicides so far this year
Annie Freeda Cruez KUALA LUMPUR, Sun. NST

Suicides are taking a terrible toll on Malaysians with nearly 1,700 lives lost between January and Aug 31 this year.

(... NST)

The ministry’s health education division senior assistant director Wan Rokman Wan Yaacob said the most common forms of suicide in Malaysia were poisoning with pesticides and herbicides, hanging, jumping from buildings and drowning. "Recently, carbon monoxide poisoning from exhaust fumes of vehicles has been increasing," he told the New Straits Times in an interview in conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day 2005, which Malaysia is observing tomorrow.

He attributed suicides to many complex and inter-related causes including poverty, unemployment, loss of loved ones, breakdown in relationships and a family history of suicide. (for the full article, please visit the NST archives...) He said early detection of school children with emotional, behavioural and academic problems could help them cope with such problems.

On the effect of media coverage of occurrences of suicides, he said that there was a link that had been identified some time ago. He said there was evidence that sensational reporting with details of methods used in suicide could lead to imitation suicides.

Meanwhile, it is learnt that at least one person commits suicide a day in Singapore with an average of 13 a day in Thailand.

______________________________________________________

Will someone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Here is an article which is oxymoronic at best! On one hand it tells you how to go and kill yourself, and then explains oops sorry, that's the whole reason why people are jumping off buildings. Annie? What is wrong with you? Slap the news on Page 1, and then wonder why we have 7 people commiting suicide? News Straits Times have really gone down the gutters. I should have followed my own advice and stick to blogging.

Anyway, my take on this? Who hasn"t contemplated suicide? Who hasn't said that enough is enough? Who hasn't wish that at some point of their life, there isn't a tomorrow?

Why didn't we do it?

Because we have a reason to live, and because we still believe in god. Take the two away, and what do you have left?

Exhaust fumes.

Cheers.

Licensed to Chill

Had a great trip down to Jakarta.

One picture of a golf course will be the same as the next so I won't bore you with too many pictures of courses. The one here is at Bukit Pelangi. A great course with nice fairways, slick greens, and very subtle breaks. The Mines is child's play compared to this course. I had at least 6 regulation on's and managed to only convert half of it. A course up in the hills, so Bukit Pelangi has a nice cooling breeze while the sun showers you throughout the game. Shot a 92 with 3 pars, and interestingly enough played exactly the same score at Chenkareng.

The toad is the 150m marker at Chenkareng, and he cracks me up! The course is a resort course just 5 minutes from the airport. A golfing trip to Jakarta without Chenkareng is a real loss. Once you have played there you'll know what I mean. It has a feel good effect, and since it's a walking course, I suggest that you don't exert yourself too much early in the game.

I went around in the Bajaj (pronounced ba-jaie) a few times, and find the ride hair raising. Not something I would recommend if you are not familiar with Jakarta though, or if you are traveling alone.

The other thing I really enjoy at Jakarta is the food. The following are a couple of restaurants that I recommend highly. They are very popular, and any taxi driver should be able to get you there. (Also would recommend the Silver Bird or Blue Bird taxies only, as they have a good reputation, and goes strictly by the meter - most of the time)

Hotel Borobudur

Sop Bontot! Don't let the name freak you out. Its actually oxtail soup or "Sup Ekor". You have not tasted oxtail soup, until you have had it at Hotel Borobudur. It is acclaimed as the best in Jakarta, and having tasted it, I know why. Melts in your mouth, and with less fat then the average soup we have here in KL, it comes without the guilt. Do not be in Jakarta and miss out on this treat.

Pondok Sedap Malam

Seafood galore. One of the best seafood restaurant I have been to. The catch is fresh, and cooked at your request. Careful with the chili as it has a pretty good sting to it.

Dapur Sunda

If you have tried the Sundanese Restaurant in KLCC, then you will be able to appreciate the “Dancing Fish” that is a popular dish when it comes to Sundanese cuisine. Here is the original recipe. A night out here will send you back to KL thinking how the Sundanese have got it made. It is also said that the most beautiful women in Indonesia are the Sunda’s. I have to admit, they are right.

Garuda

Forget all the Nasi Padang you have tried. This is the real thing. Padang is a place in Indonesia, and is not to be mistaken for “field” which is what Padang means. The fried chicken here is one that I will be missing until my next trip back.

Medan Baru

Rumah Makan Medan Baru
Jalan Krekot Bunder
No. 65, Jakarta

I had to include the address for this one as it really is where the locals go. It's Achehnese, and not something we are normally accustomed to. However, I can assure you that you will take immediate liking to it. It has the best Fish Head Curry in the region, and being laced with "ganja" obviously helps! We had a blast at this joint, and between us, I think seven fish sacrificed their heads. When you are here look for Pak Ibrahim (he owns the place), and mention that Pak Steven sent you there - VIP treatment you shall enjoy.

I have to thank Pak Steven, Pak Hendrok and Pak Andi for having taken very good care of us. Guys you are the best host, and friend a man can find! Also, thank you Pak Hendrok for the blog title.

As for the next episode of what happened with Brown Eyes, I have included an update. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Cheers.

iii. The tables are turning.

She had dreamy eyes, hair down to her shoulders, long inviting neck and a million watt smile with a nice laugh to complement. Her skin was fair, with a body that screams "I was at the gym five minutes ago"! I can't help thinking that either she is on a "break" from guys, or there is a lucky soul somewhere that could be assured that his girl could hold her own. I never asked if she is single. I don't want to know, not yet.

I stood and extended my hands to Brown Eyes. She took it, and we shake. I left my hand out longer then necessary, and brushed her gently. Then I looked over to her friends and nodded my goodbye. I wanted Brown Eyes to feel special. Women are interesting this way. If they feel that you want them, they want you to acknowledge it. It's reaffirming perhaps?

As I turn to walk over to my table, I noticed Brown Eyes taking a quick sweeping look from my face down to my shoes. This is good. Women check men out. And besides the obvious, they oftentimes look for good taste. Your watch? Belt? Shoes? It makes who you are. They are not looking for brands, or expensive goods - just good taste. A man with a Tag Hauer, Rolex, Seiko, Guess it matters not. What matters is how the whole package comes together.

Why did I walk away?

Because, when a women think that they have you, the only option they have is to keep shopping. This is a design fault. Women doesn't settle on a choice as easy as we guys do. We see women as fickle, actually it's just a way of ensuring the survival of the species. If women makes bad decision, we have bad offspring, and lousy gene pools. So they have to keep shopping until they are satisfied that they either have no more options, or they settle on the fact that you are it.

If I hang around and keep talking, I might as well get on all four and go "Woof! Woof!" and wait for her to say "Fetch!", as I would never be able to hold her attention because she needs to keep a look out for other guys out there. I need to give her this space, and let her realize that the rest of the crowd are just horny, testosterone loaded mutts that is looking for a quick shag, which often is the case anyway. Sometimes, I wonder why men never realize this. It just makes it so easy.

As I walked, my buds was smiling and laughing. I turned to look at Brown Eyes and gave her a reassuring look "Our secret is safe my dear... I don't kiss and tell". One of my friends wanted to give me a high five. Don't, don't even think about it. As much as women love to be a trophy (or being considered worthy of being a trophy) they do not want to be treated like one. I shook my friend's hand instead. I took my seat, and pretended to make interesting conversation. I looked animated. I always have Brown Eyes at the corner of my eye, and I wanted her to see this. A few other fella’s tried their "luck" some even stayed long and kept pressing - obviously trying on lines after lines. But I have left Brown Eyes curious and challenged. Is she not worthy? Maybe I am just an asshole? Perhaps my girl is coming. She kept an eye on me too.

Brown Eyes played with her phone. A couple of text messages, and a few phone calls. She is telling me that she has friends too. The crowd is picking up, and soon someone may interest her more then me, or her guy friends may arrive. Timing is everything. In life, and believe it or not - in death.

I find that women are usually amongst one of these three when they are out and about.

1. They are out with their boyfriend or a guy she has a crush on
2. They came with colleagues celebrating something or just with casual friends
3. They are on a girl's night out

Look out for number 1, and stay away! Not a chance in hell, because to prove to their "guy" they are worthy, the best way is to reject another poor slob. And the rejection has to be obvious - preferably one that attracts attention! You don't want to be the slob - trust me.

As for 2 and 3? Perfect. Then it's all about chemistry. Please don't confuse chemistry with "you are my soul mate, and I want to have your child!". Chemistry is "this is a decent bloke, somewhat interesting and a bit of a gentleman. Maybe i should get to know him a bit more". Diving into the deep end rushes the conclusion, and now you will have to make a choice. Love at first sight? Leave that for Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Patience is a virtue money can never replace.

I am confident that Brown Eyes is on 2. She arrived early, and it looks to me like there will be more to come as they chose a table bigger then they needed. Also, the fact that she is not dressed to kill says a lot. On a girl's night out, the babes are outdoing one another. Guys? Usually we are road kill, just means to an end. Women are extremely competitive, we mistake this for passion, possessiveness, love, and jealousy. The root of it all is to keep other women from dipping into her men's crown jewels, and breed a competing brood.

I knew I had to get back to Brown Eyes, before she thinks I am not interested. I walked to her table, almost skipping this time - just to show her how happy I am to be back with her. I took my seat, as if I belong and that I have known her forever. This is when I asked Brown Eyes if she would let me buy her a drink. Her friends are happily chatting away, and it felt like there was only the two of us there. In the crowd that we were in, we were alone.

Our eyes met, and I know. I know that Brown Eyes is lonely.

(Zed's Note: Who isn't? Who can say that I am truly fulfilled, that I am happy with all I have, and want no more. If you are out there, say hello. I would like to meet you, and ask you your secret!)

I can choose. I can turn the table to my advantage and make a romantic gesture, or I could...

I am out of here!

Heading to Jakarta.

Business and golf. Am really looking forward to play Bukit Pelangi on Saturday, and Chengkaring, Sunday. Will be off line for the next few days, and will post updates when back.

Was hanging out at Slippery Senoritas (Zed's Note: Thanks Jo!) over at the Curve earlier. Not much of a joint, but I realized that it's just next to Fitness First. So this is probably a good plus for an average pub. The view of the ladies coming in and out of the club adds a bit of colour to an otherwise lackluster ambiance. Food was okay, and plentiful to choose from.

Got some interesting comments, but I probably was asking for it.

This is the price of blogs, as anonymous comments sometimes arrive taking pot shots. Civilized manners just dissipates when one presumes they are not seen.

Anyway, I have seen it plenty in other blogs, so seeing it here just means that my little space have grown up - and is being read. I do hope you enjoy it here, and if you don’t? Well that would be my fault, not yours.

Cheers.

At Journey's End

I think and I do
I work and I hope
I live and I dream
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I pray for heaven and I seek forgiveness
I cherish the moment and I enjoy my blessings
I love all and hope to be loved
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I cry when I am sad
I laugh when I am happy
I shout when I am angry
But alas, how arrogant am I
As I am at journey's end
The next second belongs not to me

I know now
I am merely a soul
I exist not because of me
But alas, when realization struck me
As I am at journey's end
The next second will never be up to me

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

Oops, Sorry!

The last entry didn't sink in very well with a few quarters. Apparently, I am not so anonymous after all. Well, we are in the midst of a story, so I managed a compromise. No names. What a waste, it really is a good name.

Anyway, am going back to read mode for a while. Gotta catch up on the latest from some of those cool blogs out there.

Cheers.

ii. And she smiled, my smile.

I saw her head turn towards me, and I must have smiled unconsciously. And then she smiled. My smile, I could tell from a hundred miles that it was my smile. Not one of those fake, polite gestures, just because someone is staring kinda smile, but a real smile. With the eyes. A smile is in the eye, not on the lips. The smile was for me, not anyone else. I am on air at this point. Floating.

In my head, the racket of the place fell dead. Time slowed down. Everything but her was a blur. This is the nice side-effect of adrenalin. I got off my chair, and walked slowly towards her. In my head I decided to call her Brown Eyes, for obvious reasons. I knew others were watching. Everyone likes to see someone else humiliated. It's the roots of reality shows, and freak shows like "World's Greatest Videos". I don't care. This is about Brown Eyes, and what she thinks of me.

I came by her table, and approached her from her side. Never approach a lady from her front. It's confrontational, and gets her into a flight or fright mode, none of which would be helpful. Approach from the side, left or right it doesn't matter, but let her turn towards you in a relaxed manner, and acknowledge your presence. I said "Hi, my name is Zed and I noticed you coming in with your friends, do you mind if I join you for a minute?" then just let the words hang. Don't try to get her to say yes, or say a line which she obviously heard before. She is waiting for the line, "the pitch". The ensuing silence did catch Brown Eyes by surprise, as it registered in her face, and her friends faces I noticed.

She is evaluating her options, while her friends were being naughty, pinching her arms. She could either tell me to f*** off, and say that they are waiting for some other guys to join, or she could say "Sure have a seat". This is more unnerving for her, then it is for me. She is trying to decide her entire future based on this decision. Am I the person she wants to be seen with? Am I taken? Am I just another player? Me? I just want to have a chat.

Then she nodded. Just a nod. Very subtle.

I said thanks, and pulled a chair next to her. She smelled like a thousand roses. I love that in a women. Ladies should smell nice. Her friends were giggling, naturally. She had a fantastic name, but lets stick to Brown Eyes <for reason's that apparently is quite obvious names had to be removed, sorry folks - got into a bit of a jam for this one. yikes!> But I didn't compliment her on her name.

(Zed's Note: The worst way to impress a lady is by complimenting them on something they had nothing to do with, albeit their name, looks or figure - its cheap, uncreative and lame. If you want to say something nice, talk about her dress, her blinky gadgets, her shoes, even her perfume. It's something she chose, and it reflects good taste and shared interest, how wrong can you be?)

We spent some time going through the necessary pleasantries. How often are you here? Where do you work? How about your friends? Are you colleagues? I find her funny, this I enjoyed. Her friends we supportive, and that is important, as women needs validation. About half a drink later, I told her that I need to join my friends, and that I shall be back. There is a dumbfounded look all around. Brown Eyes gave me a weird look. Aren’t we hitting it off? Don't I want her number?

(Zed’s Note: At this point it would be good to refer to my previous entry last August – What women want?)

This is a gamble. One I shall explain.

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920

Am zombified since the last entry. Slept at 3pm Monday, and woke up at 9am Tuesday for a meeting at 10am. After a whole day of meetings, I had a fender bender at 5pm. I realized one thing though. I need an anger management course. Seriously.

I feel like huddling back into my little hole in the wall, and just sit tight. I do think I am a hazard to society as a whole. I came out of my car, and blew my top over really just a minor dent. Still, would cost me 200 bucks to fix, but the way I handled the situation - is embarrassing.

Maybe I was tired, perhaps it was the stress, or just the fact that I was rushing. However, there is no excuse for my behaviour. This incident really reminds me of Becker Channel 70. To just make things worst I left my power cable in the office, so there I was in Starbucks, KLCC all geared up with a laptop that has no juice.

Today, I was at the Jalan Bandar Police Station. Folks, did you know that all traffic incident must be reported at this Station only? I did.

Here are some directions
Take the road to Puduraya Bus Station, heading towards Dayabumi, turn into Jalan H.S. Lee. This is the second left after Jalan Sultan, and Puduraya Bus Station is on your right. Be sure not to miss the turn, so drive slow, and keep an eye out for the junction. Once on H.S. Lee go straight to the end. The Station is on your right.

I shall definitely continue my story on what happened that fateful evening with the lady in white. I need some time to frame my mind. On other fronts, I submitted my bid on Monday, and had a few screw ups which could have been executed better, but I have to admit. As upset as I am, fact is - no one is perfect, me especially.

I am sorry to the person that ran into my car.
I am sorry to my team for blowing my top, and thank them for still being there.
I am sorry that you guys are actually reading this, but I thank you too.

As Frost so eloquently put, I choose the path less traveled by many, and in my own way, am paying the price for it. As the roads diverge daily for you and I, we choose and hope that we made the right choice. The end of the journey is not for me to tell. I know what I want, I know not what shall be.

Cheers.

i. Interesting or Interested?

I noticed she was looking.

Maybe touching her hair a little bit? She turned to face my direction, and we exchanged glances. If it wasn't someone interesting, well I wouldn't be interested - a case of adrenalin just came down the hatch.

I wait for the inevitable smile, one that says "come... talk to me and I will tell you my name and if I like you, maybe we could talk and I could then decide whether or not I should give you my number" It feels like eternity. The guys at my table noticed her too, I wonder what they are thinking in their head. At least everyone agrees she's hot.

Now who is she with?

The first elimination point. The minute I saw her, my instincts kicked in and I looked around. Ahh... Three friends. Why do hot babes, travel with two dingle-berries? Have you noticed this? There is always only one really hot babe in a group of three chicks. My MCP logic says that two hot women can't be together as they are territorial, and "colder" ones *ehem* won't mind the good looking guys anyway, because the hot chick always ends up with the ugly jerk!

(Zed's Note: if you don't know what MCP is - you're my friennndddd! ROTFL)

Good looking guys, go for volume as after a while - a lay is a lay, and who cares about hay, when you can have them any day! (it rhymes! Yea!)

So I had to find an angle. Can’t just go up to her with a line – only works if you are 6’ 3” pretending to be drunk, and has puppy eyes.

I waited.

This is actually the fun part. She’s shopping, and you are hunting. Both are not sure. Is he the best I can do tonight? She wonders. I usually don’t care. Considering the market nowadays, a chat is better then none. Besides, the more effort you put into it, the more likely you will fail. You really can’t force chemistry – if it is meant to be, it will be.

If you wait for more then the first drink, you have totally lost your opportunity. In her mind she is thinking “Didn’t I show interest in him? What the hell is he waiting for? A red carpet? Men… always looking for the best, but don't have the guts to come up to talk to me - and be a man!”

She is pulling the “I am with my friends and we are funny, look at me routine”. Laughing, smiling and basically trying to be all around cute. Works all the time. Only problem is, usually the wrong guy comes up to her. Always the wrong guy. I had to move. It's been awhile, and everyone is already checking her out. Not unlike an innocent sheep walking right into the lion’s den. A short sleeve body hugging white tee, and blue jeans. Very chic and simple. Always better. If only women knew, it is always natural good looks that gets the men, if you want boys? Well, show some skin.

She orders her drink. I always, always know that if a women turns to you just as she orders her drink, you are in! Yup, it’s just the natural caring instinct they have. It goes like this - “I am ordering a drink, and there is a guy over there that I like, I wonder if he wants a drink too?”

And then, she turns her head ever so slightly towards me. Yes!

Well… that's all I have. For now.

The Blog Title is from a good friend,
thanks dear, you know who you are!

O Captain! My Captain!

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

Am on the last leg of preparing my bid. Have worked through two weekends and Merdeka, had the entire crew rowing all the way and some have rebelled and jumped ship. The pain of what I have went through, the toll on my physical being and emotional state is one that I have never experience before.

I have to admit, I lost a lot of confidence in myself and felt like that I wasn't cut-out for this role, but I had good support from my team and my management. This was the cushion of comfort that carried me through. The other thing that helped?

This blog.

And the other blogs I have dropped by and visit. I suddenly felt that there is more to what I am doing, and life is life. We are all equal, and blogs reflects that. You don't know who are behind the words most of the time, and the sense of belonging is a rush.

Thanks to some of you, who was kind enough to drop by and put in some words, and I shall surely return to your world too.

As for now, I have about 39 hours to go before submission, and am looking forward to hopefully completing everything my mid-day tomorrow.

I think Walt Whitman (one of my favorites) sums it up well for me. Hopefully, I suffer not the fate of reaching my destination, and miss the bounty.

Cheers.

Doing the Heritage Row

Decided to let off some steam, its Friday and it was also one of my colleague’s birthday. A Kiwi in KL helping me out with my bid, so decided to be the host for the night. He had an SPG tagging along, and this kinda spoiled it for me, but more on that later.

Mojo

Heard a lot about the joint, and never had a chance to drop by. It was fairly late when we arrived, and I haven’t eaten the whole day. Had a quick snack, and decided to play a couple rounds of pool. There’s a guy named Mark that hangs around the pool table, and he seems to be a regular. Even got the DJ welcoming him. Rule is winner stays, and I thought he would be much better.

The crowd was quite good, and I can understand why a group of friends would like to hang at the join. Close enough to other spots if need be, and is not too crowded so conversation is possible. By midnight, headed off to Savanth.

Savanth

Home sweet home. Have not been to Savanth for ages, but used to be here almost every week. Have always like Savanth, as it has the same consistent ambience and is really a place to get a few friends together and have a good night out. No surprises with good music to complement.

The regulars are a pretty good crowd, and doesn’t have the “stuck-up I’m so cool, look at me” factor, so prominent in Zeta and sometimes even Zouk. A good mix of young and old, and tonight the ladies was out in good force. Met a couple of friends, and had a good time catching up. Was not getting a buzz, and Birthday Boy was itching to move on to Loft.

Loft

I loathe Loft, always did.

But, Mr. Gwailo enjoys the place, and likes dancing on the podium. Yikes! Had to keep my distance all night, and had a date with the pillar by the bar. I think her name is “Kayu Jati” or something. Kept a rather low profile, but as most of my buds share my sentiment about Loft, didn’t really meet anyone that gave me a good reason to hang around long.

Took off quite early as still have much to do to finish my bid, so bade my farewells and decided to end the night with some “Sup Ekor” at the end of the street, as any decent boy should if they are over at the Heritage Row.

Mommy, where will you be?

Mommy...

What if I am scared Mommy?
What if I am sad Mommy?
What if I am hungry Mommy?
What if I am lonely Mommy?
What if I am alone Mommy?
What if I am missing you Mommy?
What if I am sick Mommy?
What if I am lost Mommy?
What if I am crying Mommy?
What if I am in need of a friend Mommy?

Wake up mommy, wake up...
Why are you leaving Mommy?
Please Mommy, where will you be?

Zed Ezekiel, M.i.N.d.B.l.o.G. 2005

To mom, and all moms out there
Because everyday is mother's day.

Work? Absolutely

It's 1.41am Thursday, 1st of September 2005. I have been up since 5am this morning, and spent all of the Merdeka holiday doing something I would rather not. Work.

Am having a bit of trouble focusing right now, and am guessing that I still have about another hour and a half to go before I could call it a day. Did waste a bit of time surfing, then it struck me. Blogs being what they are, mostly personal journals, maybe it is just the busybody in me that keeps me wandering about.

Food for thought.

Well, Calvin has a point. Left to my own device, going through the web for hours is fine, ask me to write a proposal? Yikes! Work alert!

Allright, let's get this over with.

Cheers.